Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I kissed my husband and said, "I love you." That's when our 5 year-old son said to my husband, "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
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Top comments
JMichael 26
Kids say the darnedest things.
DocBastard 40
This is exactly why I started a diary when my daughter was born. I write down the funny things she and her brother say, and I fully intend to use them to my full advantage at their respective weddings.
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Comments (109)
SininenAave 9
Haha that is adorable! Tell him it runs in the family :)
Curlytwirly22 17
That is the worst FML I've heard so far I mean your life sucks the most I am so sorry that your son said that to you but that's what I was talking about kids and old people get away with everything !!!
blackychan63 12
daaannng.. :o
thenewgirl29 20
Aww today my son refused to talk to his dad who was away at camp on the phone because "daddy is boring." Kids just say stuff without a filter.
hobojo69 23
Damn why'd he say that? And what did you say to that?
worldclassrager 41
He didn't mean it...at least I hope so...
chaosincarnate 8
"Because Daddy has to pay the bills somehow and those dicks won't suck themselves."
Shiiya 14
And the best father award goes too *drum roll*....
Edumcg 24
Don't worry OP I'm sure he was refering to chess.... you know? "Why do you suck so much ....at chess?" he must fell asleep and you didn't notice :D
steve31789 8
When I was a young boy,my father took me into the City, to see a marching band