Love: Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came... - FML

By Noname - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

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Sorry…

Lockdown is driving us down

TMI

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

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By ididlookgood - United States

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

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By ChubbyTubby - United States

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to get a haircut. Who shows up not 5 minutes later to also get a haircut? My obnoxious, bully of a boss. She started chatting with me across the salon the entire time. There was no way to get out of the conversation. FML

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By awkwardology - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

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By Mighty Mouse

Today, I found out the coffee mug my housemate uses to thaw dead mice for his snake is the same mug I use for my morning coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 20:00

Double-crossed

Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:02

Mondegreens

Today, I was interviewing a potential candidate for a job opportunity. He started the conversation by saying that he was having a weird day because his friend just got married. To which I responded, “Oh, fun!” He'd actually said that his friend got murdered. FML

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By Fartnonymous - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

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By ihatemyjob

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

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By loner - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

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By Anya - Japan - Fukuoka

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "that's what you get." FML

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By Arniii - United States

Today, it was our class field trip. I got five dollars from ten different people because they wanted me to sit away from them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kingman

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, being too poor to buy makeup, I walked into Macy's and "tested" some products out, just so I could look nice for my job interview. FML

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By ugh - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

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By cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

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By Tokany - Romania

Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, I was convinced I hadn't locked up properly when leaving work, and almost had a panic attack at the train station. I went all the way back into work, to find I had in fact locked up properly. It made me nearly two hours late home. This isn't the first time I've done this. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

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By myasshurts - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

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By whipplewhip - United States

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

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By anotherfmladdict - United States - Muscatine

Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

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By worldsmosthonestdad

Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML

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By deadbeatdad - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Westwood

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

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By ImNotFat - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Cateri

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

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By apple - United States

Today, I had to clean out my room because I was having a sleepover. Only, I've not been in here for months since I've spent every night in my mom's room because I'm too scared to sleep alone. FML

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By PeeLeg

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

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By lbelle - Canada - Montreal

Today, my right ear drum ruptured. My family doesn't understand that I only lost hearing in one ear and continues to talk about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them. FML

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By Miscellaneous - United Kingdom

Today, I went in for an interview with a firm where I'd done some interning before. After shaking hands with both the directors, I went to shake hands with one of the director's wives, who also works there. Turns out she was going for a hug and kiss on the cheek. I ended up kissing her on the lips. FML

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By rosabelle91 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

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By supertango500 - United States

Today, I figured I needed to clean my room. I ended up finding my $135 calculator that I'd accused my ex-boyfriend of selling for gas money. That's also the reason I dumped him. FML

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Top comments

By Glickstick | 0

#35670 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

Owned. So hard.

By 122vanessa122 | 5

#35671 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

lmao, thats what happens when your a creap.
but...it happens :P
:)

COMMENTS

By Glickstick | 0

#35670 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

Owned. So hard.

Reply

Xuphra | 0

#947657 - Monday 15 March 2010 0:28

I got shy just by reading this... FYL so much.

Reply

MissDuckie | 0

#1922294 - Monday 3 January 2011 2:23

haha, same.

Reply

mystical_child | 6

#5048618 - Tuesday 16 October 2012 13:35

She could have pretended she was taking a selfie to send to her friend to " prove" something... Improvisation time!

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6000812 - Monday 7 July 2014 16:14

The flash wouldn't go off in the back if she was taking a selfie

By 122vanessa122 | 5

#35671 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:07

lmao, thats what happens when your a creap.
but...it happens :P
:)

Reply

xMooMoox | 0

#541719 - Saturday 5 September 2009 21:47

I once took a picture of this old woman who works at Walgreens. I wanted to send it to my mom since we had a running joke about her. My flash didn't go off or anything so I thought I got away with it. I looked at the picture after leaving and shes looking directing into the camera with a *sigh* "Would you stop" face.

Reply

NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6533780 - Wednesday 10 February 2016 23:51

#101 You jackass

By Bubs_fml | 0

#35676 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:08

Nice one.

By PureGold | 0

#35679 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

WOW, smooth. And quite...unintelligent. I must say.
You should have realized the flash would go off, and not tried to take a picture without him knowing, cause that's a bit stalkerish. :P

By Tehalon | 0

#35682 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By linacool15 | 0

#35684 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

ahahahaha that's TOTALLY something i would do.
for that reason, and that reason only, you have my sympathy. not deserved :P

By maremaid | 0

#35687 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:09

try checking flash first.

Reply

pugpuggy | 21

#6177590 - Monday 19 January 2015 19:45

Good idea. I bet OP would have never thought of that ever since this.

By Gringo_fml | 0

#35690 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:10

Sigh, at least he knows u think he's nice :P

you fail #2.

By xx_hayleyy | 0

#35692 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:10

way to go!

By gross__ | 0

#35693 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 0:10

Turn the flash off...Easy.