By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1668

You deserved it

268

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Kids

Instadrama

There's no helping some people

All for nothing

By shat - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21849

You deserved it

2469

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By allison_fishing - United States

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30184

You deserved it

1821

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By Telinaa - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27023

You deserved it

3026

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By catlady - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55496

You deserved it

9001

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27476

You deserved it

3167

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15051

You deserved it

46904

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By AllThatJazz - United States

Today, I was stage managing a school show. Some kids were goofing off backstage, so I yelled at them that they could hurt themselves. While walking back to my chair, I tripped over my own feet and fell 5 feet off the stage. I shattered my cheekbone telling kids they would hurt themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52941

You deserved it

13366

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By oops - United States - Omaha

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41249

You deserved it

7271

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 17:03

Public transport FTW

Today, I was riding the subway home after a long shift at hospital. I accidentally made eye contact with a sketchy dude for a split second. He launched a wide spray of spit at me. At least I was wearing scrubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1131

You deserved it

111

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By Kitten_Love - France - Paris

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52000

You deserved it

6598

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By yeasty - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44967

You deserved it

4510

Favorite

By Anonymous - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6553

You deserved it

1487

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By hannahj88 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32207

You deserved it

3277

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By TiredHomeowner

Today, I realised just how skewed my reality is when I was pleasantly surprised that teenagers threw eggs at my windows. They usually throw rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3251

You deserved it

202

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I woke up after a dream where I got it good from none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem? I'm a guy, and straight. Apparently my subconscious has a fetish for old Austrian bodybuilders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32929

You deserved it

6610

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 17:07

You go Glenn Coco!

Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less than 2 inches in, and then got angry I was taking so long to cum. I thought I was the drama queen in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1141

You deserved it

282

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30999

You deserved it

2851

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17109

You deserved it

41609

Favorite

By :( - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44804

You deserved it

4731

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By kkmirw

Pissed

Today, a colostomy bag exploded on me while I was waiting in line at the pharmacy. Yesterday, my shoes were peed on by a child while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1719

You deserved it

Favorite

By flymetothemoon

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1973

You deserved it

4194

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By pandabear - United Kingdom

Not you

Today, I got an alert from Facebook that it was my very popular and attractive classmate's birthday. I decided to be sweet and write "Happy birthday" on her wall, only to notice it wasn't there a few minutes later. I rewrote it again and it disappeared. After three attempts, I took the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35591

You deserved it

4678

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By okay - United States - Woodstock

Today, a customer complained he never got his sandwich, even though I put it in the oven, dressed it up and served it to him. When I went to clear his table off, I saw the sandwich basket. We had to give him his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27509

You deserved it

2282

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By ubbernoob - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29229

You deserved it

142739

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By me - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49163

You deserved it

24074

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28494

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45111

You deserved it

17769

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By yvon la moto - Spain - Madrid

Today, I set my car's speed to 125km/h to pass the speed camera announced by a road sign. Sure of myself, for a laugh I flipped the bird as I went by. When the flash went off, I realised that the speed limit was 110 km/h, not the usual 130 km/h. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10968

You deserved it

32035

Favorite

By ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30315

You deserved it

9464

Favorite

By secretmisery05 - 25/5/2020 17:00

Oh, hello there!

Today, my husband and I waited until the TV shut off at 11 p.m. in the next room to signal his grandmother had retired to her bed upstairs. After doing it on a very squeaky bed, we went out naked half an hour later to go to the restroom across the hall, only to discover his Nana laying on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1017

You deserved it

641

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By Anonymous - Norway - Trondheim

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He wants us to stay friends, though, so he can continue to use my coffee maker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48105

You deserved it

4704

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19950

You deserved it

1392

Favorite

By doomed - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67532

You deserved it

6246

Favorite

By coolchicka05 - United States

Today, I chose to wear khaki dress pants to class to look professional. I was in the hallway when one of my professors pulled me aside to ask if I was feeling well. Apparently, the dryer had "eaten" my pants and made a large brown stain on the butt, making it look like I had crapped myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40812

You deserved it

9721

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's farm with my family. First I was pooped on by a goose, peed on by a puppy, bit in the face by the mother dog, fell through the floor of the barn loft, and without knowing it was electric, rested my hand on the horse fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45511

You deserved it

9302

Favorite

By Handyhusband - United States

If the women don’t find you handsome, they’ll at least find you handy...

Today, I installed a doggie door at my wife’s grandmother’s house. I was putting the door back on the hinges when I realized I had put it at the very top of the door instead of the bottom. I’m now trying to turn this hole into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1322

You deserved it

2635

Favorite

By yarenis - United States - Gardner

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43093

You deserved it

5851

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By Asshole hornet - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44280

You deserved it

3466

Favorite

By stargate25 - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27870

You deserved it

11562

Favorite

By harrington61 - United States - Midland

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51188

You deserved it

3902

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Top comments

By manb91gb | 14

#7856745 - Tuesday 5 November 2019 2:45

Maybe s/he saw all the dirty photos you saucy thing!

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7856898 - Tuesday 5 November 2019 16:58

Ask your kid if they want a bath in the toilet, hopefully that'll teach them but if they say yes ... then you've failed and your kids a lost cause

COMMENTS

By manb91gb | 14

#7856745 - Tuesday 5 November 2019 2:45

Maybe s/he saw all the dirty photos you saucy thing!

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7856898 - Tuesday 5 November 2019 16:58

Ask your kid if they want a bath in the toilet, hopefully that'll teach them but if they say yes ... then you've failed and your kids a lost cause

By jrn | 14

#7857468 - Thursday 7 November 2019 15:40

Don’t most phones have water resistance for up to a certain depth?