Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25553

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Intimacy

White line fever

Fear factor

Thanks for the miracle

By stun_zeed

Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML

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8982

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By izoliv - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

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38577

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By Dj sMoZ!

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14438

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21531

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By FMLMom - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I learned that my son goes on online chat rooms and has sexual fantasy role-play. To make matters worse, the characters he uses are from My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35699

You deserved it

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7418

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By HR - United States

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

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22808

You deserved it

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By Samantha35

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turn around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2491

You deserved it

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By notbrowsingnow - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24734

You deserved it

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By Mike - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30255

You deserved it

2970

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By Host grandfather - United States - Tampa

Today, I took my transfer student, who I am hosting for her year of study in America, to the doctor. It turns out that she is pregnant, and my teenage son is the father. FML

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4499

You deserved it

607

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By SadFace - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31730

You deserved it

3923

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

I agree, your life sucks

50978

You deserved it

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By dasteve - United States

Today, I won $20 on a scratch ticket my grandma bought me. She wants it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32168

You deserved it

2847

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By squishyboy - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

49563

You deserved it

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By Face_loser - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31346

You deserved it

5218

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By not funny but :( - United States - Wooster

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23162

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4317

You deserved it

640

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By penguindude82 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8680

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss reached over and yanked up my shirt right above my breasts while she said, "I'm all for flaunting it if you've got it, but don't reveal that much cleavage, there are dirty old men that work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18642

You deserved it

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By Petergibbons - United States

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24889

You deserved it

2804

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By ... - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that fist pumping during sex is not romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43615

You deserved it

6687

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38991

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30387

You deserved it

3197

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By BobsBabe2 - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33088

You deserved it

2819

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By damnit - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16744

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48185

You deserved it

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By Jess - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11327

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54021

You deserved it

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By mrdentist

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

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69686

You deserved it

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By anonymous - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12119

You deserved it

2344

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By tryingatkins - United States

Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40049

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28705

You deserved it

2544

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By SmellyLeg

Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3222

You deserved it

295

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By CaBur - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at work I got in an elevator to go upstairs. It wasn't until the doors opened minutes later and people stepped in that I realized I had zoned out and forgot to press the button for the floor I needed. I then promptly exited the elevator and waited for the next elevator to go up in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10298

You deserved it

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By lonelynessinCA - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I pretended I wanted to buy something from a telemarketer so that they would keep talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37936

You deserved it

9709

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By Doritos - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62307

You deserved it

4689

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By TacoMan32 - Canada

Today, after months of unemployment, I finally started at a new job. The building burnt down on my very first shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11044

You deserved it

613

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By nooooooooob - United States

Today, after a long bike-ride home, I thought my roommate was being a douche and holding the door shut to our apartment. After about ten minutes of shoulder-slamming and name calling, I discovered that I just wasn't turning the key all the way, which I found out when my roomie came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8090

You deserved it

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By mu5icadd1ct

Today, my sister stole my bike and gave it to her boyfriend. When I told my parents, they said it was fine, because I wasn't using it anyway. The reason I wasn't using it was because it needed a new tire, and I was saving up for one. FML

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14520

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Top comments

By Standupboi | 0

#626049 - Sunday 18 October 2009 21:30

she probably means from high school musical

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#625909 - Sunday 18 October 2009 20:37

Talking in my sleep is how one of my exes found out I was planning on dumping him.

His reaction just made me even gladder I was going to dump him.

COMMENTS

By El_mariachi | 0

#625834 - Sunday 18 October 2009 19:59

first!

AnaMaree | 0

#633970 - Friday 23 October 2009 3:12

Troy from HSM?

troyboyd05 | 0

#909859 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 4:55

I'm Troy...so can I do nasty things to her?

pu13 | 5

#983987 - Friday 23 April 2010 7:02

yes she prob imagined him singing as he did stuff. songs with names like "I'm just trying to fit in" and such... sexual jokes

moi101 | 0

#1127100 - Friday 23 July 2010 7:18

retarded

crabbyabby718 | 0

#2113201 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 1:44

hahah I was thinking that too

xmuffinx | 6

#6014023 - Monday 21 July 2014 13:51

That's what I was thinking worse comes to worse is ask her who Troy is or if she ever had a friend named Troy

By El_mariachi | 0

#625843 - Sunday 18 October 2009 20:02

and btw that sucks 4 u

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1009845 - Friday 28 May 2010 4:20

haha six 4 u!

By darkmis1 | 17

#625853 - Sunday 18 October 2009 20:08

Nobody cares if you're first ^
OP, that sux, but maybe she wuz talking about a movie character? I doubt it tho-I'm sry-being cheated on sux :-/

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6525212 - Sunday 31 January 2016 22:20

So... Are you trying to say you've never had a sex dream about someone other than your girlfriend?

By Trippyfalla | 0

#625868 - Sunday 18 October 2009 20:12

i smell a three way in the works

EvilPotato | 14

#2312091 - Friday 8 April 2011 3:21

4 you sir fail, it's called a threesome

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#625909 - Sunday 18 October 2009 20:37

Talking in my sleep is how one of my exes found out I was planning on dumping him.

His reaction just made me even gladder I was going to dump him.

veesky | 0

#1629842 - Sunday 31 October 2010 2:35

awesome haha

SixthSinEnvy | 39

#6631253 - Sunday 19 June 2016 2:00

*Even more glad. Sorry but that bothers the hell out of me.

By Standupboi | 0

#626049 - Sunday 18 October 2009 21:30

she probably means from high school musical

By IceCream53423 | 0

#626054 - Sunday 18 October 2009 21:31

umm
how do we no OPs name isn't Troy??

unFmyLife | 0

#627376 - Monday 19 October 2009 15:32

Why would it be FML if the OP was Troy?

By cr4ckb0n3f4n | 0

#626131 - Sunday 18 October 2009 22:09

too little info to tell is than fml or an ydi

By raeannriley | 0

#626162 - Sunday 18 October 2009 22:26

and sometimes people can't always help what they dream. so really, it's not an fyl!! more like not significant to your life at all.

RoseBlack123 | 37

#5770749 - Thursday 28 November 2013 2:06

Exactly. Often in my dreams, I forget that I have a boyfriend, and end up flirting in them with my guy friends that I would absolutely never date in real life. It doesn't really mean anything though

By justmyluck1212 | 0

#626244 - Sunday 18 October 2009 23:05

He could be a celebrity crush she has, lol.