Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking... - FML

By grampsisgay - United States

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to the mall. In the parking lot I pointed out an old man in a vibrant pink sweater who was leaving by saying "He is so gay." My boyfriend got out of the car and walked towards the man calling "Hey Papaw!" It was his grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13219

You deserved it

79870

Tweet

Share

Not now, mom!

Vibe check

Parental guilt

By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1130

You deserved it

4468

Tweet

Share

By ledentist - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29368

You deserved it

2277

Tweet

Share

By ijustwannaplaymymusic - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12083

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Jif_Creamy - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21761

You deserved it

7075

Tweet

Share

By rink.attendant.6 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26040

You deserved it

3574

Tweet

Share

By Uggghhh

Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4188

You deserved it

1706

Tweet

Share

By csully - France

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7147

You deserved it

26636

Tweet

Share

By Jims - Singapore

Today, the only person who wished me a happy birthday is the policeman who checked my identity card for being "suspiciously gangster-like". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39350

You deserved it

5732

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45863

You deserved it

3647

Tweet

Share

By merse - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40895

You deserved it

3125

Tweet

Share

By firefighter - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11102

You deserved it

45189

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4679

You deserved it

1319

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47058

You deserved it

2810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28217

You deserved it

3158

Tweet

Share

By Koko - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19693

You deserved it

1897

Tweet

Share

By ugly duckling - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27932

You deserved it

3058

Tweet

Share

By wow - United States

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35101

You deserved it

4491

Tweet

Share

By TeachAllTheMath

Today, a 5th grader tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “Don’t ever watch Two Girls, One Cup. Trust me.” While I appreciate the advice, I am dreading the phone call home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3716

You deserved it

275

Tweet

Share

By opinaise - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42978

You deserved it

3969

Tweet

Share

By Carolyn Burnham

Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10926

You deserved it

846

Tweet

Share

By Pepsi - 6/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Social reform, please

Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1602

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Foxy - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70157

You deserved it

26761

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37833

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By ValeyFallsAlot

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26802

You deserved it

2979

Tweet

Share

By Emily - France

Today, I woke up to a good friend of mine leaving my bed. The very friend I've had a crush on for months, and knows exactly how I feel about him. Everything was great until he said, "Yeah, about last night... It's just that you were there, and I was weak. See ya." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41754

You deserved it

7220

Tweet

Share

By gutav indogop - Switzerland

Today, one of my students corrected the problem I had solved on the board, explaining that you do multiplication before subtraction. I teach the second grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12276

You deserved it

54491

Tweet

Share

By jodafish - Canada

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35460

You deserved it

2686

Tweet

Share

By Slaanesh - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8015

You deserved it

38815

Tweet

Share

By cheap - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43928

You deserved it

6720

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Boondall

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks

61895

You deserved it

6177

Tweet

Share

By UHM - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56124

You deserved it

4000

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

104379

You deserved it

45043

Tweet

Share

By lilipalmer - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36410

You deserved it

3397

Tweet

Share

By Kole

Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping my head back in laughter at something that wasn't even funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5493

You deserved it

1822

Tweet

Share

By PlaneGuy - Reunion - Saint-denis

Today, I was on a plane and a cute girl was getting ready to sit down beside me, but upon making eye contact, she asked to switch seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6123

You deserved it

707

Tweet

Share

By lovekills99 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she had fantasies about throwing him out a window when he was a baby because she was so depressed and couldn't handle the stress. The worst part is he wants to get married. She'd be my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23581

You deserved it

4229

Tweet

Share

By bbbblt - Australia

Cheats, cheats everwhere

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51722

You deserved it

3813

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36662

You deserved it

3702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48367

You deserved it

4494

Tweet

Share

By bluntedone - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10998

You deserved it

51955

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ptrek85 | 0

#121695 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

This FML is faaaaaaabulous!!

By nodbor | 11

#121690 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:20

did you not get the memo that pink is the new blue for straight men?

COMMENTS

By omgitsseejay | 0

#121674 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:14

eek...
that sucks

Reply

CvBobo | 0

#1001567 - Saturday 22 May 2010 0:47

sux but is well deserved : )

Reply

senseofreason | 0

#1153540 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 21:31

YDI for calling someone gay in the first place,
TexMex, and a 2nd YDI for it being an old person.

By nodbor | 11

#121690 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:20

did you not get the memo that pink is the new blue for straight men?

Reply

Bleepbloop360 | 7

#3501905 - Friday 28 October 2011 4:58

No, because that's not true

By MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#121693 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:21

You kinda deserved that one lol.

By ptrek85 | 0

#121695 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:22

This FML is faaaaaaabulous!!

Reply

xXQuintonXx | 1

#1766454 - Monday 29 November 2010 3:40

lmao win^

By buryuntime | 0

#121704 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:25

You deserved it.

Reply

YDIomg | 9

#3853551 - Monday 9 January 2012 3:07

definitely. A, it was homophobic. B, wearing pink doesn't make you gay. and C, great job insulting a random stranger, WTF.

By joezay_lemon | 0

#121712 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:26

you deserved that one, you should mind your own "bidniss"

By mf_fml | 0

#121714 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:27

old people dress the best 'cause they don't give a fuck!
so yeah, you deserved that one.

By RockieGirl | 0

#121719 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:29

LOL!!!!
oh, poor you.
:D made me laugh

Reply

Bnelson19 | 0

#2918259 - Monday 18 July 2011 4:07

ur so hot

By TeenTiger | 0

#121728 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:33

YDI, never be so quick to judge people.

By Tehalon | 0

#121737 - Saturday 18 April 2009 9:39

#2 Pink is not the new blue for straight men, since blue is also gay.. unless it's navy blue.