Miscellaneous: Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into... - FML

13/06/2016 15:27 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 444

You deserved it 786

Sorry…

Triage

You tried

18/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, exactly 28 days after I started my last period, I started a new period. This would be perfectly healthy and normal except that my last period was 24 days long. This has happened every month this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 428

You deserved it 292

01/06/2017 04:00

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 240

13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 103

You deserved it 2 749

26/06/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 426

You deserved it 1 997

25/05/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 908

You deserved it 40 734

30/10/2013 22:27 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 612

You deserved it 8 672

23/08/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 7 956

Fill her up

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 19:55

Today, I'm nearly done with my cortisol treatment for a persistent multi-day migraine. Good news: it actually stopped for the last two blissful, pain-free days. Bad news: apparently anything less than the maximum dose of cortisol doesn't prevent me from getting a new migraine. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 49

29/12/2013 09:05 - United States

Today, my husband told me yet again that the last two years have been the worst of his life. Our two year anniversary is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 510

You deserved it 4 745

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 77

03/09/2010 23:02

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 397

You deserved it 3 457

24/11/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my room-mates were inspired by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar", into which we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 751

You deserved it 27 367

Well shit.

By Wells Fargo Worker - 18/05/2018 19:00

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 333

You deserved it 221

07/03/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 448

You deserved it 25 990

30/07/2013 23:19 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 461

You deserved it 6 067

02/01/2014 05:14 - United States - Stockbridge

Spicy

Today, I decided to do a little shopping at Victoria's Secret. The woman at the register smiled and asked, "Got a special someone to impress?" I told her that my boyfriend of three years was in town for New Year's and we haven't seen each other in months. Then I went home to my four cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 629

You deserved it 13 652

02/01/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 246

You deserved it 8 066

17/05/2009 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 890

You deserved it 21 396

03/09/2013 04:13 - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 921

You deserved it 5 171

OK Shaggy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 99

20/01/2013 18:22 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Spicy

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 7 522

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Jobless - 28/03/2020 14:00

Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 116

31/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 147

You deserved it 6 354

06/04/2019 20:00

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 170

07/05/2011 00:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 390

You deserved it 4 678

05/07/2016 18:01

Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 666

You deserved it 1 792

25/09/2009 12:54 - United States

Today, I received an envelope from verizon. I assumed it was my bill. I opened it and saw a visa credit card offer so I quickly snapped it in half to prevent identity theft. Only after playing with the pieces for 10 minutes did I realize that it was my $100 rebate from my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 187

You deserved it 62 359

25/09/2010 02:35 - United States

Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 2 801

30/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 429

You deserved it 4 330

01/10/2013 08:34 - United States - Staffordsville

Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 411

You deserved it 4 016

04/06/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 258

You deserved it 6 132

22/01/2009 07:02 - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 394

You deserved it 33 218

Still married

By need not know - 19/01/2020 05:00

Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 904

You deserved it 213

26/09/2014 21:07 - United States - Pensacola

Spicy

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 071

You deserved it 8 163

23/04/2019 04:00

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 3 480

Start your Monday with a Song!

By inappropes - 08/07/2019 14:00

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 737

01/12/2016 18:22

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 436

You deserved it 9 717

23/01/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 333

You deserved it 3 242

20/05/2015 16:17 - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 2 258

25/10/2012 02:44 - United States - Waukesha

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 434

You deserved it 1 653

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Top comments

faeryofshalott 25

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:45

Well, now you will be. Doesn't she read the box? If you take laxatives for too long your body won't poop without them.

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:53

At least you've never been full of shit. You have that going for you.

Comments

faeryofshalott 25

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:45

Well, now you will be. Doesn't she read the box? If you take laxatives for too long your body won't poop without them.

Jared900DUmpling 30

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 3:14

Wait, seriously? I don't know whether this is a joke or not as I've never had to use laxatives

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 4:18

it's true same with emmas I know because I'm a vet

faeryofshalott 25

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 5:53

#17 it's true. What happens is that after awhile of taking laxatives (depending on strength) your body becomes dependent on the laxatives and so you become more constipated. That's why you're more likely to be prescribed a high fibre diet over a laxative for constipation.

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 6:19

I know I can't go without Emma. She keeps begging me to stop dragging her to the bathroom when I need to do my business, but what are you gonna do?

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 12:58

17 and a vet? Yeah I don't think so.

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 20:08

Okay I'm in a vet school and volunteer at one

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:46

How on earth didn't u notice that

tigerisabelle 31

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 0:10

Yes, when I have an upset stomach, I immediately assume someone must be slipping laxatives in my food. That's why i have my pet human taste all my meals for me

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 2:20

Where'd you get your pet human? Mine's been acting up recently and I'm thinking of getting a replacement. Training them is just so hard.

ShleeG 23

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 5:00

#14 you can't just replace your pet human! that's terrible! if you can't handle your human you don't deserve to have one at all!

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 7:54

Maybe OP does need laxatives if they never noticed anything amiss.

PhantomKitty 26

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 21:07

Obviously they did notice something amiss, because otherwise this wouldn't be on FML.

tigerisabelle 31

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 23:53

#14, I bought him at Costco. I had to sacrifice some quality, but you can't beat the price. Plus, I get 50% off my next purchase!

Xcizer 17

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Wednesday 15 June 2016 15:54

I got my African and German breed at PeoplePets.org. You can get them for 20% off if you use CodeKeem.

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Thursday 16 June 2016 10:23

The way it was worded ("found out") made me think he caught her adding them or heard about it from someone else, not necessarily that he noticed anything wrong about his bodily functions. Obviously, she should not be secretly drugging him. Doing so over a long period of time may even cause OP to continue to need them.

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:48

Grandmas will be grandmas !

TheKingOfHearts 19

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:48

Time for some lax revenge? ;)

Twisted_Killjoy 23

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:49

Laxatives are a slippery slope...

Twisted_Killjoy 23

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:52

I wouldn't want to get stuck in a shitty situation like that...

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Monday 13 June 2016 23:09

Doesn't seem like getting stuck would be an issue.

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:53

At least you've never been full of shit. You have that going for you.

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 3:06

And going... and going... and going.

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 21:26

Actually he used to be, as a child

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Monday 13 June 2016 22:55

Call me crazy, but I don't think that's how it works

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 2:06

Hi Crazy

domolovesyoshi 33

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 5:47

Nice to meet you crazy.

whysojealous 18

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Monday 13 June 2016 23:41

Why do I so many fmls involving guardians slipping drugs into people's food, it's not safe

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 12:45

Like that one about the parents slipping contraceptive pills into their daughters juice every morning

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Monday 13 June 2016 23:52

Hahaha grandmas be like.

PhantomKitty 26

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Tuesday 14 June 2016 23:55

...What? What do they be like? I'm genuinely curious.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 43

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 109