Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML
Today, my girl likes to wear my boxers around the house but she was in a pair I’d not seen before. I asked her and she went all quiet and guilty looking. Dudes, I literally caught my girlfriend in another man’s drawers. It would be tragic but right now it’s just too funny. FML
Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML
Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
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Top comments
emba_fml 13
well at least she's honest
ycrem0n 21
Poke her with your needle
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Comments (58)
RideBlue32 0
Doesn't matter had sex
Branflakes78 13
No
coffee_man900 16
I thought we all agreed that we weren't going to do that anymore. Rebel! :)
olpally 33
He's a noob... Give him a break and I doubt op had sex with a needle dick... Lol
Senseless_487 29
Fish for a compliment, and you might be disappointed.
phatdaddy62 23
Fortune cookie philosophy?
Senseless_487 29
Maybe I should start mailing ideas to the fortune cookie makers.
coried91 28
I had a fortune cookie tell me to improve my exercise routine. They said that... In a ******* cookie.
Birdie_Sage 0
He got a huge ego~ such a huge eeeegggooo~ yea~~ Cross dressing for guys is terrible! They look like Frankenstein with a dress...
rattusrattus 19
I think some guys can really look good in crossdressing. It works best if they're slim, long-limbed, and delicately-featured. And if it's done in a fairly realistic style, rather than 'Pantomime Dame'.
AVENGER412 8
Not all cross dressers look like Frankenstein, only the ones who are doing it wrong. With the good ones you would never tell the difference.
MerrikBarbarian 9
I've met cross dressers who look better then me- and I'm female o-o
williamcarter93 13
I wonder why so many people think it's funny to insult their partner's size...even if it is small or loose or whatever, still....that's just mean.
julien86_fml 2
I bet you have a small one
thew_fml 14
calling it a weapon = YDI
rattusrattus 19
Well, carrying a pistol or sabre can sometimes ruin the effect of the pretty dress, but you don't want to go unprepared if someone challenges you to a duel, do you?
coffee_man900 16
Even a toothpic can be considered a weapon. Um, no offense implied or intended to the OP. :)
TheFirstSamurai 18
This reminds me of the Chuck Norris joke: "Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. "
bertman21 5
Needle dick lol
derpina130 0
Sucks to be you. At least she told the truth
OfficeNinja 5
That is why you don't set yourself up when your girlfriend is smarter than you.
annihil8or 15
Post has absolutely nothing to do with her being smarter
loserman67 36
Well, listen here Needledick...........sorry, but that was out there ripe and ready to pick. Number one, you deserved her comments for announcing that you feel you have a "weapon". I'm not saying you don't, but saying you have a big **** is like saying that you are funny, most people who think they are funny, really aren't. Get the picture? Number two, no witty comeback, no stabbing rejoinder? Something like, "Well maybe if your haystack didn't have a passing lane, you might feel differently about my weapon." Fight fire with fire!
loserman67 36
I'm sorry my post caused you trouble I didn't mean to burst your bubble With my next post each line I will try to rhyme So I can... So it will... oh **** it...
v1k1rox 12
You sir are a genius.