Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
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Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my bedridden, 94-year-old grandma. She woke me up at 6 a.m. only to tell me her UTI is still there. Later, she made me interrupt my 15-minute-dinner a total of 4 times because she wanted things like "more lotion in her buttcrack." FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I went shopping with my grandma. She went to the bathroom and was gone for a long while. I jokingly asked, "What happened, you fall in?" She did. She had shit all over the back of her shirt. FML
Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML
Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
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Top comments
Random_Person88 8
i spent like 5 mins trying to come up with a response to this but i just couldn't.
iAmScrubs 19
"Well, let me tell you one thing young one. The first thing I check for is if the poop is a healthy shade of green. Then I put my hand in it to check if it is the right texture. The last thing I do is waft the smell towards me. It should smell like a combination between sulphuric acid and orange juice."
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Comments (113)
LuhDemDinosaurz 6
Wow. That sounds like an enjoyable story. Sorry. If my grandma did that id; be like......Cool Story Bro. .-.
floozle702 7
What a shitty situation.....
ckr911 5
bravo, bravo!! whereever did you come up with such a punny comment?
compasseagle89 8
i see what you did there...
ruthchun92 2
change the subject... even hearing about how your grandpa took her virginity would be less uncomfortable to imagine. atleast for me anyways...
iAmScrubs 19
"Well, let me tell you one thing young one. The first thing I check for is if the poop is a healthy shade of green. Then I put my hand in it to check if it is the right texture. The last thing I do is waft the smell towards me. It should smell like a combination between sulphuric acid and orange juice."
MangoRico1 1
hide and seek...
compasseagle89 8
looking for the calcium pill?
scotch 4
that's the way to do if!
scotch 4
it*
green_eggs_and_h 0
Well it is important to make sure family members are taking their calcium pills. My brother used to hide his behind the radiator.
RokNRoll11 9
as long that isn't your future right?
portcaveman 5
your profile picture is amazing
iJiZinURsis 1
I appologize for how painfully akward that must have been broseph
TheDarkCynder 2
Eww...