Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town,... - FML

By anonymous - 21/11/2009 08:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46190

You deserved it

2860

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Boom, headshot

A beautiful truck decoration

By Alexxicks - 5/3/2020 12:02

So no one told you life was gonna be this way…

Today, I was asked a security question by my bank's app when I tried using it after a year. After two to three wrong attempts, I got it correct with the answer, "Myself." The question was, "Who was your childhood friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1344

You deserved it

238

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/12/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31618

You deserved it

2597

Tweet

Share

By can't shut my mouth - 28/1/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Today, after a string of crappy employees had come and gone over the month, I was joking to my manager that maybe we should move the "Now Hiring" sign further away from the trash can so we'd stop getting garbage hires. The new girl was right behind me. I'll be her trainer all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6170

You deserved it

3490

Tweet

Share

By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10793

You deserved it

757

Tweet

Share

By Malakai - 2/2/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48721

You deserved it

8462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/6/2019 00:15 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2069

You deserved it

205

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/11/2012 18:34 - United States - Erie

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33038

You deserved it

3385

Tweet

Share

By SingleAgain - 3/8/2012 06:22 - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34815

You deserved it

3073

Tweet

Share

By Cococautly - 4/7/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70634

You deserved it

13843

Tweet

Share

By desertpunk75 - 19/1/2011 03:40 - United States

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25752

You deserved it

3149

Tweet

Share

By Deadbed - 4/5/2019 16:00

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1730

You deserved it

576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14576

You deserved it

2220

Tweet

Share

By TrashlifeKaylala - 10/7/2019 00:01

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1688

You deserved it

156

Tweet

Share

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34226

You deserved it

4076

Tweet

Share

By georgia819 - 21/5/2009 08:06 - Australia

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60864

You deserved it

4274

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2019 02:00 - Brazil

Today, I was riding my bike down a hill and noticed a pretty girl sitting at the bus stop. I guess I was staring pretty hard, because the next thing I knew, I was swerving off the road and smashing into a tree. She laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

631

You deserved it

1993

Tweet

Share

By Jograd - 25/9/2012 17:13 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25736

You deserved it

1668

Tweet

Share

By notestojenn - 5/7/2012 02:55 - United States - Manchester

Today, I walked into my roommate's room to ask him a question, only to see a pitcher with over a pint of urine in it sitting on his bookcase. This is at least the fifth conversation in a year I've had with him about not peeing in containers in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23904

You deserved it

2085

Tweet

Share

By rebeccaremily - 4/10/2009 07:03 - Canada

Today, my computer stopped working. Me, the technology challenged one, decided to do a system recovery on it hoping that I could make it better. Turns out, system recovery means deleting all the files off the computer including family photos, music and assignments and starting fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12616

You deserved it

54550

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 11:46 - Denmark

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43254

You deserved it

3566

Tweet

Share

By cole66 - 29/11/2015 18:43 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32323

You deserved it

3126

Tweet

Share

By KindaLooksLikeCocaine - 23/9/2015 23:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22618

You deserved it

1728

Tweet

Share

By DaisyMay - 4/4/2011 19:47 - United States

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37249

You deserved it

5184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2020 09:00

Liar !

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

456

You deserved it

1164

Tweet

Share

By rippedoff - 4/3/2010 14:09 - Australia

Today, I found out that the man who sold me my car 6 months ago lied about it being "recently serviced" and "in excellent condition". It actually hasn't been serviced in years, and fixing all its problems is going to cost me $900 more than what I paid for the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12099

You deserved it

29592

Tweet

Share

By crowded - 20/5/2020 23:00

Crowded House

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his parents' house for the weekend. He didn’t tell me until after we’d arrived that all his siblings and their SO's would also be coming. His parents live in a 2 bedroom, one bath house. So far there are 16 people here and he’s refusing to drive me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1851

You deserved it

261

Tweet

Share

By catsonuincorns - 15/4/2018 06:00 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4404

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By NoSacredSpace - 19/5/2018 05:00

Today, I can finally say there’s no part of my body that hasn’t had a pimple show up. I found a zit on my clit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4821

You deserved it

496

Tweet

Share

By foreverAlone - 4/4/2016 19:40 - United States - Chesapeake Beach

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22282

You deserved it

5103

Tweet

Share

By NotBridezilla - 17/12/2016 16:15 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, after waiting 3 months until my friend's wedding was done being celebrated, I announced my engagement. My newlywed friend bitched me out for "stealing" all of the attention and being selfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9752

You deserved it

780

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2014 15:54 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40947

You deserved it

3610

Tweet

Share

By pookie99 - 17/6/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41579

You deserved it

5534

Tweet

Share

By legitfile.bat.virus.exe - 20/6/2014 23:03 - United States - Placerville

Today, my doctor got my blood test results from the lab. He looked at me gravely and told me I had just weeks left to live. After I started hyperventilating and crying, he burst out laughing and said he was kidding. He then prescribed me some iron tablets and sent me on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56886

You deserved it

6514

Tweet

Share

By Around - 23/5/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33982

You deserved it

14068

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2017 19:34

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3686

You deserved it

406

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/11/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36277

You deserved it

4253

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 07:13 - Denmark

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26840

You deserved it

4075

Tweet

Share

By whale14 - 6/6/2019 16:00

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1789

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By kiki - 5/8/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46231

You deserved it

3866

Tweet

Share

By ottawaaa - 27/1/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37980

You deserved it

10783

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By g3rusz | 6

#682059 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:15

Take a picture of your friend, show it to your (soon-to-be-ex-)GF and tell her: "Hon, this is a guy I used to know. He has herpes, so warn your friends not to fuck him!" and watch her face. Then dump her, of course!

By Mx_Rider | 6

#682031 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:37

move on find some one better, fuck that slut

:D

COMMENTS

By leoofbodom | 0

#682030 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:35

YES FIRST FUCK YOU ALL

Reply

bonertastic | 0

#682092 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:27

That sounds AwkwardIntercourse.com

Reply

Inked2009 | 0

#682095 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:35

@leoofbodom

No one gives a rats ass

Reply

leoofbodom | 0

#682114 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:06

queer

By Mx_Rider | 6

#682031 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:37

move on find some one better, fuck that slut

:D

Reply

srcnix | 0

#682080 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:04

..

Reply

darrellyswagg | 2

#3589852 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 19:47

Haha his friend already did ;)

By mylifestoryy | 6

#682045 - Saturday 21 November 2009 12:59

I would have just tapped her on the shoulder and said like this " I dont want to go out with you anymore" xD

Reply

mylifestoryy | 6

#682056 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:12

Totally replied on the wrong fml..fml D:

Reply

intensitive | 11

#682066 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:38

ahah

By nathannathan | 0

#682058 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:15

5th!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Reply

Megs431 | 6

#2530389 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 21:39

getta life

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#5992112 - Sunday 29 June 2014 16:13

If you look between the brackets you will find the group of people who care.... [ ]

By g3rusz | 6

#682059 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:15

Take a picture of your friend, show it to your (soon-to-be-ex-)GF and tell her: "Hon, this is a guy I used to know. He has herpes, so warn your friends not to fuck him!" and watch her face. Then dump her, of course!

Reply

HumptyHump | 0

#682090 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:25

haha this is classic. You should definitely do something like this.

Reply

Moemoemoe_fml | 0

#682101 - Saturday 21 November 2009 14:38

Yes for the herpes plan. XD

Reply

oh_dee | 0

#682138 - Saturday 21 November 2009 19:33

excellent!

Reply

Tigg3r | 3

#682307 - Saturday 21 November 2009 23:26

I totally agree with the herpes plan! XD

Reply

SirensMelody | 0

#682603 - Sunday 22 November 2009 2:50

Ahaha, that's a good one.

Reply

Wauw | 0

#2127365 - Sunday 27 February 2011 6:57

Haha that's good. She would probably be thinking "shit!" If she really deserved you she wouldn't have done that. The herpes idea is a good one.

By LoveDemon | 19

#682069 - Saturday 21 November 2009 13:45

Ha-Ha ... Good thing you found out .

Reply

DaDezza244 | 31

#5182650 - Sunday 25 November 2012 2:41

Dump her cheating ass! You deserve better OP. no one likes sluts or cheaters

By 19fml18 | 0

#682110 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:00

Threesome!!!

Reply

k3500 | 0

#2351814 - Friday 15 April 2011 7:45

with 2 dudes? ew

By CallMeHush | 0

#682122 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:26

Small world eh?

By ILoveMyLifeSoMuc | 0

#682131 - Saturday 21 November 2009 15:37

#13 lol

By xomegan95 | 0

#682146 - Saturday 21 November 2009 19:41

THREESOME!!!!!!! hehe

Reply

Preston_Pope | 0

#682656 - Sunday 22 November 2009 3:37

yes completely fake bullshit