Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I pretended to not be able to go out with a friend so I could hang with my boyfriend at the movies. When I sat down, I received a text that said, "Turn around." It was her. FML
Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML
Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to wish my boyfriend a happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after I'd sent it, I realized that the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML
Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML
Today, I made up a lie to my girlfriend so I could go to a club with my friends. My girlfriend told me that she was going to stay in and watch a movie. Guess who I shockingly ran into at the club, with her girlfriends? FML
Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML
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Top comments
SEXMUFFIN21 0
who watches a cell phone? you need to get laid
jennaleighhh 0
...watching a cellphone? if that isn't the weirdest hobby i've ever heard...
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Comments (151)
straymondar 10
OP, please respond, but what is your job???
dharmaint 15
Either he lied to them or Australia has no crime
embarass 14
Be happy that he cares for you And you're probably really reliable and always on time so this one time probably made him think the worst.
biftek_fml 2
I call crap on this , have a hard enough time getting the cops in for crimes , but they got their because your alarm didn't go off , spinning a yarn there
trucker2 33
You must be pretty important at work, to have such alarming wake up call, not many can compare notes on that one
writergirl1029 17
It could have been a welfare check. One of my mom's employees (she's a nurse) show up four hours into her shift or call, so they sent the police out to make sure they weren't dead.
rameses1210 18
Quick question, but why'd you specify Australian? Did you mean the AFP versus the Queensland state police?
mwali02 32
No kidding! OPs attendance record must be stellar! :)
mwali02 32
No kidding! OPs attendance record must truly be stellar to warrant such a reaction! :)
HappyItalian 38
I don't know why the first thing I thought of when I read "Australian police" was Mad Max