Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
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Top comments
Jimster1712 0
Now you can play a papa roach song! great band!
Grayscale 9
Crush their life in to pieces..
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Comments (85)
lionlvr 9
R.I.P little cockroach.
kreimeier 0
What a "**** muncher".jk Sucks for you
Bluemonster3 26
R.I.P Cockroach
HeyImJuli 3
*in high man voice* "I'm not dead yet!" please tell me SOMEONE gets the reference!
BGoodRBCareful 5
What key was it in?
Naruto11232 0
I'm terrified of cockroaches to the point when I see one I break down crying and shaking too bad my school is infested with them. By law they can't spray and bug killer. fml
annigotammo 1
Mote like eff the cockroachs life... or lack thereof.
101autie 0
It is very hard to smack a cockroach with a broom! I know that from experience.
treboy1992 4
thats gross
madibrielle212 0
I would have thrown up. Discusting!.