Today, I was on my bike. As I'm rolling through an intersection, some asshat in a pickup runs the red light and hits me. Instead of getting out and helping me, the guy hops out, takes a look at me lying in the street, steals my hat and drives off. That was my favorite hat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
Today, I almost got run over on my bike by a truck who raced through a red light. After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down. Instead of apologizing for almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" FML
Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML
Today, I went off-roading with a group of people. I'd been to wearing a $250 hat while my brother was driving at least 60mph in the dirt, it flew off my head. When I returned to go retrieve it, someone had taken it. FML
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML
Today, I watched as a guy hit my car, laugh when he saw me running towards him, and drive away. FML
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Today, I got rear ended. The guy flashed his lights at me to pull over, so I pulled into the side of the road. He drove away. FML
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Top comments
Jazz_916 9
some people can be real asshats.....
klorehore 24
stole your hat? Where was your helmet?
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Comments (125)
Annayers 9
That guy is just lame.
Allennis44 16
Must've been a nice hat...
littlem91 29
The fact you were hit by a car yet finished with a sad comment about your hat is a little amusing in a weird way. Hope you get a new, better hat soon.
worldclassrager 41
Apparently your hat was all he was after...did you get his plate numbers?
crystalnight 19
I bet he plays Team Fortress 2.
WonkeyDonkey 10
We use that terminology in Australia. (Its called Aussie Slang)
Huddisher 10
Screw the hat, be lucky he didn't steal your life from you.
Fas4wd 13
You're really hung up on the hat. You called him an 'asshat'. I've never heard that insult before
hancesolo 7
I don't think I've ever seen the word 'hat' used so much in an FML. Do you sell hats? I kinda want one now.
dunebro 15
I guess he won't be your favourite asshat.