Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
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Top comments
Jimster1712 0
Now you can play a papa roach song! great band!
Grayscale 9
Crush their life in to pieces..
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Comments (85)
tayza249 20
Is the guitar really necessary in this story or did you just throw that in to sound cool?
rexgar2000 10
he's just telling a story. was your comment really necessary? I didn't think so.
SirBedevere 0
He's just jelly because he lost his fingers in Nam.
Emmy_The_Great 2
Was your comment really necessary, or did you just post it to sound cool? I'm pretty sure OP added it to explain why he or she rubbed their foot on the carpet to scratch it--because his or her hands were full.
substantialHack 0
It is necessry because if he didn't say it then people would wonder why he didnt rech down and scratch it with his hand.
1958x 6
Ugh that's so nasty. I have such a fear of roaches.
VickLynx 6
Thats gross. :S
IWATCHYOUSLEEP 7
It's better than waking up with a beetle on your face...
PurpleButterflyy 4
la cucaracha la cucaracha ya no puede caminar lalalalala
DocBastard 40
It isn't a good sign that cockroaches are attracted to your feet. For ****'s sake try washing them once in a while. You disgust me.
stoptrying 9
Cockroaches aren't exactly known for being hesitant to go near a human, they basically do what they want. For ****'s sake try using your brain once in a while. You disgust me.
CryMoreFMLs 15
And KaySL strikes again!
auriane_fml 19
@ 51 I'm probably going to get alot of thumbs down for this but i don't care. what you said was uncalled for. You could have said that in a nicer way. How was he supposed to know that docbastard was being sarcastic. It's hard to notice when someone is being sarcastic when the comment is written. Not everyone here knows who docbastard is. I have been visiting this site for a long time and i have never heard of him. What has learning about this site got to do with knowing him. It's not like we can find out about him in the rules etc.
Mr_Darkside 5
Mm... Lunch... P:
vannessa_hearts 5
This happened to me once…except it was in between my toes
333TheSemichrist 0
My worst nightmare D:
THE_A_TEEN 28
I just threw up a bit in my mouth. I hate cockroaches