Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML
Today, my girl likes to wear my boxers around the house but she was in a pair I’d not seen before. I asked her and she went all quiet and guilty looking. Dudes, I literally caught my girlfriend in another man’s drawers. It would be tragic but right now it’s just too funny. FML
Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML
Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
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Top comments
emba_fml 13
well at least she's honest
ycrem0n 21
Poke her with your needle
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Comments (58)
DJRhetorical 4
Well that does suck, but clearly you deserved it for referring to it as a "weapon".
Giants24 0
I read "I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing" and hit YDI.
pokerbratt 1
Ditto
emba_fml 13
its probable they were just having a random conversation and joking about it. are you really that offended by cross dressing?
longhorns1050 3
I wish that fml had a hahaha button! This would be perfect
pokerbratt 1
Lemme guess...u must be a white guy.
TrashCan69 2
You should have told her, "but baby, both your mother and your sister said I have a glorious penis and they were both rather snug. You on the other hand is like ******* a warm jar of mayonnaise closely to being compared to throwing a hotdog down a hallway". That would have changed her attitude.
Llamacod 11
Twine down a silo ?
Killafornia 1
Truth hurts huh?
Summera 2
Tell her: "Maybe we should cross dress together because with that chest nobody will see the difference anyway."
BobbieH 19
You asked for it! So you can't blame anyone but yourself, especially if it's true and your penis is that small. If not, then its just good fun at your expense.
ryanebk 7
Girls are such bitches. And they are concerned about us judging them. Psh. They judge more
FuckUsernames101 5
What do you know. You're ego is bigger than your dick.