Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML
Today, my girl likes to wear my boxers around the house but she was in a pair I’d not seen before. I asked her and she went all quiet and guilty looking. Dudes, I literally caught my girlfriend in another man’s drawers. It would be tragic but right now it’s just too funny. FML
Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML
Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, my incredibly self-conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me, and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
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Top comments
emba_fml 13
well at least she's honest
ycrem0n 21
Poke her with your needle
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Comments (58)
tj4234 36
why were you texting her about cross dressing? :S
Michaelsgirl04 9
I was wondering when someone would ask this...seems like a weird thing to discuss with your girlfriend haha
petlover7598 7
And it is especially odd that the conversation is by text. My phone,as with many other people that I know, is not always in my hand. Often times it gets laid on a desk or table and anyone walking by can see it.
ifoundalaska 11
It's a joke.
mileena 7
No one else is concerned about the fact they were discussing cross dressing?
perdix 31
I don't think they are. It's a fairly harmless diversion. It's not for me, but I can see how it could be fun, except for a woman wearing a tie. Ties suck!
perdix 31
Maybe she prefers the painless injections you give her over the massive pussy reaming she'd get from a big dick. Or maybe she's taking the gifts and free dinners from you until she finds a guy with a dick she likes. Doesn't matter, had sex, right?
hqbrat 8
You know what that means? You need to watch more ****!
savy7093 9
No, I don't think that's what that means.
KiddNYC1O 22
**** might get him into a deep depression with all those monster cocks lying around...
vicky_reoow 1
if it's really a needle, you should try and prick her. just to make sure :D
bowser_rawr16 13
I literally just spit my coffee out of my mouth because I'm laughing so hard at this. I'm sorry though OP, she might have been joking.
annihil8or 15
Oh ya tell her that her's is like the grand canyon
Pelreskovich 11
Time to shed a few? :/
Jannettecooks 1
She doesn't want a big package if she wants you to cross dress. She wants a ******! You're in luck pencil dick!!
brock329 3
Hahaha best quote I have heard so far!