Transportation: Today, I biked to the lake. And by "to" I mean "into". With my...

By Midion - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I biked to the lake. And by "to" I mean "into". With my phone in my jacket and my laptop in my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11037

You deserved it

4654

Favorite

Midion tells us more :

Sorry for the typo. I had this funny adventure and I didn't want to open an account to share it. By the way, I do exist in Milton (Cambridshire), and the lake was in Mill Road, Cambridge. I had to f***ing bike 20 minutes back home totally wet. Luckily my impermeable jacket and my rain-proof backpack saved my electronics.... Let's make a laugh together on it! Cheers, El Midion (this name is obviously not real, I don't wanna tell you my real one! XD)

Transportation

Instadrama

At will

The Blob

By Anonymous - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24069

You deserved it

7239

Favorite

By anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38185

You deserved it

4691

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1744

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By ToothHurtyAM

Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4099

You deserved it

826

Favorite

By so_this_is_me - Canada - Brampton

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24764

You deserved it

3516

Favorite

By sleepwalker - United States

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25431

You deserved it

4626

Favorite

By jack

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31687

You deserved it

2496

Favorite

By neveragain - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12429

You deserved it

30782

Favorite

By GirlfriendsAreBadForYourBack - United States - Lynbrook

Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50716

You deserved it

9889

Favorite

By Tygastyle - United States

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10489

You deserved it

63110

Favorite

By shaifox96 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26844

You deserved it

5640

Favorite

By serendipity1027 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34712

You deserved it

8851

Favorite

By Anonymous - Philippines - Las Pi?as City

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21600

You deserved it

1655

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1757

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Softball - United States - Lansdale

Today, I guest-played as a catcher for a new fastpitch softball team. After the first couple of innings, the batter fouled a ball back into my catcher's mask. As a concussion test, the coach asked me what her name was. I decided to fake the concussion rather than admit that I'd forgotten her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26127

You deserved it

5964

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 05:00

Happy Birthday!

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1522

You deserved it

188

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11342

You deserved it

24140

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

326

Favorite

By quick blow - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26800

You deserved it

7304

Favorite

By thyella87 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25645

You deserved it

18001

Favorite

By RIP - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29569

You deserved it

1806

Favorite

By kiki - United States

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13354

You deserved it

33350

Favorite

By Anonymous - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31531

You deserved it

2596

Favorite

By no one - United States - Dallas

Today, my house caught on fire. The firefighters said that it was caused by a lit cigarette on the carpet. I don't smoke, but apparently my 13 year old son does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37339

You deserved it

3912

Favorite

By Anonymous

Air Conditioned Egg on Face?

Today, I went to see the mechanic who'd just serviced my car, because it was still leaking cooling fluid. I started to explain the problem, but he stopped me and asked if I'd had the AC on. I said yes. He smiled and said lots people have this "problem" in summer. Did you know the AC releases fluid when you turn it off? I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1114

You deserved it

705

Favorite

By future brain bleach addict - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76853

You deserved it

8529

Favorite

By CombatShadow45 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43689

You deserved it

5416

Favorite

By oh for f*cks sake - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4727

You deserved it

388

Favorite

By fizzie101 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44333

You deserved it

4661

Favorite

By FML - United States

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26231

You deserved it

58870

Favorite

By disgusted - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25087

You deserved it

2127

Favorite

By lyinginbed - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13225

You deserved it

1159

Favorite

By LivingInSin - United States

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34507

You deserved it

4227

Favorite

By Skoff - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26017

You deserved it

2913

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

You deserved it

318

Favorite

By Baby Bethy - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7646

You deserved it

556

Favorite

By nba

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1572

You deserved it

270

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/3/2020 20:00 - United Kingdom

Death Grips

Today, I knew my girlfriend's dad owned a security company. What I did not know was that he treats his employees like family, so my girlfriend has about 40 scary uncles who’ve known her since she was a baby, and most of them are ex-military. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1840

You deserved it

310

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28284

You deserved it

4687

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 02:02

Helping hand

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

258

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6648258 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:05

Stop trying to catch Pokémon and pay attention.

By SauceySarah | 30

#6648334 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 12:39

Reminds me of that Office scene where Michael drives into the lake because his GPS told him to.

COMMENTS

By ClevelendBrown | 9

#6648252 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 9:58

That's Nasty...

Danishduckling | 20

#6648316 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 11:57

#1
... why?

ScratchCatPower | 32

#6648383 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 14:45

The joke is that he's named "Clevelend Brown" and one if Cleveland Brown's famous lines is "oh... that's nasty". It just doesn't apply all that well on this FML. :P

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6648258 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:05

Stop trying to catch Pokémon and pay attention.

gamermonster | 34

#6648351 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 13:24

"Phone in my jacket"

FarFromHome_fml | 17

#6648358 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 13:47

We don't have it in England yet
Not without fake accounts

davedp3 | 4

#6648447 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 16:34

Damn it you beat me to it.

lat1404 | 16

#6648722 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 0:38

Midion | 6

#6648762 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 2:36

By the way, just to answer all the comments about that Pokémon thing: I have a Zenphone. This damn game is not for Intel Atom processors. FML

Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#6649699 - Thursday 14 July 2016 7:00

Why let truth interfere with a comedic opportunity?

By revolvearoundme | 15

#6648259 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:05

This seems like a silly thing to do. You probably should have taken your electronics off your person before going in the water. Long gone are the days of pushing someone into a lake and not doing $1,000 worth of damage.

brownapple | 22

#6648260 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:08

I'm certain that OP didn't intentionally bike "into" the lake

revolvearoundme | 15

#6648300 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 11:26

Oh, I'm glad you explained that to me. I thought OP did it intentionally and just didn't realize that electronics and water didn't mix. There wasn't anything in the post to say it was unintentional. When I was younger we used to ride bikes off ramps into lakes all the times. Course there weren't any laptops or cellphones back then. worst you could damage was a walkman, or your nuts.

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#6648415 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 15:52

See, I upvoted you because I thought you were being sarcastic.

davedp3 | 4

#6648449 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 16:36

Wow no need to be a douche dude

By stingray112 | 24

#6648263 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:13

Put ur phone in a bag of rice and DONT TRY TO TURN IT ON Ive made that mistake and that might help ur phone. Idk bout the laptop sorry bro ik the feeling :(

By MetalxSoldier | 26

#6648266 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:19

Did you also have your mind on your money and your money on your mind?

brownapple | 22

#6648288 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 10:59

I thought your profile picture was a fortune cookie with something written on it until I opened it.

alphafish17 | 16

#6648683 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 23:06

Thanks for sharing

By melisssa87 | 30

#6648324 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 12:29

That seems unnecessary

By SauceySarah | 30

#6648334 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 12:39

Reminds me of that Office scene where Michael drives into the lake because his GPS told him to.

NeatNit | 32

#6648365 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 14:03

Yet another reminder that I need to watch The Office...

AlexanderDavidd | 13

#6648702 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 0:04

This literally happened in canada like a month ago. Some dip from the city i'm from drove into lake huron or something because it was foggy and her GPS told her to..

By arrowgold | 19

#6648350 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 13:23

Where you trying to catch them all?

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6648355 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 13:39

All these things could easily be replaced OP, just be glad that you're alright..

Shaky_Spear | 11

#6648643 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 21:26

What if they were an iPhone 6S Plus 128GB with lots of photos and memories on it and a MacBook Pro with loads of important files on it? Bearing in mind not that many people keep backups, how easy do you think that will be to replace?

I LOVE your positivity though, wish I could be that bright all the time. ^_^

By paigexox0 | 37

#6648366 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 14:09

Thats not what you wear to go swimming, silly