Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I saw a cockroach on the ceiling. Immediately I got a stick to smack it down. When I hit it, it fell and landed in my mouth. Karma much? FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
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Top comments
Jimster1712 0
Now you can play a papa roach song! great band!
Grayscale 9
Crush their life in to pieces..
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Comments (85)
brooks10101 1
Time to clean up the **** rags and cookies from under the bed u slob ;)
ZaraMarieSwag 0
OMG. EWEWWEWWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW. They are one of my biggest fears.ever.
mynewaccount 8
That's extremely disgusting.
Gemmy_44 7
Wait until his friends come out of hiding. Because where there's one... I'd keep the lights on at night all the time if I were you. And call an exterminator.
cinderella10383 6
Classic that's funny right there, I don't care who you are that's funny!! Your dad sounds cool
leeleethatzme 0
Ewwwwwww thats nasty....i would still be screaming
leadman1989 16
That **** roach had a family. He was only trying to bring home the diseased bacon particles.
OhJohnNo 1
One less cockroach.
Cheesecakee 11
****** sick...
ZmbChick 0
Sick!!