By lohandork - United Kingdom - Roehampton Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the bogey I'd just picked from my nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 7139 You deserved it 11053 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nickki - United States Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML I agree, your life sucks 27998 You deserved it 3583 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hairstylistprobs - United States Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML I agree, your life sucks 31270 You deserved it 2628 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Point Pleasant Beach Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML I agree, your life sucks 33757 You deserved it 4910 270 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By gui909 - France Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML I agree, your life sucks 24712 You deserved it 7269 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By yourebeautiful - United States Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML I agree, your life sucks 39008 You deserved it 2804 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtfseriously - United States Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML I agree, your life sucks 8434 You deserved it 78353 242 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By f*ck - United States Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML I agree, your life sucks 8278 You deserved it 97795 387 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML I agree, your life sucks 39980 You deserved it 5505 206 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pimplesapparently - United States - New York Today, I sent my friend a snapchat without any makeup on. She asked what filter I used because it made my face look all red and blotchy. FML I agree, your life sucks 21111 You deserved it 2754 45 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fauxgeek Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML I agree, your life sucks 13286 You deserved it 3351 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By he's a dawk, and a cunt - Australia - Darling Point Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML I agree, your life sucks 47934 You deserved it 8046 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hungry - United States - Appleton Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML I agree, your life sucks 43791 You deserved it 4663 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GracieGirl When feral kids attack Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML I agree, your life sucks 1532 You deserved it 100 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 20:02 Johnny Weissmuller over here Today, I was walking in the woods with the girl I like when I saw a vine overhanging a small creek. Trying to make her laugh, I took off my shirt and started swinging on the vine like Tarzan. The vine snapped and I fell into the creek. Guess who's missing half the skin on his back? FML I agree, your life sucks 646 You deserved it 2078 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arghhh - United States Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML I agree, your life sucks 39653 You deserved it 5657 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Schrewt - France Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML I agree, your life sucks 30540 You deserved it 3146 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cj123 - United States Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML I agree, your life sucks 31416 You deserved it 5464 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By wtfdad - United States - Little Silver Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML I agree, your life sucks 40122 You deserved it 4216 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia - Jiddah Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML I agree, your life sucks 50301 You deserved it 10074 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Xbieblette51 - United States - Lynnwood Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML I agree, your life sucks 48752 You deserved it 6924 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML I agree, your life sucks 48422 You deserved it 3058 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BritishDates Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML I agree, your life sucks 2705 You deserved it 356 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bchorror - 22/4/2020 02:00 One ring to… Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML I agree, your life sucks 1867 You deserved it 1086 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BrownDump - United States Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 41239 You deserved it 14154 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Leauge - United States - Owensboro Very smart Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 2306 You deserved it 279 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Vac - United States Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. They informed me they were lawyers throughout the meal, which explained the gorgeous house. My boyfriend excitedly told them I was promoted manager at my job. They asked where I work. I work at Burger King. FML I agree, your life sucks 59479 You deserved it 8703 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumb - United States Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML I agree, your life sucks 75290 You deserved it 4558 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - Canada - Mississauga Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML I agree, your life sucks 33655 You deserved it 2567 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By enriquegay - United States Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML I agree, your life sucks 59060 You deserved it 37443 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Upset - United States Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML I agree, your life sucks 81862 You deserved it 4199 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - American Canyon Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML I agree, your life sucks 40589 You deserved it 7367 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/6/2020 20:08 Sharing is caring Today, when he came back to bed, I asked my flatmate who I've been sleeping since the start of lockdown, whether he had washed his hands after going to pee. He said he barely touched his dick, so he didn't need to. He likes putting his fingers in my mouth when we have sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1474 You deserved it 617 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 23:00 Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich Today, I tried to make breakfast. I had everything cooking on the stove when I reached to turn on the faucet, only to find out that the head of the faucet was up the sleeve of my robe. After drying off, I went to serve my boyfriend his plate, but when I returned, the stove had caught fire. FML I agree, your life sucks 1325 You deserved it 508 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sugarbeet - United States Sounds nice Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML I agree, your life sucks 32077 You deserved it 3919 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WhyMe - United States Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML I agree, your life sucks 52508 You deserved it 4293 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Simms - United States Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 22448 You deserved it 6437 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 13:59 Check these out, guys! Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML I agree, your life sucks 316 You deserved it 667 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ambled - United States Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML I agree, your life sucks 23506 You deserved it 2317 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By picklebug - United States - Minneapolis Funny, thanks Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML I agree, your life sucks 53090 You deserved it 10126 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drpepperking10 - United States Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML I agree, your life sucks 16245 Phew, glad it wasn't me 3240 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DocBastard | 38 #6612740 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:35 Drunk driving Talking and driving Drowsy driving Texting and driving Reading and driving Applying makeup and driving Road sex I never thought I'd have to add "Picking and driving" to my Stupid Things Only Idiots Do While Driving list. Send a private message 206 11 Reply
By cfojo | 19 #6612728 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:15 Well, either way you were distracted. Try to be more careful! Send a private message 106 5 Reply
By samsterling | 19 #6612727 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:15 Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway You should have yelled back "I HAD A BOGEY AND I'M PROUD OF IT!" Send a private message 55 29 Reply
Reply farmgirl98 | 14 #6612778 - Monday 23 May 2016 3:04 Sorry you're getting down-voted... You made me laugh anyway;) Send a private message 19 10 Reply
Reply TMO2142 | 25 #6613911 - Tuesday 24 May 2016 17:47 Bad day today and i read this comment. Thanks for making me laugh Send a private message 1 1 Reply
By cfojo | 19 #6612728 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:15 Well, either way you were distracted. Try to be more careful! Send a private message 106 5 Reply
By nonsensical | 26 #6612729 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:16 The dangers of picking your nose and driving... YDI for not being focused on the road. 31 6 Reply
By otakupowers | 7 #6612731 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:23 Well, at least it wasn't a cop and you didn't get a ticket. Send a private message 5 7 Reply
By tranced_ | 44 #6612734 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:26 you were picking your nose and he thought you were texting? he should be careful on the roads himself #justsayin Send a private message 13 10 Reply
By CutePichu | 11 #6612735 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:26 The category your follow is in is glitches for me :( Send a private message 7 19 Reply
Reply Sudoc | 28 #6612964 - Monday 23 May 2016 8:54 The category for this post shows up as "fml.category.ui.11". At least it does for me. Send a private message 3 2 Reply
Reply bodyguerdson | 16 #6613017 - Monday 23 May 2016 12:19 I don't know why you are downvoted, your comment is correct: it is glitched Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By Kershme123 | 2 #6612739 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:33 what the actual fuck?! this story makes absolutely no fucking sense! is this what you call adults?! Send a private message 3 33 Reply
By DocBastard | 38 #6612740 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:35 Drunk driving Talking and driving Drowsy driving Texting and driving Reading and driving Applying makeup and driving Road sex I never thought I'd have to add "Picking and driving" to my Stupid Things Only Idiots Do While Driving list. Send a private message 206 11 Reply
Reply Halfass | 8 #6612768 - Monday 23 May 2016 2:32 Driving and booger admiring Send a private message 10 1 Reply
Reply PePziNL | 20 #6612812 - Monday 23 May 2016 4:31 Talking and driving? Must be very boring driving with you... Aside from that, I agree with every point on your list. Send a private message 18 3 Reply
Reply naviajack626 | 16 #6612906 - Monday 23 May 2016 7:05 He probably meant talking on the phone. Send a private message 6 3 Reply
Reply Sora_McKain | 36 #6613430 - Monday 23 May 2016 22:05 I think you forgot to add those who change clothes while driving, like my mom does. It drives me crazy! Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By ClitasaurusRex | 3 #6612751 - Monday 23 May 2016 1:55 Fucking gross Send a private message 12 3 Reply
By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40 #6612762 - Monday 23 May 2016 2:17 What the fuck? Get a tissue next time, that's nasty. Send a private message 14 0 Reply
Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers... I agree, your life sucks 321 You deserved it 16 3 Comments
Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went... I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 260 7 Comments
Talking and driving
Drowsy driving
Texting and driving
Reading and driving
Applying makeup and driving
Road sex
I never thought I'd have to add "Picking and driving" to my Stupid Things Only Idiots Do While Driving list.