Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment. He started coming on to me so I pushed him away and said, "No chance." He said "Well, I'm horny, so I'm gonna take care of it myself. Can you go home now?" FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. While he was driving, I held out my hand as an offer for him to hold it. Instead, he grabs me by the wrist and shoves my hand down his pants. Lovely. FML
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Top comments
Tpracingkg 15
Practice makes perfect
spekledworf 18
I hope it wasn't in public. I work at a movie theater and have walked in on worse than handjobs. We don't appreciate it.
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Comments (109)
rott3n 6
Know one drives the bus like the bus driver
oped01 8
Now I know why the movie theater floor is sticky. I thought it was soda.
nickyp30 8
It's pointless trying to do something to a man that he has perfected since age 14
johnkocache 2
break up with him...you need more practice.
Ricin 9
God damn. So did he actually finish himself off?
amisenho 11
Wow. Ungrateful, isn't he? He asks you, and he just pouts like a kid when it's not exactly like he wants it. Let me guess; he complains when the ketchup is above instead of under the cheese on his burgers, eh? Oh, well. You get an 'A' for effort, but practice makes all the difference.
maroongrad 13
YDI for expecting tact, class, or consideration from someone wanting a handjob in a movie theater.