Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a wedding. After videotaping the ceremony for a few minutes, my memory was full. I went to delete another video. I accidentally played the loudest video I had. No one was looking at the bride or groom anymore. FML
Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML
Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML
Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one rip. My husband yelled, "She likes to eat beans." FML
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML
Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML
Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML
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Top comments
rubberduckie94 13
Here comes the groom skinny as a broom
TheFamilyElf 17
Grandfathers are the funniest people in the world, hands down. Don't take it seriously, OP. He's most likely kidding. Even if he wasn't, I'm sure you looked stunning.
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Comments (211)
cassie13091 10
Aww I'm sorry OP. You know old people say what's on their minds.
RahmEsHestos 5
Very, very true
iamyummylicious 14
And it's generally true...
bettyc4 26
Don't brides usually go on a diet before the wedding to avoid that?
Llamacod 11
No
Pandacupcakelove 26
I hate shallow people like you..
silvergaze 1
They SHOULD lol. I won't be fat on MY wedding day. HELLLL no.
Awsumuzzie 12
Why should she change herself? Everyone knows what she looks like, and if her husband isn't complaining and it's not killing her, I don't see a real reason to diet for a wedding her friends and family are at.
desireev 18
No matter what size she is, her husband loves her. He, obviously, loves her for WHO SHE IS if he's marrying her! There's no need to lose weight!
tdawg4200 0
Oh it looks like the Dove love yourself campaign has made its way here too.
GoW_Chick 15
Who said she was fat, he was probably bored and wanted to get to the reception, so decided to bide his time by saying silly things. Plus size, or any size she was beautiful, and I bet her husband felt like the luckiest man when she was walking down that aisle.
desireev 18
"Like OMG! You HAVE to use this toothbrush! So you won't scrape the back of your throat with your fake-nails! And besides, Momma, Grammy, and Great Me-ma used THIS toothbrush at THEIR weddings! Wouldn't that, like, be sooo cool?!?!"
desireev 18
And that ^^^, my friends, was the man in my life hacking my phone! A little amusing though, I must say! :)
EvilCupcake8361 9
Well, that's not entirely false. I know a couple of women who went on a diet to fit their wedding dresses better.
moneybagz131 6
Eat a caterpiller
yuggi1 11
:O But then she'll have a butterfly in her tummy... nah, gastric juices would kill the caterpillar so fast it'd get whiplash. Not to mention the normal flora in the stomach, let's just say they don't like to share.
TheFamilyElf 17
Just... What?
Ray_of_midnight 23
I knew an old lady who swallowed a fly.
FlamingTacos 7
Trolled by a grandma
koolkat27 13
*grandpa
DrMime 10
"here comes the bride, pulling close the tide. For tonight love handles pulled so thick the groom shall surely ride."
Awsumuzzie 12
This was so awesome to read, thanks!
choshaki 8
Some people are just ignorant. AND you still got married.
tdawg4200 0
That's not ignorance. Grandpa was pointing out the obvious. Kind of the opposite of ignorance.
m3lyc 18
I'll have to admit, that made me laugh. Sorry for you though, nobody wants to hear that on their wedding day.
calilovesneb 12
Should have starved yourself before the wedding! ;) it's a tradition
Llamacod 11
You have a shitty tradition in your family
desireev 18
Go to comment 13. Then look at comment #122. I believe that my fiancé was making that comment for your post. It, somehow, ended up under 13's post...
desireev 18
What kind of a tradition is that? Starve yourself and make a start to a serious eating disorder all because oooooffff..... WHAT?! you want to look 'skinny' and malnourished in your wedding dress? Or is it the pictures you want to look terribly ill in? Or do you want your husband to say 'Man! My wife looks GOOD! I hope she keeps this up! NO WEDDING CAKE FOR YOU B****!!' What the hell kind of 'tradition' is that?!?! That, seriously, is gut-wrenching and disturbing!
desireev 18
And this is something that EVERY woman needs to hear! You are beautiful! All day! Every day! Even on your wedding day! There is NO need, AT ALL, to starve yourself at any point in your life! You were made the way you are for a reason! DO NOT CHANGE THAT! Do not starve yourself for any reason at all! Find your inner beauty, embrace it with everything you got, and you will be more beautiful than ever on the outside! Women are too strong and beautiful and loving and caring and intelligent to alter theirselves for the image you want others to see! Please... For the love of God, be who YOU are and don't change a damn thing! Once again, you are, entirely, too beautiful to alter yourself for another person! Or even to alter yourself for you! Food is a wonderful thing! And so is life! Don't miss out on either of those things! :)
sugaryspice 5
Thank you for posting that Desiree. :) I have suffered from anorexia for over half my life now and it makes me sad when people treat it like a quick solution to weight loss. Every bride deserves to feel beautiful on their wedding day, and every day.
desireev 18
It, truly, made me smile when you made that comment. I'm glad I could help! Stay beautiful! ;)
calilovesneb 12
Hahahahahaha chill out! Dear goodness it was SARCASM cause it seems like in every movie and ishh people go on some wack "cleansing" diet before their wedding. Don't take FML so seriously :P
rawr_dino_kitty 1
What kind if tradition is that?!? Not to be a ******** but you come from the weirdest family...
ASREAL611 0
wow
MargieDrury 1
Ahhhh those grandfathers.. What would the world do without them.