Miscellaneous: Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 1 258

06/10/2009 07:12

Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 36 951

Taking stock

Stop talking!

Lockdown blues

13/07/2014 17:54

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 849

You deserved it 6 991

That caffeine rush

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 342

22/03/2011 01:03

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 237

You deserved it 2 904

Let's go for a walk

By jonloran - 14/08/2015 09:08

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 734

You deserved it 2 269

23/12/2013 19:13

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 947

You deserved it 6 416

25/08/2014 03:27

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 191

You deserved it 5 643

10/04/2009 21:39

Today, I went out to eat with some friends. They picked a table that wasn't big enough for all of us. I had to sit in the booth behind them. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 281

You deserved it 4 724

Small comforts

By Anonymous - 22/03/2020 22:36

Spicy

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend admitted to having an affair. To comfort me, he said, "But you have bigger boobs, so you have nothing to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 166

13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 519

You deserved it 11 316

30/10/2010 00:10

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 683

You deserved it 5 291

28/11/2015 05:25

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 864

You deserved it 1 952

07/04/2016 16:07

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 724

You deserved it 1 902

04/01/2011 19:34

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 413

You deserved it 6 252

28/04/2015 15:05

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 3 295

Seasons greetings to you too

By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 69

14/08/2009 05:29

Today, I found out my friend has been texting my long distance boyfriend more than I do. When I confronted her about it, she confessed that it was because they had been planning a surprise appearance for me. I've never been surprised before, and I ruined my own surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 132

You deserved it 47 134

18/12/2015 17:49

Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 1 886

25/05/2016 17:39

Today, as always, I'd be so incredibly happy if my girlfriend loved me even half as much as she loves her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 075

You deserved it 1 870

03/07/2011 04:47

Today, it took me 5 hours to paint my deck, only to have it ruined by the neighbor's cat running all over the undry paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 721

You deserved it 3 419

She definitely heard

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 1 231

Growing old gracefully

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 18:25

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 659

You deserved it 623

07/03/2009 04:17

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 289

You deserved it 7 291

03/02/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 762

You deserved it 354

07/10/2014 16:06

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 127

You deserved it 3 351

08/06/2011 05:21

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 093

You deserved it 14 111

30/11/2009 17:22

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 198

You deserved it 3 246

04/03/2016 16:47

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 178

You deserved it 5 476

I'm trying!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was trying to exercise to lose weight but I got terrible bloating. Turns out that’s a common response, because the body thinks it’s being stressed. This is right after being diagnosed with allergies to some vegetables. I’m trying to be healthy, I swear. My body won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 82

Underestimated overachiever

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 20:00

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 176

22/12/2017 19:00

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 656

You deserved it 321

Bye bye asshat

By Sadbxtch - 09/09/2021 17:01

Today, my now-ex-fiance told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. The baby is his. The same coworker he assured me was just a "professional platonic friendship." Our wedding was set to be this Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 76

28/08/2013 04:06

Today, I walked into my new office for the first time after receiving the promotion I've been trying for. Someone took a dump on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 599

You deserved it 3 654

Missing out

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 00:02

Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 203

28/05/2011 09:24

Spicy

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 678

You deserved it 61 615

06/03/2010 07:38

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 244

You deserved it 40 809

Germaphobe

By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - 23/11/2013 18:33

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 998

You deserved it 3 773

Work anxiety

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 78

09/11/2009 18:42

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 2 772

11/03/2017 16:00

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 542

You deserved it 578

09/04/2018 08:00

Today, I dropped my phone in the parking lot and it landed next to a car tire. As I reached to pick it up, the car backed up and ran over my phone and my hand. Hello, emergency room! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 033

You deserved it 441

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:20

Good on him for it. What you SHOULD be complaining about is the fact that everyone ELSE who saw you that day didn't care to tell you.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 17:17

Fashion Police

Comments

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:04

0th

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 17:03

1sst

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 0:47

finally, a cop good for something.

This_Quiet_Storm 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 7:26

I'm so confused... how is this an FML? At all? How does this even make sense? This isn't something I care about in the slightest. it's like saying: today I walked into my kitchen and ate some cereal. The cereal expires next week. Who cares? There's no comical element to this at all!!!!

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Sunday 11 October 2009 7:11

Did you buy the pants and wear them on the way home? YDI

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Sunday 7 February 2010 4:37

lol ikr

dmj96 0

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Tuesday 23 March 2010 6:38

lol this was funnier than any of these fmls

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Saturday 12 June 2010 15:13

lol i agree w/ #2 how is that an fml?

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Wednesday 7 July 2010 7:02

yeah I really don't get it. maybe it's an fml because she wasn't wearing the pants and the cop saw them through her window? or maybe op was just a little scared she was in trouble.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:51

today, I was walking down the street when a cop pulled over next to me. he said, "you know I can't let you do this. you know those jeans you bought? there's a huge hole in the butt." and drove away. he was right. FML

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Friday 19 November 2010 6:49

today I was walking down the street and a cop pulled over...FML

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Thursday 21 April 2011 13:31

it's an fml because the cop was watching her or something to know that the sticker was still on the pants.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:10

Hopefully you were on your way out and not your way home. And he was nice enough too tell you. I hardly call this a FML.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:59

I agree. I probably wouldve high-fived that cop rather than getting pissed and posting it to fml.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 22:30

unless the OP got a ticket

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:24

i dont get it

supermonkelyn 6

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Saturday 11 September 2010 4:36

maybe it creeped her out to know that the cop knew she had just bought them. for all he should know she could've bought them last week and just forgotten to take the sticker off. so they were probly just freaked out to think a cop was stalking them.

Insert_Wit_Here 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:12

Today a cop was hilarious. FML.

ozac 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 18:32

win. haha.

pleasetryagain 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:12

WHAT? A cop stops your car to help you out and you're bitching about it??? BOO HOO.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:14

OP was walking, noob.

pleasetryagain 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:36

Even though the OP was walking, my statement still stands.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 18:18

#4 fails so hard

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 21:45

actually #16, your name still stands

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 7:33

#60 WINS

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Thursday 4 February 2010 4:08

agreed

leenheartlovex3 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:13

Wtf he's gay.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 0:39

Right, because a guy commenting on someone else's pants MUST be gay.

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Sunday 20 March 2011 22:00

only gay people keep their eyes open. obviously.. lmao

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 1:09

only fags check out chicks asses, everyone knows this

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:14

Fail

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:18

How is this an FML? Your life is screwed because of a sticker? oh no... aaahhh.... stickers...

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 19:09

At first I thought she shoplifted them, that's why the cop was like 'I can't let you do this'. But she was just being a moron. This cop wins, he's like fashion police :D

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:20

Good on him for it. What you SHOULD be complaining about is the fact that everyone ELSE who saw you that day didn't care to tell you.

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Sunday 1 January 2012 6:38

To protect and serve!... And correct peoples clothing choices

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Wednesday 11 January 2012 7:17

You are an idiot. Your picture says it all.

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Tuesday 15 April 2014 4:40

Wasn't just a regular police officer that pulled you over... It was the *fashion* police officer!

sayyestothedress 24

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Saturday 30 August 2014 15:31

#130 your an idiot, and what kind or picture is that?!?

99MDC 0

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:21

Well done.

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Tuesday 6 October 2009 16:21

haha YDI for not taking the stickers off your pants.