Money, Health and Transportation: Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had...

By Anonymous - 07/10/2018 12:00

Today, I hit someone’s car and got arrested for a DUI. I had to tell my parents so they could remove me from the insurance. My mom's response in the background after I told my dad was "I knew it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 4 262

Money Health Transportation

Leave us alone

Walk the line

Movie night

By dollabill009 - 06/06/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 198

You deserved it 8 525

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 096

You deserved it 2 650

Sins of the Mother

By speedster - 24/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my science teacher if he'd had my mom when she went to my high school. He took one look at me, glared, and said, "Oh yeah, I remember HER." I have that class every day the rest of the year. Thanks a lot, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 254

By justdancebbyx3 - 06/06/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook and found out that my own mother unfriended me because she didn't want her new boyfriend to know that she had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 885

You deserved it 2 997

By fmlforreal - 15/10/2010 08:33 - Singapore

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 9 588

Marking territory

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, while on a picnic with my boyfriend, he got a little drunk. All of a sudden, he got up, pulled his pants down and pissed all over me. His excuse? "Just marking my territory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 625

You deserved it 300

Detective work

By Essie - 13/05/2021 22:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lied about not only talking to one other girl, but 5 other girls, and it wasn't just talking, it was wanting to meet up, nudes, sex, getting high together etc.. This has been going on for months, and even when I confronted him about it with evidence, he still denied it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 149

By kingkobrastrikes - 21/01/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 479

You deserved it 20 482

By KyngJulian - 23/04/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 639

You deserved it 19 671

By neveragain - 16/03/2012 05:11 - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 451

You deserved it 30 815

By Anonymous - 20/09/2017 04:30

Today, while playing ping pong, my brother got mad that he lost and threw the paddle at my head, causing me to fall backwards into the TV mounted on the wall. Now I have a concussion and have to pay to replace the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 329

You deserved it 204

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 752

You deserved it 7 434

By clapping_for_you - 14/12/2018 12:30

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

I agree, your life sucks 3 161

You deserved it 375

By karaokestar - 23/04/2009 04:42 - Canada

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 929

You deserved it 5 511

By Username - 23/12/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 360

You deserved it 3 009

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 03:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 251

You deserved it 3 681

By lorena_v - 10/11/2017 05:00

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 314

You deserved it 3 760

By 50sStyle - 12/06/2017 19:00 - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 499

You deserved it 399

By Vxale - 29/09/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 596

You deserved it 3 038

Skinny issues

By maisie - 31/03/2021 21:30

Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 52

By Rainman - 14/06/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 765

You deserved it 14 275

By crazygirl10 - 28/05/2010 20:37 - United States

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 508

You deserved it 33 053

Issues

By Badkitty14 - 09/08/2012 20:16 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 554

You deserved it 3 705

Insulate Britain at it again

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to protestors blocking the M25, I missed the only job interview I’ve been invited to in 10 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 84

Why People Break Bad

By Gnomead - 12/08/2018 18:30

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 089

You deserved it 195

By ninja_blasphemer - 25/07/2011 19:24 - Ireland

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 984

You deserved it 7 774

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 00:06 - United States - Marysville

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 786

You deserved it 3 827

By awkwardpartybear - 04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 761

You deserved it 17 590

By didi - 05/01/2009 10:45 - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 814

You deserved it 19 508

By Anonymous - 01/05/2012 08:24 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 761

You deserved it 29 304

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 844

You deserved it 12 355

By JayFri - 06/06/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 334

You deserved it 7 210

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 17:01 - United States - Portland

Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 089

Vicious

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 08:08

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years after finally realizing I'm a lesbian. He then outed me to my very religious and conservative family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 875

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 266

You deserved it 14 444

By anamanaguchi - 31/03/2018 01:30

Today, a 6th grader came up to me and told me I have the smallest breasts in the class. I'm their teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 416

You deserved it 348

By wouaf - 29/05/2015 04:19 - France - Voiron

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 132

You deserved it 5 464

By StupidCar - 07/02/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 973

You deserved it 4 845

By Anonymous - 16/10/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 628

You deserved it 46 102

That escalated quickly

By Anonymous - 04/10/2021 14:00

Today, my wife and I have been fighting for two days straight. We haven’t talked all day. It all started with me asking where to park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 105

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Top comments

coolmike699 26

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Sunday 7 October 2018 13:01

There is no scenario where you don't deserve this.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 27 September 2018 16:32

Time to stop drinking/doing drugs. If your mom had the foresight to see you were going to end up in an accident like this, you might have a problem.

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Thursday 27 September 2018 16:32

Time to stop drinking/doing drugs. If your mom had the foresight to see you were going to end up in an accident like this, you might have a problem.

coolmike699 26

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Sunday 7 October 2018 13:01

There is no scenario where you don't deserve this.

silentbabydeer 10

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Sunday 7 October 2018 14:54

Nothing about this is FML worthy because you deserve it. The person who has the FML worthy is the owner of the car that you hit.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Sunday 7 October 2018 15:04

What if you'd hit and killed someone who did nothing wrong Scumbag

Quasita 26

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Sunday 7 October 2018 16:04

So... you had the good fortune of benefiting from being on your parents' car insurance, possibly not even having to *pay* for the car insurance... which means that the car isn't titled in your name only either, because you can't insure someone else's car, so they either co-signed for you or helped you get a break with your premiums by putting themselves on the hook for your taxes and registration... and you're stupid enough to drive under the influence? And you want people to feel bad for you because your mom thinks you're a dumbass and knew that doing all that for you was a bad idea? You so deserve the crap they give you for this.

kev1029 22

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Monday 8 October 2018 8:58

You can totally be on your parent's insurance while the car is titled to you

mikbrooke 25

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Monday 8 October 2018 13:23

i used to have a car registered in my name, but the insurance was under my parents with me listed as an additional driver.

cbchawks 14

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Monday 8 October 2018 17:31

troll-berry-crunch. get some friends loser

Mungolikecandy 19

Sunday 7 October 2018 16:07

Today a drunk driver hit my car. That would be an FML.

Phillycheeze 20

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Sunday 7 October 2018 17:43

Grow up !!!!! As Red would say,"DUMBASS!!!!"

acmariner99 25

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Sunday 7 October 2018 17:47

I have have zero sympathy if you were actually drinking and got into a crash. In fact I have less than zero. No check that, I hate your guts. You could have killed someone. Get help.

RoadRunnerZ 13

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Sunday 7 October 2018 18:33

Why remove you from the insurance

1gullible_bugger 33

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Sunday 7 October 2018 20:23

because clearly he shouldn't be driving because he's not responsible. and if he's on his parent's insurance, it's going to drive that up. it would be far better if he had his own insurance so he can suffer his own consequences, not his parents!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 93