Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts... - FML

By for the whored - 18/12/2015 20:46 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts on here. I laughed hysterically at one, then noticed my parents shooting me outraged looks. Turned out I laughed while a news reporter was talking about a brutal rape that just happened in our city. FML

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Trip Advisor says no

The past that suits you best

Spooky

By Choum - 7/11/2008 06:33 - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

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By clair_brodie - 4/7/2019 20:00

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

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By fmlforreal - 15/10/2010 08:33 - Singapore

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

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By docwinters - 27/5/2013 12:39 - Australia - Bathurst

Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

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By Cantswim - 20/5/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

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By quick blow - 16/5/2012 02:53 - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

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By LeftOut - 13/4/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I saw my friends talking about plans for later during lunch. I walked over and asked for the plan. My best friend of 12 years gently took me aside, and said "You know that person in each group of friends that is only around to be made fun of? That's you." I just got dumped by my friends. FML

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By abbshows - 29/8/2014 18:54 - United States

Today, it was my great aunt's funeral. We all had to wait two hours for the service to begin, because they forgot to dig the grave. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2014 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2009 07:31 - United States

So that's what the smell was!

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

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By mortenp - 22/9/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, the shy girl in my class decided to bring a cake to share with everyone, since it was her birthday. Excited about the cake, I got everybody to sing "happy birthday" for her, only to realize too late that nobody in the class know her name, myself included. FML

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By yum - 7/7/2013 05:09 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

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By Pusillanimous - 19/7/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

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By Greg - 28/9/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

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By JAY22 - 26/3/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML

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By FML - 5/7/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 01:28 - Canada

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2014 21:52 - Belgium

Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML

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By RyoKioKio - 30/5/2017 20:00

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

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By Medic - 29/10/2012 03:10 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

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By futuregigolo - 22/12/2012 00:11 - United States - Strasburg

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

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By Sabre - 10/7/2018 01:30

Today, in my role as a social worker, I was ordered by the court to take a very pregnant, petite 15-year-old for a prenatal exam. I am an adult male. As she waddled into her appointment, I turned to see hate-filled stares in the entire waiting room. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2013 01:00 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

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By purple - 29/1/2010 11:22 - France

Today, I went to a camp my friend invited me to, thinking we'd just be roasting marshmallows all day and hanging out outside. Nope. It was a soul searching, "get closer to Jesus" camp. The first five hours were spent repeatedly praying and singing. I'm not a Christian. FML

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By Sally - 26/12/2011 11:48 - Australia

The struggle is real

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2016 05:04 - United States - Placentia

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

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By Immaculatedream - 27/7/2013 07:56 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 4 perfectly happy years together. The reason? He had a dream in which his dead former girlfriend from when he was 13 told him she still loved him. He now believes his dead childhood sweetheart is trying to contact him and I'm "in the way of their love." FML

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By Chipper - 9/8/2018 03:50

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

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By smarie09 - 6/3/2010 22:44 - Canada

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

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By ScoobieDoo - 20/3/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

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By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

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By Ouch - 19/7/2015 14:36 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2016 16:31 - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, turns out she's actually dating him. FML

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By -.- - 19/1/2015 01:18 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

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By thanks Toby dumbfuck - 13/7/2020 14:02

Good job

Today, my roommate read an article about unplugging appliances to save on electricity. Too bad the fucking moron also unplugged the fridge. We came home to a corpse-like stench and a fridge full of moldy food. We were gone for two weeks while the sludge marinated in the California heat. FML

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By anonymous - 5/7/2013 06:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

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Top comments

By tarlax | 11

#6488978 - Saturday 19 December 2015 23:57

At least you didn't shout "You deserved it, bitch." at some dumbass OP like I sometimes do.

By HrothgarXII | 21

#6488975 - Saturday 19 December 2015 23:55

That's why I only read FML in the darkest corners of my room. No one can judge me there.

COMMENTS

By HrothgarXII | 21

#6488975 - Saturday 19 December 2015 23:55

That's why I only read FML in the darkest corners of my room. No one can judge me there.

Reply

firefighter925 | 18

#6488994 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:08

Where the missing socks from the dryer live...

Reply

NatashaMay96 | 2

#6489033 - Sunday 20 December 2015 1:15

I mainly read fml on the loo so no one hears me

By tarlax | 11

#6488978 - Saturday 19 December 2015 23:57

At least you didn't shout "You deserved it, bitch." at some dumbass OP like I sometimes do.

By General_Cool | 24

#6488984 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:02

Awareness is key

By interesting33 | 36

#6488988 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:03

Just explain., you didn't do it on purpose. They should understand.

By katelng09 | 16

#6488999 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:15

It's not like you meant to. Besides you had your headphones in. It's not like you could control what was on the tv at the exact time you laughed.

By emeraldisle | 30

#6489001 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:17

Love the username OP!

By windyal0115 | 15

#6489005 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:23

That makes me wonder which post it was.

By C0bblepot | 11

#6489006 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:23

This isn't that bad though, I mean if you explain it I'm sure they'll understand. And even if you doesn't it isn't that big of a deal.

Reply

XxDanno316xX | 27

#6489057 - Sunday 20 December 2015 2:10

Well, that would go for 90% of the fml's... just explain yourself... The whole point to it was at that very moment op had a legit reason to say fml. :)

By Scarylizard1798 | 23

#6489013 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:37

Timing is everything xD

By Mathalamus | 24

#6489015 - Sunday 20 December 2015 0:37

So your parents never once noticed that you are on your phone?