Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what... - FML

By workaholic

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

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Family values

Messed up

Grow up

By Kitty - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

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By damnitsam

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

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By Jordan - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

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By Roger Quimble

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

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By brileyyyy - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

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By Fred - Canada

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

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By lorena_v

Not fair!

Today, one of my teachers yelled at me for being two minutes late to class. He was so concerned with my punishment that he didn't notice the four other people that walked in after me. FML

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By Goldar - United States

Today, thinking I was alone at work, I did an impression of Goldar from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I turned around to find out I wasn't alone; a cute girl was staring at me, unimpressed. FML

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By mikey09 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodside

Dazed and Confused

Today, I was promoted. I got advice throughout the day from all of management on what I'm supposed to do first thing everyday. Not one was the same as the other. FML

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By Raven - Canada - Brantford

Today, I went to let my dog inside because she was barking. I saw my neighbour standing at my fence, screaming that she was going to kill my dog with a shovel for barking at her. My dog was only doing it because my neighbor was putting her trash in my garbage bin. This isn't a new thing. FML

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By lpspann87 - United States

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

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By NorwegianMadman

Today, nearly Christmas, my dad got mad because I don't have enough money for holiday festivities. I can't afford things because I haven't gotten my paycheck yet. I work for my dad. FML

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By Username - France

Today, the sprinklers in the hotel room came on and stayed on. There was no fire. My family is currently living in the hotel, so everything we own is soaked. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

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By -_____- - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

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By secretsmakefriends - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

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By PerturbedStudent - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

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By Jason - United States - Kenai

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is actually a man. Not a transgender person, I'm okay with that, but an actual gay man who gets a kick out of pranking other guys. FML

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By unknown - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

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By bill - United States - Pasadena

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

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By vistingherfamily - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's family. Her mother wants us to stay in separate bedrooms, and I was happy to oblige since I'm staying at their house. But because there isn't an extra room, we have to stay together. Upon entering the house, her mom searched our bags for condoms and birth-control pills. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I got my laptop back after lending it to my friend. It wouldn't boot, and after investigating I found out it'd been stripped of its hard drive and all its memory. When I confronted my "friend", he accused me of lying and trying to ruin his reputation. FML

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By clitorasaurus - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Windsor

Not likely in 2020

Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

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By not my fault you got knocked up - 9/8/2020 20:02

Sister of the year

Today, my older sister threw an epic tantrum, demanding that my parents not pay for my 21st birthday trip. She insists it’s not fair for them to gift me a trip, since she didn’t get to celebrate her 21st. She didn’t get to celebrate because she was pregnant. Now my mom wants to reconsider. FML

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By aprilfooled - United States

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

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By Jenn - United Kingdom - London

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

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By PoorGramps - United States

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

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By DarkMaskDiva - United States

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

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By Jibber96 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was walking with a friend to tell him how excited I was for college and even motivating him to apply for the same school, until I found out later that I got rejected. FML

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By Anonymous

Duchamp would be proud

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

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By buryuntime - United States

Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

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By abnormallyadam - Australia - Footscray

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

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By B'Dawk

Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

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By ShandiPandiDerp - United States

Today, my phone charger caught fire. I was thankful to be there to witness it. I was not thankful for having been holding it while this happened, as my shirt caught on fire. FML

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Top comments

By marinus_fml | 19

#1713526 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 11:58

His eye isn't really lazy. He's just secretly checking you out with one eye.

By PSQ91 | 6

#1713534 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:02

You're gonna be fired OP

COMMENTS

By marinus_fml | 19

#1713526 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 11:58

His eye isn't really lazy. He's just secretly checking you out with one eye.

Reply

mrl2468 | 0

#1713675 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 13:05

prob

Reply

bunnydoll84 | 0

#1713753 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 13:43

Another "Aussie"...heya! :-)

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1713789 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 13:56

I heard that people with lazy eyes have the power of incredible hindsight.

Reply

W4X | 0

#1713812 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 14:09

I thought you were dead!

Reply

morgann4826 | 0

#1713927 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:03

I bet

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#1713940 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:06

lol, hey bunny!

Reply

maphineRAWRS | 10

#1714013 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:29

I see you have your old account back marinus? :P

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#1714020 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:36

Josie! I just read your profile thing, and I think you missed a word at the very end. I think the word you missed is 'good'.

Reply

maphineRAWRS | 10

#1714035 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:39

thats yet to be proven sunshine ;)

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#1714052 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:53

Josie I FB'd you.

Reply

maphineRAWRS | 10

#1714061 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 16:01

oh you did too :)
WHOOPS :D

Reply

PrincessCastiel | 27

#5875312 - Tuesday 4 March 2014 15:18

Down votes, down votes everywhere

Reply

claudia19801811 | 14

#6028239 - Tuesday 5 August 2014 10:34

Nope. I have a lazy eye.

By Lolerskatez | 0

#1713528 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 11:59

Haha failed xD

Reply

Bad_Boy1321 | 0

#1713987 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 15:18

yes he did XD

By omnomnicon | 9

#1713531 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:01

idiot! :')

By PSQ91 | 6

#1713534 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:02

You're gonna be fired OP

By chloec16 | 0

#1713548 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:08

think before you speak!

Reply

sourgirl101 | 28

#1713745 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 13:40

Or suffer for your words.

By fullmetalshrimp | 0

#1713552 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:08

watch what you say next time.

By CACC_fml | 0

#1713558 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:09

aww

By iheartglasses | 0

#1713581 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:12

That was definitely a time to be completely embarrassed, BUT, if you played it off as it was no big deal then maybe your boss would just let it slide as a mistake. After all, no one likes attention brought on to their...misfortunes?

By sniperkitten | 0

#1713586 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:13

Say you never noticed your manager had one because you're un-observant.

Reply

claudia19801811 | 14

#6028242 - Tuesday 5 August 2014 10:36

People can have lazy eyes that look exactly the same as the other one mine is! :)

By tencentsakiss | 19

#1713594 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 12:16

Manger? Good thing it wasn't your manager.

Reply

eytanrodin | 0

#1714490 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 17:38

Where do you see manger?

Reply

tencentsakiss | 19

#1714752 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 19:02

They fixed it. The first one said manger when they first posted it.