Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to...

By a_B_c_D_e_F_g - 27/6/2009 14:29 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61979

You deserved it

7567

Favorite

Love

Season finale

Higher standards

Healthy relationship

By Anonymous - 18/8/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30440

You deserved it

3237

Favorite

By the attention seeker - 17/4/2013 21:57 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42810

You deserved it

4291

Favorite

By Queen_Dread - 4/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Ocean Park

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22493

You deserved it

1984

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32141

You deserved it

3228

Favorite

By AwesomePGnarles - 13/2/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14650

You deserved it

44370

Favorite

By StijnDescamps - 13/8/2019 16:00

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

702

You deserved it

1861

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/5/2018 15:00

The Spectacular Spider-Thief

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3751

You deserved it

466

Favorite

By jobless - 30/4/2012 13:28 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during a job interview as it was taking place over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9669

You deserved it

30118

Favorite

By Rowaelin16 - 23/8/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18785

You deserved it

1449

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/1/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29524

You deserved it

4664

Favorite

By absense - 16/3/2016 07:43 - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to work from a week-long sickness, I sent out an apologetic email to all of my clients to explain my lack of communication due to absence. I realised afterwards I had put the subject line as 'Absense'. And sent it to all of my clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13480

You deserved it

3892

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27344

You deserved it

3582

Favorite

By KTBeck - 26/5/2020 14:00

Three is the magic number

Today, my husband returned from a hiking trip. We had "I missed you" sex and after we were done, he told me about all the ticks he had while on the trail. He then went to shower and while washing, he found a tick latched to his penis. I technically had a three way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1940

You deserved it

264

Favorite

By krabby patty - 25/5/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5297

You deserved it

1528

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 20:49 - United States

Today, my family and I went Christmas tree shopping. My husband and I were walking around when I saw the perfect tree. Excited, we immediately bought it. When we got home and set it up, I realized it came with a present: termites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33205

You deserved it

5014

Favorite

By rosemary - 11/5/2017 18:00

Today, we paid to park in a lot in the city. Hours later, we returned to find our car booted. Apparently the guy that took our money didn't work there. We're stuck three states away from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3177

You deserved it

384

Favorite

By sdk2010 - 6/3/2012 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brew master at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36329

You deserved it

2248

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/6/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49548

You deserved it

3938

Favorite

By please knock - 13/9/2016 23:26 - United States - Needham

Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11358

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1145

Favorite

By ILoveLamps - 25/3/2015 06:26 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31123

You deserved it

2852

Favorite

By stressedoutsquaddie - 22/3/2016 21:02 - United Kingdom - York

Today, while away on training with the army, my housemates rang me to tell me some news. They had found a perfect house for next year and they had put an offer on it. The only problem? There are 5 of us and the house is for 4. Guess who hasn't been included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19611

You deserved it

1282

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2015 22:50 - United States - Howell

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26738

You deserved it

1778

Favorite

By thankzbabe - 4/1/2012 12:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36040

You deserved it

5523

Favorite

By nooo - 5/2/2015 00:00 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I got a wedgie after a workout class. As I was walking, I used my gym bag to discreetly unwedgie it, and then turned around to check that no one was there. The cute guy that I had a crush on last year was right behind me, and by the look on his face, it wasn't discreet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31208

You deserved it

6118

Favorite

By obnum - 18/4/2013 14:37 - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58676

You deserved it

9209

Favorite

By robthebuilder - 26/10/2010 06:35 - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27686

You deserved it

2451

Favorite

By morethanablondemoment - 28/8/2015 04:40 - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24277

You deserved it

4306

Favorite

By abonde29 - 24/5/2018 20:30

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4163

You deserved it

527

Favorite

By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1661

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By ThisGuy97 - 12/8/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14863

You deserved it

32192

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, I found out my 97-year-old Grandma has an imaginary 30-year-old boyfriend. I laughed until my mom said, "She's still doing better than you. You don't even have an imaginary boyfriend, let alone a real one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32063

You deserved it

9992

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/8/2013 20:37 - United States - North Bend

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52424

You deserved it

2852

Favorite

By Abendigo77 - 14/1/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39397

You deserved it

6806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Second class citizen

Today, I got told I am not a good fit for a company because I'm disabled. But that's OK, I can volunteer for the same role, as I don't really need to work anyway, because I'm disabled apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1430

You deserved it

Favorite

By coffee - 7/3/2013 13:44 - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13009

You deserved it

36956

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/5/2013 00:50 - United States - Acworth

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks

66820

You deserved it

10053

Favorite

By Sherressa - 2/12/2013 20:04 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39539

You deserved it

27955

Favorite

By Arrgh - 27/5/2009 07:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9908

You deserved it

79757

Favorite

By leapple - 14/3/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9685

You deserved it

37105

Favorite

By dxl - 18/2/2009 08:55 - United States

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you ok? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36194

You deserved it

5450

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By gatorsxrule | 0

#347372 - Saturday 27 June 2009 22:59

lol I can see myself doin that

By slack3r9 | 0

#347380 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

what can you say? bacon is just THAT good

COMMENTS

By gatorsxrule | 0

#347372 - Saturday 27 June 2009 22:59

lol I can see myself doin that

iamjtsocool | 0

#347415 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:13

Women just don't understand. I'd do the same thing.. bacon, beer, cars, women are things we need to make a great day.

Naheelawhatwhat | 0

#347497 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:47

Big deal. get over yourself

iKaite | 0

#347665 - Sunday 28 June 2009 1:04

I just fell out of my chair from Lol'ing so much.

AMMM | 0

#347802 - Sunday 28 June 2009 2:14

Yeeaah... It's a guy thing. I'm a girl and I get that. What do you expect? It's not FML.

KrAzEdMaNiAc | 0

#348143 - Sunday 28 June 2009 5:25

DAMN RIGHT! HAVE YOU EVER TRIED BACON LADY?! BACON DON'T COMPLAIN.

Briannaaa | 0

#349660 - Sunday 28 June 2009 20:45

LMFAO, You Should've Been Like "Baby you can wrap ME in Bacon :) "

xero_art | 0

#349777 - Sunday 28 June 2009 21:10

you should have felt happy that he was allowing you to kiss him when he obv had more important things to do...looks like you've got a keeper there

TysonFawlay | 0

#350047 - Sunday 28 June 2009 22:17

Tbh I'm not sure I would want to wrap her in bacon. There is situations where bacon DOESN'T fit, as well. :|

gothymama | 0

#351611 - Monday 29 June 2009 6:55

LOL, that's what I would've said!!!

originalkermit | 0

#358693 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:45

I know... seriously. This should be an epic win!!

nuccalo | 0

#857011 - Monday 15 February 2010 5:40

ha ur bf FTW

swaggintothamax | 0

#2198790 - Friday 18 March 2011 7:39

name 3

anon2468 | 0

#2784168 - Wednesday 29 June 2011 9:28

sounds like my boyfriend.. lol. he wouldn't interrupt somethin like that with bacon though.

By liekWTFmang | 0

#347373 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:00

ROFL that sucks for you :/

Ilovelife07 | 0

#347520 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:02

mmmm bacon

http://www.saynotocrack.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/bacon-dispenser.jpg

smirnoff1695 | 0

#3180371 - Friday 26 August 2011 2:57

Yumm!! Check out epic meal time, they have the greatest ideas

By MamaCita1633 | 0

#347378 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

That sucks, maybe he was just bored o_o

lovexcheer33 | 0

#347736 - Sunday 28 June 2009 1:43

agreed.

By slack3r9 | 0

#347380 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:02

what can you say? bacon is just THAT good

MattM95 | 16

#5952270 - Wednesday 21 May 2014 16:11

I agree #4. Bacon is pretty dam delicious, I swear it's addictive.

By cherlana32 | 0

#347381 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:03

Bacon is one of the greatest things in the world, so I really can't blame him. :)

dowhatiwant | 0

#347887 - Sunday 28 June 2009 3:00

agreed

bezach | 0

#971747 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 7:16

god made bacon to make up for ugly women.

By Cormophyte | 0

#347383 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:04

The real FML would be if he failed to find anything to wrap with bacon. Bacon should be a food group :(

By murderoticadam | 0

#347384 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:04

Lmao, nice.

DangerousBabee | 0

#347657 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:59

He might wanna wrap YOU in bacon
Mmmm C[=

TheUnnamedOne | 0

#349020 - Sunday 28 June 2009 15:27

Lmao!!

By Syn_fml | 0

#347390 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:05

Mmm....bacon.

By Javokdin | 0

#347391 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:05

YDI for thinking you're better than bacon.

SP63_fml | 0

#347443 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:21

I concur.

katelynmarie | 0

#347536 - Sunday 28 June 2009 0:09

Lmao, number 10 owns. =]

Yagamiii | 0

#348769 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:16

LMFAO you rule #10 :')))

swaggintothamax | 0

#2198795 - Friday 18 March 2011 7:41

the magical animal that provides us with pork chops, bacon, and sausage mmmmmmm

By yuZj | 0

#347393 - Saturday 27 June 2009 23:06

u got yourself a good man.
bacon recipes? oh man, dont ever let him go.