Miscellaneous: Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's...

By NewTenant - 20/06/2011 07:37 - United States

Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 191

You deserved it 39 920

Miscellaneous

Leave me alone!

The runs

Teacher's pet

By preggersss - 19/07/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 546

You deserved it 17 174

By Noname - 19/02/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 060

You deserved it 29 057

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 447

You deserved it 36 367

By bw9669 - 28/01/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 668

You deserved it 5 086

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - 08/08/2016 19:12 - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 729

You deserved it 3 041

By Anonymous - 29/05/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 062

You deserved it 6 775

The Phone Call

By turnmyphoneoff - 24/09/2019 00:01

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 749

You deserved it 185

By Mallory - 27/11/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 773

You deserved it 3 953

Misconstrued

By DeeGirlMon - 03/08/2012 05:24 - Canada - Calgary

Today, the coworker I've had a crush on for the past few months asked me if I was busy Friday night. I was so excited, I immediately replied, "I thought you'd never ask!" He gave me a funny look and said, "Good, because I need you to take my shift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 6 016

By omglifee - 20/12/2009 04:13 - Canada

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 803

You deserved it 4 092

By ugh - 19/01/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 334

You deserved it 9 468

By snownerd - 03/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 733

You deserved it 39 586

That's a lot of damage!

By Stressed_Out_Student - 29/08/2018 22:00

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 228

By JoannaG25 - 17/08/2010 11:43 - Netherlands

Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 581

You deserved it 3 970

By luvlessbootycall - 24/07/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months texted me saying he loves me. I excitedly started texting back, "I love you too." Before I even got done, he messaged again saying, "Can you send a pic of your tits to me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 6 854

By Anonymous - 12/10/2014 20:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 525

You deserved it 5 688

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 468

You deserved it 5 345

By Leashaness - 15/09/2012 11:07 - United States

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 286

You deserved it 2 742

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 892

You deserved it 10 340

OCD

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, the room I am renting from an old lady is stuffed with porcelain figures, etc. I carefully put them into the drawers to create some space for the books I need for college. While I was gone, she used her key and put all the porcelain figures back on the shelves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 23/03/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 829

You deserved it 32 832

By Disappointed - 09/03/2019 18:00

Today, my brother came up with what he thought was a genius idea for how to make money. I then had to explain to him that insurance fraud is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 277

You deserved it 159

By meaganlea - 23/02/2010 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 876

You deserved it 6 063

By HT BaaFly - 07/09/2011 15:08 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 182

You deserved it 5 396

FML every way you look at it

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 20:03 - Australia

Today, I had an enjoyable Tinder date, but I wasn't feeling any physical attraction because of her short hair. I let her know, to which she replied, "I don't like it either but growing it after chemo is a slow process." FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 3 225

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 667

You deserved it 3 421

By musiclover - 06/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 687

You deserved it 5 095

Wake up call

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 00:01

Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 411

By anonymous - 14/09/2011 00:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 4 491

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 999

You deserved it 14 836

By driverboy - 31/12/2014 08:08 - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 4 852

By humiliated - 14/01/2011 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 848

You deserved it 4 337

By sig - 22/11/2016 13:54

Today, I found out that I'm not welcome at my boyfriend's dad funeral, because his ex-wife has invited herself, and it would be too awkward to explain to his extended family, most of whom apparently don't yet know that he's divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 329

You deserved it 882

By Mommy - 26/06/2011 20:47 - United States

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 440

You deserved it 28 142

By embarrassedinretail - 20/01/2010 10:01 - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 813

You deserved it 4 887

By Dani - 05/12/2014 21:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I woke up feeling awful and decided to make myself a nice egg omelette with bacon, toast and fresh fruit. As I went to eat it, I stubbed my toe and dropped it all on the floor. My dogs were very happy about that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 398

You deserved it 3 353

Great gift idea!

By Anonymous - 15/09/2020 08:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was my birthday and my first present was finding out that my girlfriend of five years has been cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 87

By McMuffin - 26/05/2017 14:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter ran with arms wide open towards me, smiling, only to pass me by and hug the gardener instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 203

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 17/06/2016 07:04 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 1 168

By Crusty - 19/12/2012 20:53

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 250

You deserved it 17 668

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Top comments

mcxhunni 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:49

maybe she thought you might have been referring to your dick... not dumping on yourself...

mxpklx 12

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:55

someones socially awkward.

mcxhunni 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:49

maybe she thought you might have been referring to your dick... not dumping on yourself...

Gianca1208 4

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Monday 20 June 2011 16:27

Smooth move no nuts!

grass_hopperr 1

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Monday 20 June 2011 16:38

Hopefully but probably not... :

extrovertical 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 17:00

or a huge load of shit

MissBunnyWillEat 11

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Monday 20 June 2011 17:14

Dont worry, OP. You turned her on.

iceicebaby24 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 17:31

that's what I thought.

Insight1992 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:05

shut up that's mad gross jk I was thinking the same thing lol

flighted_ 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:38

I was thinkin OP meant he uh....loses his uh...in his pants a lot, seeing that he doesn't really get any. no? ...okay lol

gabstahhh 8

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:49

Great laundry conversation...? Hahaha

Leah_Adelle 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 19:00

sounds more like jizz in the pants

OceanBreathesSal 5

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Monday 20 June 2011 19:53

1- your picture frightens me for some reason.

mcxhunni 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 19:58

good ;)

AbuelaGrande 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 21:52

The loads I see is the load from the fire truck when he come and take my basura or garbadge I think you say in English away.

Veraymix 6

Monday 20 June 2011 23:13

Yeah, I too would have thought of the dick. let's hope she doesn't analyze it too much.

Ducati4623 0

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:03

Am I the only one that thinks this guy is a legend for saying that? I wish I had the courage to just go for the win straight away.

Dark_Angel003 0

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:33

Thats what i thought, I thought he was reffering to his dick.

mooshibear140 4

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:55

LOL, when I read it I thought of jizz, not poop. xD

BobsUrAunty 2

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 3:13

abuela you never make any sense :s

EvilPotato 14

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 4:25

did she giggle, smile and wink?

jessyrodgers 0

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 14:09

126 your pic is awesome

F14Shado 0

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 17:29

as do I.

maz_irken 6

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Wednesday 22 June 2011 0:47

shitty situation?

method_men25 2

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Monday 27 June 2011 20:02

Haters gonna hate!! This is gold OP, milk it!! Take this ambiguous and embarrassing

method_men25 2

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Monday 27 June 2011 20:04

Haters gonna hate!! This is gold OP, milk it!! Take this ambiguous and Potentially embarrassing situation, spin it, and she'll be handling your 'huge load' in no time

iJasper 8

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:50

LOL

NomOnShroomz 14

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Monday 20 June 2011 16:36

Wow, what an original comment!

Tantalum 1

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:11

You made it to the #2 spot, Well done!!

iJasper 8

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:20

Lol, I just relized I did get second xD

NomOnShroomz 14

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:26

It's morons like you that make me wonder why the human race is in charge of the world.

1221jamw 11

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:32

chill bro.

iJasper 8

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:39

>.> I'm not going to say anything, because I dont want to waste my time, talking to you.

NomOnShroomz 14

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:42

Dude, I'm as chill as the freaking ice monster in my bath tub. Actually, he hasn't been so chill lately after he accidentally ate my unicorn... but my point is I'm chill.

ShaliniBabiie 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:52

roflmao !

ieatpuppehs 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 19:58

if you kept a unicorn captive apparently you're not all that chill.. however I would like to have MY ice monster back. my ice tank is lonely.

Jacobt24 19

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Monday 20 June 2011 22:28

73 - Your picture made me laugh and feel weird at the same time

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 3:27

I love NomOnShroomz, don't dis him 'Kay? Goddit? GOOD! ;)

Baby2000 0

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 23:50

your a loser

deliciouscake 3

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Wednesday 22 June 2011 11:47

He's not a loser, "you're" a loser.

camartinez23 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:52

mmk... not sure how to take that hah

Insight1992 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:04

shut up

NomOnShroomz 14

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Monday 20 June 2011 18:54

That's what ruffies are for...

LaughinStock 16

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Monday 20 June 2011 20:54

^ they should call them groundies

camcam103 0

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Wednesday 22 June 2011 7:57

no.……

emojustin 0

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Friday 24 June 2011 2:37

hey sexy ;)

11tmaste 3

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Saturday 25 March 2017 4:54

It's not how you take it, but where.

daAce77 8

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:52

your fail sir...

mercuryburst 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 23:30

You're*

BobsUrAunty 2

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Tuesday 21 June 2011 3:17

I thought 'you' made more sense than 'you're'

YacL 15

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:53

Was the face she made when you said that cute as well? I bet it was.

TalkinSmack 6

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Monday 20 June 2011 15:54

lol pricess!

MVProbbins 0

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Monday 20 June 2011 19:33

You spelt it wrong. Dumbass.

smellymellyy 7

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Monday 20 June 2011 19:51

lol its just a typo im sure this guy does know that priceless has an L in it, he's not that dumb. dont get so offended by one typo, jeez it's not like he was tlkng lyk dis