Transportation: Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 42

09/10/2009 07:09

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 146

You deserved it 49 786

Transportation

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Our house, in the middle of our street

Fishy anxiety

08/02/2010 04:03

Today, I found out the love of my life, my husband, is cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, his response was, "Don't blame me, you're the gullible bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 409

You deserved it 3 985

02/01/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 641

You deserved it 246

25/10/2009 15:56

Today, my boyfriend admitted to checking out other girls when he's with me. In his defense, "he doesn't look at their face or boobs. Just their ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 240

You deserved it 5 718

09/03/2012 16:55

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 37 009

Too good to be true

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 08:00

Today, after being hella single through this pandemic, I was gently stopped by an attractive man on my way to the bus stop. He looked deep into my eyes, and I took my headphones out so I could hear him better. Then, he started moving nervously, took a breath… and offered me meth, before tweaking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 89

13/11/2011 21:47

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 122

You deserved it 24 505

11/10/2012 05:56

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 594

You deserved it 2 491

03/10/2015 20:45

Today, we had a school reunion. The guy who bullied me throughout my high school career is now rich and married. I'm broke and single, and he specifically came up to me to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 960

You deserved it 2 204

17/05/2014 16:54

Today, trying to be nice, I added this really shy kid from my English class on Facebook. Within minutes, he started going through all my pictures and tagging himself as my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 335

You deserved it 9 918

14/04/2017 22:00

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 338

You deserved it 472

26/04/2013 03:01

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 052

You deserved it 3 235

24/05/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 736

You deserved it 5 421

I'm lovin' it

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 17:09

Today, as usual, I worked at McDonald's. Although I tried to diffuse the situation, an old man was absolutely furious, and punched me in the face over BBQ sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 106

16/11/2011 05:11

Today, I had an anxiety attack because I thought I'd lost my anxiety medication. It ended up being on the shelf right where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 127

You deserved it 10 315

28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 368

31/07/2014 03:28

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 172

You deserved it 11 173

10/05/2009 14:18

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 162

You deserved it 11 580

19/01/2011 11:05

Today, I worked out that if I paid the minimum monthly amount on my student loans, I'd be paying them until I'm 65. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 672

You deserved it 5 758

29/01/2010 15:29

Today, I found out my dad bought an iPhone. I've spent the better part of the last six months teaching him how to check his email and online newspapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 542

You deserved it 3 615

18/09/2010 23:13

Today, my husband told me he had been cheating on me for the past 8 months. Twenty minutes later, he asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 926

You deserved it 3 060

25/09/2012 17:13

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 771

You deserved it 1 672

23/08/2011 14:51

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only 4 months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 132

You deserved it 2 626

12/01/2010 03:40

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 676

You deserved it 4 244

07/09/2018 18:30

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 770

You deserved it 200

11/03/2009 00:10

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 294

You deserved it 63 347

09/08/2013 22:23

Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all went to hell; I slipped and fell, bringing down with me the curtain and grooming products, and putting my back out. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 349

You deserved it 7 384

16/05/2012 08:20

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 746

You deserved it 3 908

23/07/2016 18:36

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 055

You deserved it 1 510

20/03/2012 01:03

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 673

You deserved it 2 062

02/08/2013 20:23

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 655

You deserved it 6 108

Mixology

By fml9124 - 22/10/2020 02:00

Today, my wife is out of town on business. So I got drunk. Really drunk. Felt like swimming around midnight (we live in Arizona). Jumped in the pool… and forget how to swim. Too uncoordinated, I almost drowned. Then I threw up in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 2 330

27/02/2014 20:58

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 008

You deserved it 6 123

16/10/2018 17:30

Today, I was pulled over and given a ticket for a broken tail light. On the way to the mechanic. To get my tail light fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 166

10/01/2014 11:15

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 262

You deserved it 5 748

11/07/2019 14:00

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 519

22/11/2016 17:46

Today, I was at orientation for my new job. There were only 6 other people in the training. Throughout the whole entire training, I kept smelling cat urine and moving further away from the other person. Only to get in my car and realize my cat peed in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 604

You deserved it 2 348

23/06/2014 22:59

Today, I started a new internship. I couldn't do anything until I was trained, and I couldn't be trained until I had a login. I stared at a wall for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 404

You deserved it 4 349

22/12/2010 11:43

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 729

You deserved it 9 612

20/04/2012 07:34

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 345

You deserved it 10 407

24/12/2012 05:33

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 066

You deserved it 7 956

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Top comments

anniemeece 23

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:10

Why the hell would you be "examining and admiring it"? That's just disgusting!

citybeats 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:54

Being in your car alone =/= invisibility.

Comments

Exhumed 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:08

first

Exhumed 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:19

first first

missmollylynn 0

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Saturday 10 October 2009 18:44

this is so fake.

superboboboi 0

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 10:04

this made me wanna pick me nose

superboboboi 0

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 10:06

so i did. And Today, anti-fuck er i mean flood made me angry. grr FML

UMAD_fml 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:09

boogers are funny

anniemeece 23

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:10

Why the hell would you be "examining and admiring it"? That's just disgusting!

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Saturday 10 October 2009 4:44

Because the nose picking in the first place isn't disgusting as it is.

EasilyUnamused 2

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Saturday 10 October 2009 8:06

Don't act like you've never done it before.

superboboboi 0

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Wednesday 14 April 2010 9:55

i take a few moments to admire mine too. sprcially the big random colored ones

FloridaOranges 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:14

Did you eat it?

ItsAshxD 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:17

Maybe he stuck it back in his nose so he could admire it later.

letthemxeatcake 0

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Saturday 10 October 2009 0:21

AHAHAHAHAHA

SiLvEr_070 5

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Sunday 11 October 2009 7:37

ROFL BHAHAHAHAHA

OttersOtters 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:17

http://www.prizerebel.com/index.php?r=3915

TheSuitGuy 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:18

FYL indeed. You just found out you're a psycho, and need help, NOW

Bloodknight 22

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:21

Sick. YDI for "examining and admiring" it. I mean come on WTF...

mj2123 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:26

Agreed.

plexico 3

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:35

He probably thought you were going to hog that beauty all to yourself.

MelanieBerrigan 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 20:40

lmao haha your funny

DirtyDiana_fml 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:37

If you would of said "Right after I ate it, i noticed the owner of my company staring in complete revulsion." I would've lol'd

kukopia 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:39

You're a peon. The owner doesn't know you, much less know you work for him. Shoulda flicked it on his car and laughed in his face.

RataBlanca 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 16:55

Maybe the company is rather small, and the owner knows who his employees are.

kukopia 0

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Friday 9 October 2009 19:48

I already said the Co owner doesn't know him.