Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I kissed my husband and said, "I love you." That's when our 5 year-old son said to my husband, "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
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Top comments
JMichael 25
Kids say the darnedest things.
DocBastard 38
This is exactly why I started a diary when my daughter was born. I write down the funny things she and her brother say, and I fully intend to use them to my full advantage at their respective weddings.
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Comments (109)
underthesea12 24
Why daddy?
Dcm210 19
Awww I'm sure he still loves you
FYsocks 11
That paired with your username made me LOL.
Vinnie500 14
Stop letting him talk to your ex and you wouldn't have this problem.
silverhuntress 4
Oh wow. Is anyone wondering what OP did to his son to make him say that??? oh!!! Quick question! How do you change your profile pic??? I'm new and clueless!!!
lzmo 20
Your username :')
PrincessCastiel 27
"Oh it happened the day you were born..." Haha but seriously OP your son loves you all the same :) kid's just say regrettable things sometimes
davie94 18
Sorry to hear that OP, maybe he wants more of a father-son bond??
heartlocked 3
"Son, are you talking about the time when you saw me and your uncle...ahem"
ChrisFrank37 13
Get a new son