Love: Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to...

By a_B_c_D_e_F_g - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

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Love

Sorry…

This Charming Man

One law for me…

By damnit. - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was training a new girl at work. We're always told to find "common interests" with the people we are training to make it less awkward for them. Little did I know that our "common interest" would turn out to be my boyfriend. FML

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By fmyjob - United States

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

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By smiles22 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

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35588

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By Anon. - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

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By Anonymous

No feeling - Just conversation

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

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By I Know How to Pick'em - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2020 05:01

Move it, now!

Today, I had just gotten out of the bath when a police officer knocked on my door. I answered in my towel, and he told me I had to leave due to a bomb scare. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Hedging your bets

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML

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By mississpissi - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

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By Thatgirl

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 14:01

Out of the frying pan…

Today, I thought I finally had a decent boyfriend. He didn’t seem like an emotionally unavailable alcoholic like my past boyfriends. Then I found out he’s an unemployed Trump supporter. FML

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By Jocelyn - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

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By RahiYeah09 - United States

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

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Today, the last parking space outside my work was tiny but I tried to parallel park there in desperation. A school kid saw the whole attempt and sarcastically clapped me as I gave up and drove away. FML

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By hard work doesn't work - United States - Irving

Too good

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I'm too good to be promoted. FML

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By no one - United States - Dallas

Today, my house caught on fire. The firefighters said that it was caused by a lit cigarette on the carpet. I don't smoke, but apparently my 13 year-old son does. FML

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By richgirl - United States

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

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28046

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By Anonymous - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

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By shouldabeenapornstar - United States

Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

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By stalked - United States - Bel Air

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

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By Marea90h - 25/11/2020 16:58

Money management

Today, my fiancé finally was able secure a PS5, which I told him I'd get for Christmas. Due to high demand, I didn't think he'd be able to get it till next week or so. He bought it last night while I was sleeping. I have to pay my car insurance tomorrow. FML

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By driver - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a longhaul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose. 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response: "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

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By iloveyoutoomom - France

Today, my mom had an appointment with my teacher after class. She never showed. My teacher ended up driving me home. FML

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By [email protected] - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

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By no selfie for me - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

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By chrisinator - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

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By Zekrome - Canada - Markham

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

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By Ms.rain

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when he told me he's been fucking my bestfriend for the last year, he could use something against me... FML

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4196

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By filipkm - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

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14353

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

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By Nofun - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML

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Top comments

By gatorsxrule | 0

#347372 - Saturday 27 June 2009 22:59

lol I can see myself doin that

By slack3r9 | 0

#347380 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

what can you say? bacon is just THAT good

COMMENTS

By gatorsxrule | 0

#347372 - Saturday 27 June 2009 22:59

lol I can see myself doin that

iamjtsocool | 0

#347415 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:13

Women just don't understand. I'd do the same thing.. bacon, beer, cars, women are things we need to make a great day.

Naheelawhatwhat | 0

#347497 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:47

Big deal. get over yourself

iKaite | 0

#347665 - Sunday 28 June 2009 1:04

I just fell out of my chair from Lol'ing so much.

AMMM | 0

#347802 - Sunday 28 June 2009 2:14

Yeeaah... It's a guy thing. I'm a girl and I get that. What do you expect? It's not FML.

KrAzEdMaNiAc | 0

#348143 - Sunday 28 June 2009 5:25

DAMN RIGHT! HAVE YOU EVER TRIED BACON LADY?! BACON DON'T COMPLAIN.

Briannaaa | 0

#349660 - Sunday 28 June 2009 20:45

LMFAO, You Should've Been Like "Baby you can wrap ME in Bacon :) "

xero_art | 0

#349777 - Sunday 28 June 2009 21:10

you should have felt happy that he was allowing you to kiss him when he obv had more important things to do...looks like you've got a keeper there

TysonFawlay | 0

#350047 - Sunday 28 June 2009 22:17

Tbh I'm not sure I would want to wrap her in bacon. There is situations where bacon DOESN'T fit, as well. :|

gothymama | 0

#351611 - Monday 29 June 2009 6:55

LOL, that's what I would've said!!!

originalkermit | 0

#358693 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:45

I know... seriously. This should be an epic win!!

nuccalo | 0

#857011 - Monday 15 February 2010 5:40

ha ur bf FTW

swaggintothamax | 0

#2198790 - Friday 18 March 2011 7:39

name 3

anon2468 | 0

#2784168 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 9:28

sounds like my boyfriend.. lol. he wouldn't interrupt somethin like that with bacon though.

By liekWTFmang | 0

#347373 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:00

ROFL that sucks for you :/

Ilovelife07 | 0

#347520 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:02

mmmm bacon

http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/bacon-dispenser.jpg

smirnoff1695 | 0

#3180371 - Friday 26 August 2011 2:57

Yumm!! Check out epic meal time, they have the greatest ideas

By MamaCita1633 | 0

#347378 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

That sucks, maybe he was just bored o_o

lovexcheer33 | 0

#347736 - Sunday 28 June 2009 1:43

agreed.

By slack3r9 | 0

#347380 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

what can you say? bacon is just THAT good

MattM95 | 16

#5952270 - Wednesday 21 May 2014 16:11

I agree #4. Bacon is pretty dam delicious, I swear it's addictive.

By cherlana32 | 0

#347381 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:03

Bacon is one of the greatest things in the world, so I really can't blame him. :)

dowhatiwant | 0

#347887 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:00

agreed

bezach | 0

#971747 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 7:16

god made bacon to make up for ugly women.

By Cormophyte | 0

#347383 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:04

The real FML would be if he failed to find anything to wrap with bacon. Bacon should be a food group :(

By murderoticadam | 0

#347384 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:04

Lmao, nice.

DangerousBabee | 0

#347657 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:59

He might wanna wrap YOU in bacon
Mmmm C[=

TheUnnamedOne | 0

#349020 - Sunday 28 June 2009 15:27

Lmao!!

By Syn_fml | 0

#347390 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:05

Mmm....bacon.

By Javokdin | 0

#347391 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:05

YDI for thinking you're better than bacon.

SP63_fml | 0

#347443 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:21

I concur.

katelynmarie | 0

#347536 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:09

Lmao, number 10 owns. =]

Yagamiii | 0

#348769 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:16

LMFAO you rule #10 :')))

swaggintothamax | 0

#2198795 - Friday 18 March 2011 7:41

the magical animal that provides us with pork chops, bacon, and sausage mmmmmmm

By yuZj | 0

#347393 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:06

u got yourself a good man.
bacon recipes? oh man, dont ever let him go.