Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up.... - FML

04/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 866

You deserved it 6 615

Sorry…

Late term

Compromises

23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 4 141

Too dry

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 20:00

Today, I spent the evening with my new wife at the doctor’s because she thought she had a UTI. The doctor sent the nurse to talk to us because he was too embarrassed to tell us that we just needed to use more lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 374

28/09/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 708

You deserved it 21 980

04/05/2016 17:30 - United States

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 733

You deserved it 1 093

18/09/2010 02:34 - United States

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 462

You deserved it 9 504

07/09/2011 15:11 - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 190

You deserved it 2 307

05/05/2014 21:03 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 119

You deserved it 18 309

03/03/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 148

You deserved it 2 507

His type

By hannieannie - 12/07/2020 02:02

Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 159

10/06/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 907

You deserved it 5 223

02/08/2009 13:40 - Australia

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 387

You deserved it 12 430

27/03/2019 22:00

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 123

20/10/2018 13:30

Today, my first day at my new job, a guy decided to pay all his parking fines in one go. All £2300 of them. Yes, he did decide to pay it in pennies. Wheelbarrows and buckets full of pennies. That's 230,000 pennies. Guess whose job it was to count them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 256

You deserved it 357

28/06/2014 20:40 - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 052

You deserved it 4 595

10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 080

You deserved it 3 633

Yelp

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 13:00

Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 107

02/11/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 296

You deserved it 6 932

07/09/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 894

You deserved it 5 440

20/09/2013 21:00 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 673

You deserved it 3 968

11/12/2009 07:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 098

You deserved it 8 459

24/01/2011 19:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 584

You deserved it 4 795

18/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418

You deserved it 342

14/06/2014 03:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 419

You deserved it 4 947

18/08/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 380

You deserved it 81 511

20/09/2016 22:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 358

You deserved it 12 178

04/02/2010 07:22 - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 710

You deserved it 31 461

"Eruption" by Van Halen time

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 16:01

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 326

06/11/2013 16:33 - United States - Dallas

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 956

You deserved it 3 338

02/03/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 3 232

Hello little dude

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 22:54 - United States

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 499

You deserved it 2 851

22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 011

You deserved it 11 633

13/11/2015 13:34

Today, I was reading comments on an FML, and saw some made from my girlfriend's account. Now I know she's one of those people who say "Dump him!" even when the situation clearly doesn't warrant dumping. Looks like I might be in for a sudden breakup in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 537

You deserved it 2 645

Assumptions

By Wathaveidone - 12/07/2021 02:01

Today, I saw a sketchy looking person frustratingly trying to open a BMW in the parking lot where I work. I ran outside to confront him and call the cops. Turns out, not only was he the owner of that vehicle, but he was one of our company’s biggest donors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 1 169

19/08/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I found out on facebook that my supposed best friend bought a concert ticket to a show. The concert ticket was the exact same amount as the plane ticket she told me she couldn't afford to come see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 686

You deserved it 6 385

18/04/2012 06:57 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 2 876

18/11/2010 08:37 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 2 667

22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 247

You deserved it 6 456

14/09/2009 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 958

You deserved it 3 699

17/02/2015 18:23 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, a homeless guy told me I looked like shit and to have some self-respect. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 545

You deserved it 4 608

31/08/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 397

You deserved it 2 727

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:18

aw... :D how is this a FYL? that's so sweet of him to do that for you :) whether or not he threw up in your hair. you two can take a shower together to wash off ;)

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:10

ahahahahahahahah

Comments

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:10

ahahahahahahahah

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 0:05

I was gonna say that :D This is hilarious!

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 0:16

No need for this FML, seriously.

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Tuesday 4 May 2010 7:08

ew thats gross as fuck

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:12

almost 1st, but you really deserve it.

Roseicat 16

Monday 4 January 2010 23:12

yummy?

musicislife1995_fml 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:14

actually LOL'ing

RachelBerry_fml 5

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Friday 5 November 2010 18:28

i am 2 it reminds me of tht family guy episode

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Tuesday 19 April 2011 11:31

lol i love family guy!! ftw

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:18

ewwwww, fyl :/

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:18

aw... :D how is this a FYL? that's so sweet of him to do that for you :) whether or not he threw up in your hair. you two can take a shower together to wash off ;)

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 0:19

Isnt a rule of thumb that if you puke at a party, your not gonna get any.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 0:55

That may be true but they both did so it kinda equals out the grossness? I second that idea #7 ;)

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Tuesday 5 January 2010 3:11

Equals out the grossness, yes, but thats taking the crossing line of kinky and doing a cartwheel over it. lol

DBkkk 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:18

Well at least u know what he ate

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:18

That made me gag. Just wondering was this on New Years and they just now posted it?

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Friday 22 January 2010 2:28

It takes a bit for these to get moderatedd

iRuth 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:28

Ewww. You should have just tied it back.

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Thursday 8 September 2011 0:44

can you tie hair and puke at the same time?

ogloc 0

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Monday 4 January 2010 23:30

Ok, that IS messed up. However, it seems like this site is now all about girlfriends whining about their boyfriends, or vice versa.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 38

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 105