Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed...

By Anonymous - 25/9/2014 15:52 - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35295

You deserved it

10838

Favorite

Love

Great boyfriend

Vultures

Weird kid

By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 00:29 - Canada

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41742

You deserved it

3441

Favorite

By hangman - 1/8/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss suspended me for laughing too hard at my desk and causing a big scene in front of our customers. I was laughing because he'd forwarded me a hilarious email. He was practically smirking as he handed me my official warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48597

You deserved it

4505

Favorite

By sucks4me - 18/6/2011 04:45 - United States

Today, I got in my sister's car outside the movie theater and started talking about the movie. When I realized she wasn't saying anything, I looked up to see my ex-boyfriend sitting in the drivers seat. I got in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33183

You deserved it

16073

Favorite

By glittercat - 26/1/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32077

You deserved it

3288

Favorite

By quarantine15 - 28/4/2020 14:00

Oh, so sexy

Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1954

You deserved it

564

Favorite

By canessadawn - 17/6/2015 07:42 - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29257

You deserved it

2477

Favorite

By beachbumb8538 - 15/7/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31616

You deserved it

5221

Favorite

By ItchyGirl - 9/10/2016 12:07 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I've got the worst eczema I've had in 25 years. It's spread to the worst possible spot: right where my thighs touch when I walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10707

You deserved it

848

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62862

You deserved it

4446

Favorite

By sickandtiredofit - 24/1/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41124

You deserved it

3064

Favorite

By SierraCheyenne - 30/4/2013 01:57 - United States - Hannibal

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47591

You deserved it

3665

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31656

You deserved it

4667

Favorite

By food critic - 22/12/2016 14:26 - Australia - Ryde

Today, I saw my girlfriend's mother tagged at a restaurant, the same one I had suggested we try earlier in the week. At the time, she quickly shut me down because "that place sounds terrible". I guess she forgot that she finally added me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7634

You deserved it

576

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 17:16 - United States - Surprise

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57028

You deserved it

4272

Favorite

By kanenakid - 27/12/2010 12:40 - United States

Today, I realized the closest person I have to a friend is the debt collector who calls me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32865

You deserved it

6643

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 01:33 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36887

You deserved it

3553

Favorite

By ohjoy - 18/11/2009 07:42 - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11009

You deserved it

34425

Favorite

By friendly_neighbourhood_psycho - 19/8/2011 22:47 - Sweden

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33219

You deserved it

9326

Favorite

By WaltTheFuckDad - 1/9/2013 23:06 - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49226

You deserved it

3578

Favorite

By Coccinelle - 5/2/2016 16:36 - France

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27252

You deserved it

2708

Favorite

By Sleepy - 31/5/2015 15:51 - United States - Apo

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27384

You deserved it

4989

Favorite

By drakx88 - 6/3/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks

132574

You deserved it

6522

Favorite

By Shooting myself - 10/2/2014 18:57 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41206

You deserved it

22054

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 06:06 - Canada - Guelph

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37320

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/9/2018 08:30 - United States - Sewell

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t... FML

I agree, your life sucks

2487

You deserved it

164

Favorite

By Triedtobecool - 6/4/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11899

You deserved it

99285

Favorite

By i tried so hard - 8/1/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21708

You deserved it

2202

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2015 14:58 - United States - Niles

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24774

You deserved it

1675

Favorite

By RENThead - 13/9/2015 19:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down a path in the woods behind my house when I saw a squirrel. It ran away, but little did I know it wasn't running from me, it was running from the dog that had forced Animal Control to sweep the area. I ended up with stitches in my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24729

You deserved it

1578

Favorite

By sopissed - 13/6/2012 18:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29537

You deserved it

3588

Favorite

By disgusted - 23/2/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29344

You deserved it

3643

Favorite

By julia - 1/12/2012 01:02 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42279

You deserved it

3908

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13645

You deserved it

67753

Favorite

By crushed - 29/9/2011 14:32 - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29322

You deserved it

3780

Favorite

By Dopeydancer - 8/9/2009 13:12 - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36096

You deserved it

12992

Favorite

By illenram06 - 11/7/2011 15:37 - Philippines

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48633

You deserved it

6673

Favorite

By Bacon0426 - 4/7/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12648

You deserved it

1086

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/8/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35390

You deserved it

3973

Favorite

By MrZhang - 23/6/2009 03:34 - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39307

You deserved it

26393

Favorite

By unbelievable - 3/6/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend always says she's been at "Alex's house", she hasn't meant the house of her friend Alexis, but rather the house of the man she has been cheating on me with. She literally told me she was cheating on me and still managed to avoid getting caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7069

You deserved it

1391

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cheezter | 15

#6074050 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:07

Best future daughter in law ever

By RageWolf16 | 31

#6074047 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:07

That's incredibly awkward o.o

Comments

By RageWolf16 | 31

#6074047 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:07

That's incredibly awkward o.o

gramirez23 | 9

#6074070 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:15

And incredibly hot

persianjr | 15

#6074170 - Friday 26 September 2014 3:04

Hopefully his dad will have a sense of humor about it!

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#6074218 - Friday 26 September 2014 4:26

Imagine if his dad tells her in private "call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you."

BigLatchZatch | 14

#6074248 - Friday 26 September 2014 5:09

( o ).( o )

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6074253 - Friday 26 September 2014 5:17

Your username fits your comment perfectly.

flutterby789 | 8

#6075299 - Saturday 27 September 2014 15:59

could have been worse, could have been his mother

By colton_colton | 49

#6074049 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:07

Hopefully he wasn't just staring at you

AriettaX | 15

#6074144 - Friday 26 September 2014 2:05

Haha im sure the dad saw 2 sets of wide eyes

redstone7693 | 29

#6075063 - Saturday 27 September 2014 5:56

Were you wearing a shirt or not? That changes everything

By cheezter | 15

#6074050 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:07

Best future daughter in law ever

MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6074114 - Friday 26 September 2014 1:17

Yeah, if my future son will have a girlfriend like this, I'll know I did everything right! Thumbs up!

By goaliestud30 | 23

#6074052 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:08

Ur funny

LittleBells | 17

#6074230 - Friday 26 September 2014 4:37

'Ur not'

By Sudokori | 13

#6074055 - Friday 26 September 2014 0:08

If this happened to me my dad would have gone on a complete rant about how a proper lady should act and how I would never see her again unless she straightened up.