Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on...

By Katherine - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29521

You deserved it

6462

Favorite

Kids

Lockdown is driving us down

Like riding a bike

Craft beer bores

By Stress - United States

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23167

You deserved it

4493

Favorite

By j3r3zana16 - Canada

Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8360

You deserved it

51589

Favorite

By brooke - United States

Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20384

You deserved it

25125

Favorite

By Sorry Not Sorry

Today, my boss bitched me out for a customer complaint. The complaint was me not laughing at the customer's joke of me asking for his ID and him saying no. I'm sorry, I've been getting this joke a least twice a day since I started working here two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9366

You deserved it

631

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38849

You deserved it

5319

Favorite

By Feelinfunny1 - United States

Today, I gave an old owl lamp away because I had no need for it. The new owner informed me shortly after that it was worth $400. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18225

You deserved it

22740

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4355

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By Fuckit - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42374

You deserved it

6231

Favorite

By canispankthat - United States

Today, I caught my husband modeling my cute floral panties. All he could manage to say was "I love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32559

You deserved it

4830

Favorite

By Lvdkinda - United States

Today, after a month of planning, I started to tease my boyfriend of 3 years about the wonderful anniversary plans I had made for us. It was a secret, so I let him try and guess. He said "As long as its not a spa day. that would suck I would never go." It's a spa day. That I've already paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42188

You deserved it

26264

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

73837

You deserved it

7215

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1982

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By thanksnicksparks - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I loved her. I tried to be cute and romantic and responded with a quote from the Notebook, which I watched with her yesterday. After I said, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird," she broke up with me because I was "phony and unoriginal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30633

You deserved it

10241

Favorite

By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54471

You deserved it

44000

Favorite

By traumatized - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87044

You deserved it

3583

Favorite

By Pusillanimous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51196

You deserved it

5423

Favorite

By ballthlete - United States - Edmond

Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21380

You deserved it

13038

Favorite

By whatthewhat - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46080

You deserved it

3287

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1232

You deserved it

799

Favorite

By Nick - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56667

You deserved it

18081

Favorite

By TrailerTrash - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66330

You deserved it

4673

Favorite

By wildwonder808 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I caught my new neighbor sticking his knob inside my car and pissing on my seats. His reason? I parked in his spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43297

You deserved it

8037

Favorite

By princess - Canada

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks

151573

You deserved it

40499

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14697

You deserved it

19829

Favorite

By Earthling - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14222

You deserved it

978

Favorite

By anony - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43581

You deserved it

6663

Favorite

By lonelyengineer - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15987

You deserved it

32039

Favorite

By random123 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33047

You deserved it

7713

Favorite

By Julie - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32169

You deserved it

5118

Favorite

By moe472 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32752

You deserved it

2473

Favorite

By Czechplease - United States

Today, my mom told my girlfriend an embarrassing story about me, along the lines of whenever my parents would take me school clothes shopping, I'd cry because I hated all the choices they gave me. The most recent incident of this? Last year. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16112

You deserved it

33744

Favorite

By HT BaaFly - United Kingdom

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23155

You deserved it

5391

Favorite

By leez - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33965

You deserved it

1821

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26053

You deserved it

1760

Favorite

By student414 - Canada

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21121

You deserved it

30446

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44759

You deserved it

5389

Favorite

By - 25/2/2020 14:00

Knock out

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1533

You deserved it

320

Favorite

By coffee_princess - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35849

You deserved it

4433

Favorite

By zevil - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30691

You deserved it

9654

Favorite

By Broccolliboyy - United States - Colfax

Today, I learned that the money I work hard for on YouTube has been transferred to the wrong person's banking account. That person is my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51878

You deserved it

6902

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By desireev | 17

#4031398 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:07

Aww! He was just thinkin' of you Momma!
Sweet little boy! :)

By Razzle_Dazzle_5 | 11

#4031451 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:11

Scrub a dub dub IPhone in the tub!

COMMENTS

By desireev | 17

#4031398 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:07

Aww! He was just thinkin' of you Momma!
Sweet little boy! :)

LiveLaughFML | 10

#4031593 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:27

You should be happy you have a five year old son who wants to stay and keep things clean. Most kiddies aren't like that :-P

FMLContinued | 3

#4031643 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:35

Kids do the damnedest things, don't they? That kid is adorable.

RrLSf19 | 0

#4032583 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 6:20

Well, he did have the right idea! Reminds me of me when I was his age ;)

mango260 | 9

#4032829 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 7:46

Priceless.

cmac86 | 23

#4033199 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:37

That's going to be a hilarious story when he's older. It'll be a memory they'll hold on to forever.

Danielt104 | 6

#4037003 - Wednesday 15 February 2012 5:41

You're not the only one who lost a phone today. My dad dropped his phone in the toilet today!

By datoismyname | 22

#4031427 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:09

Well it's clean now.

By twofirstnames | 12

#4031435 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:10

At least he was trying to rid of the germs, gotta give him credit for that(:

twofirstnames | 12

#4031470 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:13

But FYL though.

By alexup24 | 13

#4031439 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:10

rice time!!!

riceicle1 | 6

#4031600 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:28

My time to shine :D

By Razzle_Dazzle_5 | 11

#4031451 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:11

Scrub a dub dub IPhone in the tub!

By Goatinsfriend | 8

#4031492 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:15

At least he tried!

By flockz | 19

#4031495 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:15

there's an app for that.

JrDoubled | 0

#4038906 - Wednesday 15 February 2012 16:57

Lmaooo!!!

By Pelreskovich | 11

#4031501 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:15

That's adorable, just trying to help out! Hopefully you have full coverage on it! But definitely something you should laugh off, don't get mad at the lil guy!

By alival | 12

#4031505 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:16

Aw! He's just making sure mommy doesn't get sick! He loves you!

By Meraklez1013 | 9

#4031527 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 2:18

Aww that's cute nd sad all at the same time!! :D