Love: Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came... - FML

By Noname - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21231

You deserved it

122810

Tweet

Share

Mother of the year

You tried

Working from home rules!

By IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo - United States - Beaverton

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four ½ hours of work wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42298

You deserved it

10696

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32372

You deserved it

5459

Tweet

Share

By Penny

Animated movies

Today, at work, I was discussing animated movies with a male senior who's got kids. I was trying to refer to Zootopia but couldn't remember the name. I went, "Zoo, zoo... filia?" Silence. It wasn't until I got home an hour later that I realized what I said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1582

You deserved it

430

Tweet

Share

By buttpain

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9527

You deserved it

823

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11211

You deserved it

93413

Tweet

Share

By Awks - Australia - Bendigo

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27945

You deserved it

6062

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34376

You deserved it

6354

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Athens

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38032

You deserved it

3718

Tweet

Share

By iFail - United States

Today, I waited anxiously until midnight to open my Christmas presents. As the clock struck midnight, I ran out into the living room, super-excited to open them, only to discover that everyone in our house had already opened theirs, and had all gone to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28896

You deserved it

5447

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36601

You deserved it

5945

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29754

You deserved it

75856

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16323

You deserved it

13369

Tweet

Share

By my honest father - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51981

You deserved it

3733

Tweet

Share

By manda8484 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I've been crushing on for a while. When he dropped me off, I said thank you and that we should do it again sometime. He replied, "Yeah, maybe next Halloween." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10682

You deserved it

791

Tweet

Share

By blarp - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39533

You deserved it

2792

Tweet

Share

By Broke - United States

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72155

You deserved it

28626

Tweet

Share

By anonymaiacciu - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47635

You deserved it

8916

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Elmont

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42852

You deserved it

3350

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Carmichael

Smelly Finger Nights

Today, I learned that not only do I have bacterial vaginosis, but I ALSO have gonorrhea from a hookup. The only symptoms I'm having? Anal itching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

582

You deserved it

1000

Tweet

Share

By UniqueKay

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1918

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By momma - Canada - Toronto

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50907

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland - Cork

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38034

You deserved it

60198

Tweet

Share

By verycherryfucked - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47139

You deserved it

3564

Tweet

Share

By Googlebug - United States

Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32101

You deserved it

2530

Tweet

Share

By campmom

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49312

You deserved it

3810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35920

You deserved it

3793

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42372

You deserved it

19547

Tweet

Share

By Me - United States - San Francisco

Today, while bench pressing at the gym, I noticed my spotter had spit hanging from his mouth right above me. When I tried to warn him about it, he ignored me and told me to finish the set. When the drool fell in my mouth, I was startled and dropped the 175 weights and bar on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23988

You deserved it

2140

Tweet

Share

By Daddy - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8384

You deserved it

677

Tweet

Share

By kel - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42888

You deserved it

7447

Tweet

Share

By oh well - United States - Hesperia

Today, my sister in law threatened to call CPS on me because I “starved” her children when they spent the night. I didn’t starve them. I made an actual home cooked meal instead of the microwaveable or fast food crap she constantly feeds them. They chose not to eat and threw tantrums instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2680

You deserved it

170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34000

You deserved it

4637

Tweet

Share

By you ripped them off ages ago - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47962

You deserved it

16245

Tweet

Share

By CM112 - South Africa

OK, now that's gross

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

861

You deserved it

1169

Tweet

Share

By korbo7 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17505

You deserved it

1400

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50336

You deserved it

5994

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36943

You deserved it

3805

Tweet

Share

By Inod - United States

Today, I finally got a Wii Fit to try and lose some weight. I came home and set it all up, only to be told that I weigh too much to actually use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61936

You deserved it

32276

Tweet

Share

By ShayisPay101 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44385

You deserved it

3856

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11002

You deserved it

41907

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Glickstick | 0

#35670 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

Owned. So hard.

By 122vanessa122 | 5

#35671 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

lmao, thats what happens when your a creap.
but...it happens :P
:)

COMMENTS

By Glickstick | 0

#35670 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

Owned. So hard.

Reply

Xuphra | 0

#947657 - Monday 15 March 2010 0:28

I got shy just by reading this... FYL so much.

Reply

MissDuckie | 0

#1922294 - Monday 3 January 2011 2:23

haha, same.

Reply

mystical_child | 6

#5048618 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 13:35

She could have pretended she was taking a selfie to send to her friend to " prove" something... Improvisation time!

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6000812 - Monday 7 July 2014 16:14

The flash wouldn't go off in the back if she was taking a selfie

By 122vanessa122 | 5

#35671 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

lmao, thats what happens when your a creap.
but...it happens :P
:)

Reply

xMooMoox | 0

#541719 - Saturday 5 September 2009 21:47

I once took a picture of this old woman who works at Walgreens. I wanted to send it to my mom since we had a running joke about her. My flash didn't go off or anything so I thought I got away with it. I looked at the picture after leaving and shes looking directing into the camera with a *sigh* "Would you stop" face.

Reply

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6533780 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 23:51

#101 You jackass

By Bubs_fml | 0

#35676 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:08

Nice one.

By PureGold | 0

#35679 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

WOW, smooth. And quite...unintelligent. I must say.
You should have realized the flash would go off, and not tried to take a picture without him knowing, cause that's a bit stalkerish. :P

By Tehalon | 0

#35682 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By linacool15 | 0

#35684 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

ahahahaha that's TOTALLY something i would do.
for that reason, and that reason only, you have my sympathy. not deserved :P

By maremaid | 0

#35687 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

try checking flash first.

Reply

pugpuggy | 21

#6177590 - Monday 19 January 2015 19:45

Good idea. I bet OP would have never thought of that ever since this.

By Gringo_fml | 0

#35690 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:10

Sigh, at least he knows u think he's nice :P

you fail #2.

By xx_hayleyy | 0

#35692 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:10

way to go!

By gross__ | 0

#35693 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:10

Turn the flash off...Easy.