Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML
Today, I went off-roading with a group of people. I'd been to wearing a $250 hat while my brother was driving at least 60mph in the dirt, it flew off my head. When I returned to go retrieve it, someone had taken it. FML
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML
Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Today, I got rear ended. The guy flashed his lights at me to pull over, so I pulled into the side of the road. He drove away. FML
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Top comments
Jazz_916 9
some people can be real asshats.....
klorehore 24
stole your hat? Where was your helmet?
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Comments (125)
softrally 15
Were there any banks, or any other places that might have had a security camera nearby? Maybe a red light camera? That might help the cops find the asshat. I hope you feel better soon, and find that asshat, OP.
LennyComa 39
Don't know the Law in America but in the UK the "Asshat" is guilty of Hit and Run and Theft and OP is guilty of breaking the Highway Code rule 45. Still no one should expect to be twatted by a Pickup Truck whist cycling, hope they catch the wankwand FYL
Zebediabolical 45
I looked it up to see what exactly you were referring to. And unless 'should' is code for 'must' in British law, there's no requirement to wear a helmet. It says on the gov.uk website that you should wear a helmet, reflective clothing, suitable clothing etc. Then it says at night that you MUST have lights and multiple reflectors. The difference in language tells me that helmets aren't mandatory.
phoneYuNOlisten 16
What a ********. Report him.
thunderniron 22
He needed a souvenir for his trophy wall. :-)
rmoman007 7
Thats a dićk move by the driver of the truck some ppl have no respect
imtooshy 18
Glad you were ok....at least you're fine enough to be posting this fml. I hope you got his plate number?!
Thesmiles 3
I Hope you called the cops, the traffic light might have a camera
Zebediabolical 45
The ECHELON program, FBI's CARNIVORE program and the NSA PRISM program have probably caught multiple references to this douchebag bragging to his friends about his new hat. Just call them and ask for their assistance. See? Big Brother watching you can HELP!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Umm, to say that the guy hopped out of a pickup is probably an apt description. I have seen more than a fair share of men and women both who quite literally hop down from their truck. Vehicle exiting preference seems to be largely decided by height and bounciness of the suspension.
Mabalzeshary 6
Why did younot steal his truck?