Today, I was sitting on the bus when a good looking girl accidentally brushed her ass up against my shoulder as she walked past. This only made me realize that this has been the closest I've come to touching a girls ass in over a year. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML
Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML
Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML
Today, there were no more seats on the bus I was taking home, which meant I had to stand. I noticed that a creepy guy sitting in front of me had a boner, so I took a few steps back. Suddenly the bus went through something like a speed bump, which caused me to fall and sit on the man's lap. FML
Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML
Today, on the bus, a large smelly man was sat next to me, pushing me against the divider and sliding into me on every turn. When he got up for his stop, his pants had loosened and his bare ass was staring me in the face. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 29
You should take the bus more often.
perdix 29
So what happened over a year ago? Did you bump into a girl's ass in a check-out counter line or something? I'm hassling you, buddy, but I'm on a bit of an ass-touching drought myself, butt I'm hoping to fix that sooñ.
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Comments (86)
Keyman1212 14
YOU PERVERT.
xxcheezy7xx 5
uhmm ew
ImZachhh 0
ur ew.
manMadeFAIL 7
haha got get a life u perv... u probably play black ops to 1:00 in the morning
Keyman1212 14
Never played the Call of Duty franchise in my life.
182crazyking 9
I wonder how this ass-to-shoulder thing works. Is it trollphysics?
Supersonic54 18
Uh sucks for you?
Kaiden2554 3
Did u whip it out the next time she walked by!?????
IronZombie 0
I agree, should have whipped ur dick out and rubbed it on her shoulder and see if she likes it
yesiyes 0
wow, it's been soo long!-_-
Takador 3
OP go gay! :D u'll have better chances xD
Wheredidgrungego 12
Being bisexual is more fun :D
zjrsi 0
get a room you two
Onlydie 0
Why are you smelling girls ass
xxcheezy7xx 5
he not smelling he's touching, ;)
Geoffrx7 0
you have given it a little tap, and then wink at her when she turns around.
Doortje 29
You should take the bus more often.
KingDingALing 9
I will resume that cheating argument now. How could you do this to me, Doortje?! You have broken my heart. :( KaySL never did this to me! Probably because everyone was too scared to stalk his scary ass, but that's beside the point! You must be punished...violently. I was thinking an ass-raping with a strap on that has rusty nails on it will do it.
Doortje 29
I went to the cops, and they told me the best thing to do when you have a stalker is to just ignore them. So I thought I should let you know that will be my strategy from now on.
xxcheezy7xx 5
we don't?
Aerious 0
The bus has good looking girls! ;]
KingDingALing 9
Ehh...I'm done stalking people. It's too much work. I'm just going to go back to sitting on my ass while eating ice cream straight from the bucket.
RedPillSucks 31
You make that sound like its a bad thing.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
it is a bad thing what do u wanna get fat ???
IrishSoulja 4
So?
uhhohh5252 0
sucks to be you(:
mintcar 9
So? Oh no...you haven't touched a girls ass in over a year. I just don't understand what the big deal is. Clearly a guy thing?
ilovepandaz 2
Omg finally someobe who agrees
cfalen 0
it's a jersey thing
docscientist 9
it means he hasn't had any sort of intimacy in that long?
EatnBeef 7
girls don't ever understand that guys have certain needs...ya we don't just say that or fun. we really do have "certain needs"
kristir9426 0
I have certain needs too... it's not just a guy thing..
DncrHap 9
craving intimacy is a completely normal thing. and it's most definitely not only a guy thing. since you don't seem to get it, either you've never been intimate or you have someone to be intimate with now. because it certainly becomes something you miss after a while.
mintcar 9
Being intimate is quite different from being excited because a girl brushed her ass against your shoulder. Intimacy is very personal. Nowhere does the OP even states that he/she misses the idea of being intimate with someone.
boopityboppity 11
"Certain needs"? People need water. We need oxygen. We need sleep. There is not a single guy on the planet who "needs" to touch a girl's ass.
th3disturbed 0
uhh 62 OP clearly is missing intimacy. saying that he hasn't touched an ass in a year pretty much refers to not being in a relationship for a year and he misses that.
DncrHap 9
and 62, where exactly does it say "a girl's ass touched my shoulder AND I GOT SUPER DUPER EXCITED! YAY 4 BUTTZZZ!"? to me, this FML is about missing the touch of a woman. that is a form of intimacy. being sexual with someone, even if it's considered "just *******" is still intimacy of a sort. he obviously misses sex and that's a perfectly okay thing to be all fml about. the touch of another person can be really powerful, whether one gets around or saves it for special people. there's a reason we do it, and it's not just pure instinct.
cant7see7me7 3
69 and there is also no need to be a bitch.
CaptainPat 0
wtf is this shit? not even an fml
nathan5 0
Uh oh. You did NOT just say that!