Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML
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Top comments
Tpracingkg 15
Practice makes perfect
spekledworf 18
I hope it wasn't in public. I work at a movie theater and have walked in on worse than handjobs. We don't appreciate it.
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Comments (109)
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
what were you expected without lubrication? I standing ovation? #fail
CharresBarkrey 16
#Thisisnttwitter. #thesedontworkhere
therealafroninga 10
But everyone hashtags random numbers... I don't get it.
therealafroninga 10
Before everyone down votes me to china, I'm joking.
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Uncircumcised males are more than capable of reaching ****** without lube. I've slept with one.
therealafroninga 10
Damn you religion, you took my chance at sex without lube!!!
FiFiLovee 26
Well isn't the excitement of being in public and the chance of being caught what draws couples to become, for a lack of a better phrase, hot and bothered? I mean c'mon, live a little. Don't act like you've never wanted to try it, if not have actually done it before. -.- OP just needs a little practice. :) Which, In my opinion, the BF should have been a little patient, taken her home, and taught her lmao
LuckBeNimble 19
not everyone is an exhibitionist. see #3 and #4.
Spark_Slicker 19
And what about considering the people around you who usually happen to not want to witness people performing sexual acts?
TheDrifter 24
Especially when some Dick fires a wad at the back of their head.
mmaflake 19
What about the people that do want to see this? They're out there.
becka2s 14
Well said! #13
RedPillSucks 33
This definitely spoiled "Muppets From Space" for me.
Iceman225 11
Haha, thedrifter, winning pun.
Lomus 24
That is horrible. Not in public, really. YDI.
Iamevil123 16
I believe there is a button you should be clicking instead of commenting what the button allows you to express.
CharresBarkrey 16
Holy shit, there's a 'This is horrible. Not in public, really' button now?!
Cynical_1 26
He sounds pretty ungrateful! He shouldn't take for granted that he has a girl that will do things like that with him. If I were you I would make him work a little harder for your attention. Maybe then he will appreciate it more. I'd probably also make an off-hand comment about needing to use his own hand more often if he doesn't.
stoych 19
Everyone's gotta learn! Perhaps you should remind him of this and also that your next boyfriend might be a little more compensating and show you how it's done without being a total twat about it....
Enslaved 38
Should have added some of that butter from the popcorn!
gordogirls 4
Hahahaha!
avapaige1234 19
I've had it worse, though. My bf just laughed at me while I was at an attempt to give him a ********. Still, FYL
perdix 31
I still don't get the point of the hand job. If the movie is so boring that he needs that for entertainment, you might as well blow off the next few minutes of the show and suck him off. Who picked the shitty movie anyways?
Enslaved 38
Ha! Sounds like you would purposely choose this week's Rotten Tomato pick, in hopes of that treat. You can lure her in with promises of ju-ju beans!
Pleonasm 36
That's an expensive way to go about getting ********, Enslaved!
Enslaved 38
You're right, Pleonasm! If you think those ticket prices will rape you, just wait 'til you get to the concession stand! :P
perdix 31
I dunno. If I got jerked around by the movie studio with a trailer that showed the only good 30 seconds of the movie, I don't think I'd be in the mood to get jerked around literally. On the other hand, if the movies sucks, . . .
RedPillSucks 33
on the other hand? sucks? Make up your mind. You want two hand job or the happy ending?
therealafroninga 10
Or, if the movie really sucks, she could perform the rusty trombone, but that would require the removal of his pants.
martin_martian7 11
They were probably watching Twilight.
charlotte69er 7
I recommend YouTube tutorials