Miscellaneous: Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas... - FML

By Mandy93 - 20/12/2012 13:57 - Germany - Reipoltskirchen

Today, my mother has stooped to a new level of "hiding" Christmas gifts. She now just dumps them in the middle of the floor and says, "Don't look at them." If she even thinks I'm glancing in the direction of the pile, she will burst into a manic rage, and yell at me for "ruining the surprise." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 118

You deserved it 7 676

Late term

And today, on Dr Phil…

"Life is unfair…"

By Hayley - 11/01/2010 03:37 - Canada

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 496

You deserved it 4 518

By Lincoln - 20/01/2009 01:23 - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 246

You deserved it 2 784

Quickshot

By anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 224

You deserved it 5 978

By HF44 - 29/07/2015 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 083

You deserved it 1 688

By parkertownparadise - 16/02/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 117

You deserved it 4 751

By WTF - 22/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 503

You deserved it 19 378

By Idiot on the bus - 25/03/2017 12:00

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 100

You deserved it 1 541

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 10:29 - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 102

You deserved it 1 443

So beautiful!

By JerryClark - 02/02/2020 14:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 798

You deserved it 508

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss's daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 102

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 13/07/2016 15:21 - United States - Dunkirk

Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 607

You deserved it 924

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 830

You deserved it 5 846

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 589

You deserved it 23 284

By Anonymous - 23/08/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 106

You deserved it 13 359

By georgiana072 - 22/09/2009 07:36 - Philippines

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 589

You deserved it 47 373

By Flipside - 02/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 581

You deserved it 6 430

By Anonymous - 25/05/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 908

You deserved it 40 734

By CierraJordan - 14/03/2012 11:31 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 093

You deserved it 2 705

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 144

You deserved it 4 551

By TBTC - 31/08/2012 07:16 - France - Le G?vre

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 305

You deserved it 5 401

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Spicy

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 061

You deserved it 3 454

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 20:00

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 045

You deserved it 381

By Anonymous - 27/02/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 672

You deserved it 5 424

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Spicy

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 008

You deserved it 12 676

By IbetIgotAIDS - 12/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 524

You deserved it 15 192

By ITM21 - 09/03/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 57 869

Sad sad sad

By Anonymous - 09/09/2015 00:03

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 7 703

By Foxy - 05/02/2009 14:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 194

You deserved it 26 780

By ButNotBed - 04/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 354

You deserved it 817

By Anonymous - 12/06/2014 05:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 803

You deserved it 10 800

Better out than in

By flying13 - 03/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 421

You deserved it 13 260

By zks - 24/03/2011 08:53

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We've been broken up for nearly a year and I've told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven't dated since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 444

You deserved it 5 921

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 16:00

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 153

By WTF - 15/10/2015 04:43 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend because she wanted to be with a man who has an income and a stable career. We are seniors in college and I accepted a really good job offer which I start once I graduate, which she knows about. She dumped me for a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 2 154

By Nancy - 10/03/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 825

You deserved it 4 480

By FMAhole - 12/02/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 658

You deserved it 4 124

By Anonymous - 09/11/2010 11:34 - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 211

You deserved it 2 766

Housekeeper

By Anonymous - 11/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I took my parents and 3 sisters to the airport so they could take a trip to Hawaii. I wasn't invited because they don't like my husband. They asked me to watch the dog and water the plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 890

You deserved it 7 408

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 4 141

Finger on the pulse

By alex - 13/03/2016 19:36 - United States - Seagrove

Today, I started a new job as a receptionist at a nursing home. When two men came in saying, "We're here for Mr. Christensen," I paged him to come to the front desk. Apparently, these men had come from the funeral home to pick up Mr. Christensen's body. I was completely unaware that anyone had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 007

You deserved it 1 631

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Top comments

KelseyDaBoyz 21

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:34

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:33

That.... Almost made sense.

Comments

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:29

Perhaps you could offer to wrap them for her with your eyes closed? :/

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:38

Damn, you must be talented if you can wrap presents with your eyes shut. I can barely wrap with my eyes open. (I can, just not flawlessly like some people make it look). :P

Misswildsides 22

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:48

I wander what made OP's mom resort to this..

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:23

Pure insanity?

GuessWhatKids 13

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Saturday 22 December 2012 19:03

1 - Or just walk in with eyes closed, throw a blanket over them, and walk out.

Brssps 13

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:30

So put presents her presents on her bed and tell her if she goes near them

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:33

That.... Almost made sense.

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:05

presents her presents

insertnameherr 11

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Thursday 20 December 2012 22:24

#6 so close...

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

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Friday 21 December 2012 1:05

2- FINISH THE GODDAMN SENT...

winkydog4056 16

Friday 21 December 2012 2:20

#60_Winky wants to know WHAT is up with your profile mugshot there.

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:31

My mom did that this year too!

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Thursday 20 December 2012 21:37

That's amazing! You should write an FML about it!

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:31

How dare you ruin the surprise!

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Thursday 20 December 2012 19:24

Some kids these days -^- so disrespectful eh? Looking at a pile of new things on the floor. This gives me an idea! When I have kids ima tape the presents to all the walls and tell them if I catch them looking at them, then they don't get em. Like a blind man in the maze >:)

ALlamaOnFire 20

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Thursday 20 December 2012 20:08

I'm going to tape the presents to their backs. I will turn them into TMNT (teenage mutant ninja turtles)

Overatedlife_fml 5

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:32

Someone needs to go to ninja school.

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:34

What a bitch

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Thursday 20 December 2012 22:56

Went a little overboard there, huh?

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:34

At least she buys you some presents...

KelseyDaBoyz 21

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:34

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.

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Friday 21 December 2012 0:02

Home Alone LOL

KelseyDaBoyz 21

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Friday 21 December 2012 2:51

That's not where that is from.

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Friday 21 December 2012 8:16

93: one direction?

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Friday 21 December 2012 17:48

Actually 93, the line was in a home alone movie. It was just coming out of a tv set in the movie.

KelseyDaBoyz 21

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Saturday 22 December 2012 6:27

Did not know that 98, thanks.

SuperDanielNL 23

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:38

She needs help I think

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Thursday 20 December 2012 18:42

Bitches be crazy. Lol, wow. Good luck with that.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 70