Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell...

By This girl - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29251

You deserved it

3378

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Running commentary

Decisions, decisions

By bastard magnet - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29961

You deserved it

7923

Favorite

By teach - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39174

You deserved it

8473

Favorite

By Hover Hand - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9120

You deserved it

22887

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Nutty

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

739

You deserved it

235

Favorite

By Stuck - United States - Evans

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51626

You deserved it

5832

Favorite

By Anonymous

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1703

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By middleagednurse - United States - Miami

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23889

You deserved it

41615

Favorite

By Rrae

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2132

You deserved it

233

Favorite

By oouchh - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51360

You deserved it

18732

Favorite

By smoochie

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41916

You deserved it

23254

Favorite

By "pixie_pix13"

Back to work

Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store I threw my hands up and yelled "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

870

You deserved it

2636

Favorite

By joe1234 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48768

You deserved it

9707

Favorite

By Taylor - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28279

You deserved it

3715

Favorite

By piliseep

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4002

You deserved it

357

Favorite

By angie24w

On the ball

Today, after an emergency doctor told me to go to the pharmacy to get Zantac for possible stomach ulcers, I was told by the pharmacist that it was actually recalled a year ago. I had to pay almost double the price for another antacid. Thanks a lot for knowing your stuff, ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1246

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By thatssickkk - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27396

You deserved it

2698

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35046

You deserved it

2421

Favorite

By trafficfail

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31685

You deserved it

2806

Favorite

By Kittykatkrunch - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend was crushing on his best friend. When I found out I asked him about it. He replied. "Don't worry babe, she is perfect and way too good for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39645

You deserved it

3047

Favorite

By imafunguy - United States

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32813

You deserved it

3069

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I missed out on the chance of buying a great used car because my loan wasn't approved. Why wasn't it approved? Because the vehicle has +100k miles on it. I wish they would've told me that when I applied for the loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

312

Favorite

By dumbucksally

Today, my 30-year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3672

You deserved it

220

Favorite

By badsitter

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4180

You deserved it

290

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I willingly support my boyfriend's alcoholism, because the only time he says "I love you" is when he's blind drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40396

You deserved it

17592

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25638

You deserved it

8814

Favorite

By ladeda - United States

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74364

You deserved it

6743

Favorite

By buttcrack - United States

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30122

You deserved it

3910

Favorite

By Noname - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24052

You deserved it

38716

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15161

You deserved it

1238

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43539

You deserved it

4813

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32822

You deserved it

10550

Favorite

By botharebad - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment, when I came across a lacy black thong in the laundry. When confronted, he swore it was his. I don't know what's worse, the possibility that another woman left it there, or the idea that my boyfriend owns and wears women's lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31334

You deserved it

3235

Favorite

By sophistication - United States

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43081

You deserved it

3215

Favorite

By dani911 - United States

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16660

You deserved it

37267

Favorite

By fucking moron - United States - Mount Holly

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33180

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By WearingSomethingStringy - United States - Cranston

Today, I noticed a stray string on a seam of my pants. I started absentmindedly pulling at it thinking maybe I could pull it off. Five minutes later, I realized it looked like I was fiddling with my crotch in the middle of Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34115

You deserved it

12047

Favorite

By Anonymous

Good enough reason

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4043

You deserved it

446

Favorite

By titmeister - United States - Bayonne

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite hentai character. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13512

You deserved it

1549

Favorite

By Alyce - 5/12/2020 23:02 - United States - Lewistown

Best of both worlds

Today, I was finally diagnosed with insomnia. The trouble is, because of my physical disability, I also have diagnosed chronic fatigue. Barely can stay awake during the day, can't sleep at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

915

You deserved it

Favorite

By rejecteddd - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. Right after I arrived there, he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39842

You deserved it

5062

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#3757440 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:33

Don't drink and walk.

By Torva_fml | 16

#3757456 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:35

Where you drunk, or are you just clumsy?

COMMENTS

By DocBastard | 38

#3757440 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:33

Don't drink and walk.

n_epic_fail | 14

#3757557 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:45

Just admit to being drunk...

Torva_fml | 16

#3757593 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:50

Well I can't drive home, what do you suggest I do? Do cart wheels all the way home?!?

The_Troller | 14

#3757610 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:52

Hop on one foot?

Torva_fml | 16

#3757642 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:55

I've decided, I'll skip with both hands tied behind my back. So when I slip... I have to use my intoxicated brain to figure out how to stand up! I've already planned a perfect night.

DayAndNite | 8

#3757689 - Monday 19 December 2011 23:01

Come at me. I'll defend this comment to the death!

VorpikeII | 17

#3758013 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 0:42

Don't walk and drink. =P

graham11 | 14

#3758031 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 0:46

20- your comment made me laugh out loud. It you can't get up, just slide along the ground like an inch worm. Slowly but steadily will do the trick!

DocBastard | 38

#3758210 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 1:09

DayAndNite - quit trollin', son.

philipino | 24

#3758877 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 3:55

I've caught the derpies! *gets shot*

BayleeWasHere | 1

#3759680 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 7:22

Wow

CanWeMicrowaveIt | 11

#3770977 - Thursday 22 December 2011 11:29

21 needs to learn not to drink and comment

GroovyGravy | 7

#3772986 - Thursday 22 December 2011 22:48

I got some roller-skates if that helps

stuffhappens223 | 7

#3854544 - Monday 9 January 2012 8:02

Win

By Torva_fml | 16

#3757456 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:35

Where you drunk, or are you just clumsy?

Torva_fml | 16

#3757525 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:40

I completely blame auto correct! I meant were, but made a typo, and it changed it to where.

LifesJusGreat | 7

#3759826 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 8:03

I was to drunk to notice

deadeyedex | 6

#3761374 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 17:01

It was ice I'm sure you'll slip too

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#3757463 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:36

Well, were you?

By ajpopoca88 | 3

#3757490 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:38

at least it wasnt a cop.

By wooley29 | 8

#3757492 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:38

Ouch! Might be time to buy better shoes.

By baseballplaya5 | 7

#3757493 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:38

That's funny af!

By I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#3757507 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:39

This is why women shouldn't leave the kitchen ;) also cuz I'm hungry, get to work!

By abbybailey204 | 19

#3757523 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:40

That's when u show him your not drunk by pulling him out of his truck and pounding his face in

The_Troller | 14

#3757630 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:54

Did somebody forget to take his happy pill today?

graham11 | 14

#3758024 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 0:44

8- how would that make the cop think OP isn't drunk? If anything, I feel as if that would confirm his suspicions..

graham11 | 14

#3759172 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 5:09

48- haha oops. oh shit, well I suck at reading!

NanillaVipples | 2

#3759452 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 6:28

There's a truck in this?

Jakesterk96 | 8

#3762244 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 21:09

Is this real life?

brown4lifejot | 1

#3762310 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 21:39

Ya that'll help real well...

A7X_LoVeee | 10

#3764034 - Wednesday 21 December 2011 4:13

No, Jake. It's Runescape.

By MrSchneebly | 5

#3757528 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:41

Id invest in a better pair of shoes

Or just learn to walk

By whennotlooking | 0

#3757534 - Monday 19 December 2011 22:41

Say yes. You can't admit things like that xD