Love: Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to...

By a_B_c_D_e_F_g - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

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Love

Family values

Out of it

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

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By Forgotten

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

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By blind - South Africa

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Asheboro

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

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By NotAnInLawFamilyMan - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother-in-maw informed us that she sold her house and is moving in with us so we'll "take care" of her in old age. She's in perfect health. We've only been married for 4 months. My wife can't stand her for more than 2 weeks at a time, let alone living with us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orange Park

Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML

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By pugs - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

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By Snails

Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

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By FMBs - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Don't listen to Cosmo

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

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By ForeverYoung

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I returned home from my honeymoon and met my dad for coffee. He told me he's been seeing someone and he's so happy. It's my new mother-in-law. They moved in together during my wedding weekend. FML

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By running scared - Norway

Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You are such a cute couple!" FML

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By help me - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have watched the Elmo's World episode featuring balls ten times in a row. The toddler I'm watching screams if I put on something different. His mom just said she was stuck in traffic. She should be back in about five and a half more replays. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

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By blah - United States

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

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By roobb - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

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By KalaKa - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

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By TLT - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

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By ENDmySUFFERING - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

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By GoAggies - United States - Herriman

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

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By Dsark - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

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By WayTooMuchFacebook - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

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By beleria - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

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By no booze blues - 21/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Sweet dude

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

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By whatdidimarry - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

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By erpuchi - Dominican Republic

Today, my girlfriend got a great idea for her history class project... while we were having sex. FML

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By Odds in my favour

Today, I put out a public ad for a dancing buddy. No pictures, just a brief description of what I was looking for. A guy answered and we started chatting. The more he revealed, the more familiar he sounded. Yep! That's him! My stalker from 10 years ago. Guess I have to move. FML

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By Paige - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

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By dont_shit_where_i_eat

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 08:02

Proud boy

Today, I went on a Tinder date. He seemed pretty normal. Very handsome, and a complete gentleman. Turned out he's a white supremacist. FML

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By 14YearOld - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

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39787

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2020 20:00

"Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger…"

Today, my wife wants a divorce. Apparently, she only married me for my potential, since my twin brother is a lawyer, she hoped I’d become a success as well, but since I’m content to be a carpenter, she considers me a disappointment and a failure. FML

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By dream_girl_3 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

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By welp24

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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Top comments

By gatorsxrule | 0

#347372 - Saturday 27 June 2009 22:59

lol I can see myself doin that

By slack3r9 | 0

#347380 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

what can you say? bacon is just THAT good

COMMENTS

By gatorsxrule | 0

#347372 - Saturday 27 June 2009 22:59

lol I can see myself doin that

iamjtsocool | 0

#347415 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:13

Women just don't understand. I'd do the same thing.. bacon, beer, cars, women are things we need to make a great day.

Naheelawhatwhat | 0

#347497 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:47

Big deal. get over yourself

iKaite | 0

#347665 - Sunday 28 June 2009 1:04

I just fell out of my chair from Lol'ing so much.

AMMM | 0

#347802 - Sunday 28 June 2009 2:14

Yeeaah... It's a guy thing. I'm a girl and I get that. What do you expect? It's not FML.

KrAzEdMaNiAc | 0

#348143 - Sunday 28 June 2009 5:25

DAMN RIGHT! HAVE YOU EVER TRIED BACON LADY?! BACON DON'T COMPLAIN.

Briannaaa | 0

#349660 - Sunday 28 June 2009 20:45

LMFAO, You Should've Been Like "Baby you can wrap ME in Bacon :) "

xero_art | 0

#349777 - Sunday 28 June 2009 21:10

you should have felt happy that he was allowing you to kiss him when he obv had more important things to do...looks like you've got a keeper there

TysonFawlay | 0

#350047 - Sunday 28 June 2009 22:17

Tbh I'm not sure I would want to wrap her in bacon. There is situations where bacon DOESN'T fit, as well. :|

gothymama | 0

#351611 - Monday 29 June 2009 6:55

LOL, that's what I would've said!!!

originalkermit | 0

#358693 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:45

I know... seriously. This should be an epic win!!

nuccalo | 0

#857011 - Monday 15 February 2010 5:40

ha ur bf FTW

swaggintothamax | 0

#2198790 - Friday 18 March 2011 7:39

name 3

anon2468 | 0

#2784168 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 9:28

sounds like my boyfriend.. lol. he wouldn't interrupt somethin like that with bacon though.

By liekWTFmang | 0

#347373 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:00

ROFL that sucks for you :/

Ilovelife07 | 0

#347520 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:02

mmmm bacon

http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/bacon-dispenser.jpg

smirnoff1695 | 0

#3180371 - Friday 26 August 2011 2:57

Yumm!! Check out epic meal time, they have the greatest ideas

By MamaCita1633 | 0

#347378 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

That sucks, maybe he was just bored o_o

lovexcheer33 | 0

#347736 - Sunday 28 June 2009 1:43

agreed.

By slack3r9 | 0

#347380 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

what can you say? bacon is just THAT good

MattM95 | 16

#5952270 - Wednesday 21 May 2014 16:11

I agree #4. Bacon is pretty dam delicious, I swear it's addictive.

By cherlana32 | 0

#347381 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:03

Bacon is one of the greatest things in the world, so I really can't blame him. :)

dowhatiwant | 0

#347887 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:00

agreed

bezach | 0

#971747 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 7:16

god made bacon to make up for ugly women.

By Cormophyte | 0

#347383 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:04

The real FML would be if he failed to find anything to wrap with bacon. Bacon should be a food group :(

By murderoticadam | 0

#347384 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:04

Lmao, nice.

DangerousBabee | 0

#347657 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:59

He might wanna wrap YOU in bacon
Mmmm C[=

TheUnnamedOne | 0

#349020 - Sunday 28 June 2009 15:27

Lmao!!

By Syn_fml | 0

#347390 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:05

Mmm....bacon.

By Javokdin | 0

#347391 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:05

YDI for thinking you're better than bacon.

SP63_fml | 0

#347443 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:21

I concur.

katelynmarie | 0

#347536 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:09

Lmao, number 10 owns. =]

Yagamiii | 0

#348769 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:16

LMFAO you rule #10 :')))

swaggintothamax | 0

#2198795 - Friday 18 March 2011 7:41

the magical animal that provides us with pork chops, bacon, and sausage mmmmmmm

By yuZj | 0

#347393 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:06

u got yourself a good man.
bacon recipes? oh man, dont ever let him go.