Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
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Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML
Today, I was walking to the kitchen in the dark. Something caught my eye and I turned to see a man standing in the corner, clear as day. I jumped and closed my eyes for a split second. When I opened them, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm now terrified to live in my own home. FML
Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML
Today, I saw a toddler bolt in a parking lot. Since he was running towards the road behind me, I scooped him up to hand off to his mother. She shrieked, snatched him from my hands, and sprayed me with mace. While I was writhing in pain, some punk kid lifted my wallet and phone. FML
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
Today, someone tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested, and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves, and told a cop that I did it. FML
Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
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Top comments
_Chocoholic_ 0
What is mace? Like pepper spray? I'm assuming it's not the spiky club I'm thinking of, lol.
SarahB0184 0
Well, I guess you showed your "attacker" lol. I hope the mace was not too bad though. =)
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Comments (200)
PTERONOPHOBIA 0
LOL 32/41. That's the first thing I think of every single time I see/hear the word "mace."
indigoandjude 0
hahahahahaha this is the best thing i have ever heard ever. well besides the mace back in your face that sucks.
w3stcoast 0
who the **** carries mace around with them? hahaha
hopiee 0
O_O Wow. Getting all scientific ;D ^^
FrostyNorth 0
This is what the FML would have been if there had been someone behind her: Today, I was walking home after my night shift. There was a woman walking kinda slow in front of me. I wanted to pass her but I was worried that walking up behind her might scare her, so I kept my distance. She finally noticed me behind her and started walking faster. I was glad and started walking faster. Then, out of nowhere, she spun around and emptied a whole ******* can of mace into my eyes. FML
hallygators93 0
im just as paranoid
lovelylove_fml 0
#67 I was talking about rather being safe than sorry concerning having the mace, not spraying it in someone's face. It was a response to a statement.
awalkb 0
well i guess you got your attacker
FUCKMYLIFECUNT 0
jesus christ your really that paranoid? you ******* carry mace with you? looks like someone has a few problems..
kyueb 0
Apparently I'm the only one who really does this kind of research. Mace sprays forward, no amount of wind could blow it directly into your eyes. Unless you're holding the mace up to your eye level and diagonally. And people don't ******* carry mace, they carry pepper spray.