Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I tried meditating at the park to “be more mindful.” Right as I closed my eyes, a squirrel jumped onto my leg, causing me to scream loud enough to scare a nearby jogger, who then tripped over his own feet. I apologized while shaking uncontrollably. FML
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML
Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML
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Top comments
shiroun 0
What the hell is with all the paranoid women? If theres a shadow behind you it doesnt automatically mean that youre about to get raped.
je_tdwp 4
Who the hell waves their arms to ward off an attacker? Are you dealing with a raccoon or a mugger here?
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Comments (160)
shiroun 0
What the hell is with all the paranoid women? If theres a shadow behind you it doesnt automatically mean that youre about to get raped.
quent10 0
it's funny because you thought you were in trouble but it was just a jogger minding his own biz
je_tdwp 4
Who the hell waves their arms to ward off an attacker? Are you dealing with a raccoon or a mugger here?
hobbsicle805 0
This is an example of what you call a 'dumb bitch'
smileyxo4 5
164- I think it was to draw attention to herself, so if "he attacked", more people would be watching... I think.
angeluv_2014 22
Well, I think it would be a cute "how I met you" story.... You know, if the jogger liked what he heard. *eyebrows*
SaintKiwi 0
Yeah a pro wouldn't be caught by his shadow! YDI.
benshady 0
Why are women that afraid of attakers?Well at least you wern't carrying a gun.
BecauseIAmBatman_fml 22
Because lots of women get attacked. That's why.
PlasticShark 0
Sounds like he should be more scared of YOU !
Hazimius 0
You should have looked before you started panicking...
Nightfallz 0
Dir dir diiiiir Women /facepalm
boatiebanter 0
If it had been an attacker, flailing your arms would help you how? Make him laugh so hard he can't run after you? YDI for being ridiculously paranoid. I'm surprised you even pluck up the courage to leave your house.
redbluegreen 41
I agree with #1. This is so sad and stupid. In some situations, sure, but this, no. Throwing your arms around and screaming isn't exactly attacker proof. I guess we can't all take self defence classes though if we're truly paranoid. Oh wait.
kimjonas_fml 0
Now, this is a lesson to never come to conclusions too quickly.
greenyme 0
one of the funniest fml's ever!!!!!!!!