Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
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Top comments
_Chocoholic_ 0
What is mace? Like pepper spray? I'm assuming it's not the spiky club I'm thinking of, lol.
SarahB0184 0
Well, I guess you showed your "attacker" lol. I hope the mace was not too bad though. =)
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Comments (200)
desertdem 0
Sounds pretty fake.
babaa_fml 0
EPIC FAIL!!!!!! ahaha suburban people are so paranoid lol
stegd133 0
fyi, mace will do nothing against a focused attacker - it may throw off a casual mugger, but someone who is truly motivated to harm you will not be effected seriously enough to stop. you're better off carrying an actually weapon, like a knife, or perhaps a tazer.
bubs_AKA_vermin 0
well, i feel your pain. paranoia's a bitch. at least YOU don't hear things at night and see thing move when they aren't. *shudder* and i agree with 78. *grim nod*
rxxk 0
Lolz. When I first read this, I thought s/he was talking about the physical hand-weapon mace (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ceremonial_mace), not the spray.
daisyfuck 0
#20; wtf, what is the difference between defending yourself and using mace to defend yourself? It's the same thing. "Overly paranoid"? Are you kidding? Watch, (assuming the OP is a girl), if she actually WAS attacked she'd be blamed for not being more careful. Mace is awesome and comes in handy.
bubs_AKA_vermin 0
81 ftw.
fully_aliive_xox 0
haahhhaaahahahhahaahhha niceeee
Kickinchicken213 3
fake or not this is hilarious. Kudos for a great FML.
evanescence_fml 7
burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrned.