Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, I kissed my husband and said, "I love you." That's when our 5 year-old son said to my husband, "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML
Nice of her
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year-old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML
Tired and emotional
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
Top comments
JMichael 26
Kids say the darnedest things.
DocBastard 40
This is exactly why I started a diary when my daughter was born. I write down the funny things she and her brother say, and I fully intend to use them to my full advantage at their respective weddings.
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Comments (109)
pam241 15
wtf? wher did he get that from?
Dynosaur_dollie 38
Honestly kids pull things out of thin air sometimes. They hear everything, even when you think they don't, and then they pull comments like this one out of nowhere. You'll almost never know where they got it from.
gracehi 33
That reminds me of something that happened when my brother and sister and I were little. One day, we children were quietly sitting at the table eating our dinner, when my four year old brother looked at my eight year old sister and said emphatically, "You asshole!" Naturally, my sister ran to my mom and complained, "Josh called me an 'asshole.'" "Why?", my mother asked. "I don't know," she replied, and mocking his tone perfectly continued, "he just looked at me and said, 'You asshole!'" Of course, my mother couldn't contain her hysteric laughter. To this day no one, Josh included, knows what prompted him to say that, but he said it nevertheless. Children say some random and strange things sometimes. I don't think OP should take his son's word so seriously. He should just laugh at the random and naturally occurring comedy that comes with raising a young child.
Rick_Astley_fml 14
Kids say the funniest things! Don't take it personally op :)
DocBastard 40
This is exactly why I started a diary when my daughter was born. I write down the funny things she and her brother say, and I fully intend to use them to my full advantage at their respective weddings.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
pretty cliche there doc.
DocBastard 40
Embarrassing photos? Yes, I agree. But I'm talking about telling everyone my daughter knows and loves that when she was 4 she said, "Daddy, I would rather lose everything I own than lose you". Feel different about my little diary now?
1947Chevy 17
You sir are a genius
BossPathfinderGM 14
You might like this snippet, Doc. I have three nephews. This particular bit occurred when they were aged 6, 4, and 3. We took them to the park, where they were naturally running around playing with all their gusto. Then the four year old strolled over, sat down on the bench next to my mother, and said "Phew! Those boys have so much energy. What will we ever do with them, Granny?"
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
40- I know exactly how you feel. Once my mom ordered a pizza and started showing my baby pictures to the delivery guy for at least 10 minutes, and when I got mad at her she had no idea why.
HockeyGirlLover 7
You evil genius I like you :)
AshaaFerreira 22
Awwww he is 5 don't let it bother you. :) deep down he loves you!
lameuser 23
Once a little girl called me, "stoopid". Never really liked kids since.
SWC_Penguin 17
The best thing about 5 year olds is that even though they ask a billion questions, they'll accept any answer. Use this to shape his mind. "Because I don't like MacGyver, son. Remember that and learn from my mistakes."
Rainhawk94 27
Mommy must be speaking her mind around him
Gho5tk3y 17
I sincerely hope he was just referring to you heavy-breathing, I.e. sucking in air.
Robbieisadowg 16
Or a popsicle.
PenguinBitch 44
"Because you were born son....you were born."
angelitared 27
Well, why do you suck!?
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
Read his username and find out.