Miscellaneous: Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town,... - FML

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46220

You deserved it

2884

Tweet

Share

The student becomes the master

Didn't think it through

Zeitgeist

By theholt - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30372

You deserved it

6170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

I agree, your life sucks

60730

You deserved it

5008

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 02:01

The mainframe had been haxored

Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML

I agree, your life sucks

750

You deserved it

88

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - China

Today, I woke up to a repairman at my door who was simply supposed to turn my water back on in my apartment. Two hours and 5 repairmen later, all I have now is a large hole in my ceiling. Still no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28716

You deserved it

2355

Tweet

Share

By apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada - Didsbury

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57613

You deserved it

4546

Tweet

Share

By Mom of 3

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping... or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2825

You deserved it

390

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26160

You deserved it

11044

Tweet

Share

By firedlol

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3909

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By wtf did I do - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26262

You deserved it

4422

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24655

You deserved it

3614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39656

You deserved it

4510

Tweet

Share

By Elisa_LmR - France

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46461

You deserved it

8596

Tweet

Share

By John Doe - United States - Columbia

Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31889

You deserved it

2373

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50240

You deserved it

11235

Tweet

Share

By hamburger - United States - Adrian

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61096

You deserved it

8454

Tweet

Share

By notsosmart - Australia

Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37195

You deserved it

4504

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30442

You deserved it

4004

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Unfair

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52219

You deserved it

4842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23530

You deserved it

46122

Tweet

Share

By WTTFFFF - United States - Tecumseh

Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51713

You deserved it

4728

Tweet

Share

By Ovie

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks

450

You deserved it

1646

Tweet

Share

By emopoe - United States

Today, my boyfriend let me know that when we met, he wouldn't have even talked to me if I was as fat as I am now. But lucky for me, he stays with me because, "there's love or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32865

You deserved it

12971

Tweet

Share

By OhCanada

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1500

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By Not That Old - United States

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31018

You deserved it

6655

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10428

You deserved it

56722

Tweet

Share

By lily - 25/6/2020 05:04

Overbearing much?!

Today, while on a road trip, we stopped and went to the bathroom. I didn’t need to go, but my parents told me to "try anyway." I’m 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1216

You deserved it

342

Tweet

Share

By ineedalife - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35428

You deserved it

22363

Tweet

Share

By (-,..,-) - France

Today, I lost out on a job opportunity because the interviewer said my "fake fangs are unprofessional and frankly disturbing". The "fangs" are my real canines, and they have always looked this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26961

You deserved it

1704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46364

You deserved it

3634

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35309

You deserved it

10860

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59389

You deserved it

7346

Tweet

Share

By becca - United States

Today, I spent five minutes waiting by a stop sign. The two cars in front of me were taking a long time to move, so I began beeping and getting angry. Turns out, these cars were parked and I was holding up a line of traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8352

You deserved it

39241

Tweet

Share

By David Wicker - 9/9/2020 08:02

Laughs in socialized healthcare

Today, I sleep on the floor every night because my cat has punctured three air mattresses. I was going to get a real bed with my stimulus check, but I broke my leg and had to pay for the doctor's bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1338

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11254

You deserved it

44924

Tweet

Share

By Mybrotherissatan - United States - Arrington

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20519

You deserved it

1320

Tweet

Share

By lene - United States

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47365

You deserved it

3350

Tweet

Share

By an idiot - Australia

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34909

You deserved it

7781

Tweet

Share

By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11339

You deserved it

3982

Tweet

Share

By worldsbestjobgonebad - Canada

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38934

You deserved it

4121

Tweet

Share

By ohsnap - Australia

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8664

You deserved it

35209

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By g3rusz | 6

#682059 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:15

Take a picture of your friend, show it to your (soon-to-be-ex-)GF and tell her: "Hon, this is a guy I used to know. He has herpes, so warn your friends not to fuck him!" and watch her face. Then dump her, of course!

By Mx_Rider | 6

#682031 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:37

move on find some one better, fuck that slut

:D

COMMENTS

By leoofbodom | 0

#682030 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:35

YES FIRST FUCK YOU ALL

Reply

bonertastic | 0

#682092 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:27

That sounds AwkwardIntercourse.com

Reply

Inked2009 | 0

#682095 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:35

@leoofbodom

No one gives a rats ass

Reply

leoofbodom | 0

#682114 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:06

queer

By Mx_Rider | 6

#682031 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:37

move on find some one better, fuck that slut

:D

Reply

srcnix | 0

#682080 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:04

..

Reply

darrellyswagg | 2

#3589852 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 19:47

Haha his friend already did ;)

By mylifestoryy | 6

#682045 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:59

I would have just tapped her on the shoulder and said like this " I dont want to go out with you anymore" xD

Reply

mylifestoryy | 6

#682056 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:12

Totally replied on the wrong fml..fml D:

Reply

intensitive | 11

#682066 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:38

ahah

By nathannathan | 0

#682058 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:15

5th!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Reply

Megs431 | 6

#2530389 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 21:39

getta life

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#5992112 - Sunday 29 June 2014 16:13

If you look between the brackets you will find the group of people who care.... [ ]

By g3rusz | 6

#682059 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:15

Take a picture of your friend, show it to your (soon-to-be-ex-)GF and tell her: "Hon, this is a guy I used to know. He has herpes, so warn your friends not to fuck him!" and watch her face. Then dump her, of course!

Reply

HumptyHump | 0

#682090 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:25

haha this is classic. You should definitely do something like this.

Reply

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#682101 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:38

Yes for the herpes plan. XD

Reply

oh_dee | 0

#682138 - Saturday 21 November 2009 19:33

excellent!

Reply

Tigg3r | 3

#682307 - Saturday 21 November 2009 23:26

I totally agree with the herpes plan! XD

Reply

SirensMelody | 0

#682603 - Sunday 22 November 2009 2:50

Ahaha, that's a good one.

Reply

Wauw | 0

#2127365 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:57

Haha that's good. She would probably be thinking "shit!" If she really deserved you she wouldn't have done that. The herpes idea is a good one.

By LoveDemon | 19

#682069 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:45

Ha-Ha ... Good thing you found out .

Reply

DaDezza244 | 31

#5182650 - Sunday 25 November 2012 2:41

Dump her cheating ass! You deserve better OP. no one likes sluts or cheaters

By 19fml18 | 0

#682110 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:00

Threesome!!!

Reply

k3500 | 0

#2351814 - Friday 15 April 2011 7:45

with 2 dudes? ew

By CallMeHush | 0

#682122 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:26

Small world eh?

By ILoveMyLifeSoMuc | 0

#682131 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:37

#13 lol

By xomegan95 | 0

#682146 - Saturday 21 November 2009 19:41

THREESOME!!!!!!! hehe

Reply

Preston_Pope | 0

#682656 - Sunday 22 November 2009 3:37

yes completely fake bullshit