Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them sent me a screenshot of an error message on a porn site, asking if I was having the same problem. I guess I wasn't being so quiet after all. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML
Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML
Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML
Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
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Top comments
StiffPvtParts 43
********** in front of them to show dominance.
Batkid217 14
that sounds like a bonding experience
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Comments (34)
Warmonger_Smurf 29
You were being quite. He didn't hear you and though you too were having trouble with the **** site. If he had heard you than he would've asked which site you were using.
MarkToast 19
maybe you guys can just share your screen?
AcieMcG 21
You'll have mastered quiet when you ********** with your sleeping roommate right across the room from you. Dorming was the worst.
dutchy86 20
true...
pjsr 33
Meh, guys just agree what happens in the dorm room stays in the dorm room
xGoldColossus 7
I feel your pain I've been there before.
WreckeRalph36 18
Go to the bathroom and turn on the shower or something man!
dutchy86 20
did you yell back; "NO I am masturbating!"? ghe ghe ghe who cares if they know... at least you had the 45 seconds of fun and pleasure FYL
worldclassrager 41
Maybe just ********** when you are the only one there
8djht8 19
Great minds think alike
ShannonBonnanen 15
Why would you even stop to check your mail while you are choking the chicken?
I_own_a_dog 11
Did you guys do it back to back?
Richard6036 13
That's kind of funny when I was a teenager my brother went up on the skylight and him and his friends were looking in all me jerking off . So I really know how you feel