Kids: Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the...

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 467

You deserved it 10 349

Kids

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 07:21 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 602

You deserved it 8 371

Supernatural

By rongo12 - 11/05/2012 21:41

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 951

You deserved it 6 831

By Matti - 17/08/2018 22:00

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 168

You deserved it 234

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 02:00

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truckstop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud, that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 115

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 17:01

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 06:00 - United States

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 3 503

Overheard musings

By thanks hun - 07/05/2020 20:00

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 969

You deserved it 243

By Kay - 03/02/2011 05:33

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 802

You deserved it 3 157

By haunted - 23/10/2015 20:41 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 560

You deserved it 2 410

By Anonymous - 08/06/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 064

You deserved it 6 678

HahaHokayThen 10

Monday 1 November 2010 22:52

Haha she came out of the bathroom & sees a random hobo holding her newborn.

catalystics 2

Monday 1 November 2010 22:49

u shouldve ran off with the baby

Comments

thosegirls 0

Monday 1 November 2010 22:47

well that was stupid..

thesunsetglow_fml 8

Monday 1 November 2010 23:10

Exactly, how does he not recognize his own baby?! I mean even if it is a newborn, they don't look THAT similar. When my triplet siblings were born they all looked incredibly different.

musedrummer 0

Monday 1 November 2010 23:27

if he was going to see it for the first time he wouldnt know what it looked like

crashtest1205 0

Tuesday 2 November 2010 0:51

herpaderp, I've never seen my baby but I know what it looks like

theFMLiest1ofThe 0

Tuesday 2 November 2010 17:12

thesunsetglow, quit being dumb. babies look incredibly similar. people have been known to take the wrong baby home from the hospital after spending days with the newborn.

TheTrueDarkness 0

Thursday 4 November 2010 1:07

Yup. There have been cases of the wrong newborns being breastfed as well.

ChoolyBooly 32

Thursday 26 February 2015 6:40

Which is why most hospitals almost never take the baby out of the mothers room unless there is something wrong with the baby. In fact it is recommended that you request that your child stays in your room unless it is medically impossible do to such common mishaps. That is what i was told to do when I had my daughter.