Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 20:21 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

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Great boyfriend

Ghosted

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By NotHappyJan - 3/12/2018 03:00

Today, I thought I'd take advantage of the lovely weather and sunbake topless in my grandmother's back yard. My grandma went up the street to do some shopping and didn’t tell me that men were coming to mow the lawn. I was laying on my back. FML

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By Habit - 19/10/2011 22:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

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By NOKHAN - 25/10/2013 17:17 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

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By erectioninfection - 1/5/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 19/8/2018 03:30

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2013 11:36 - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

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By Pixel - 10/11/2014 09:10 - Canada - Castlegar

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

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By - 11/12/2018 22:00

Today I saw a picture of my ex giving her new boyfriend an extremely familiar ring. Upon zooming in, I realized that it was the engagement ring i gave her that she claimed to have had stolen from her home... FML

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By Broke as hell - 7/4/2020 23:00

Hangry

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

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By wo-ow - 6/6/2014 23:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

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By gerontofuck - 15/4/2014 21:55 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

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By cocokiss410 - 28/7/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, while I was at work, a co-worker watched while some kid stole the radio out of my car. FML

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By shameonme - 1/4/2016 19:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

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By robm - 26/7/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

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By thankyouforcalling - 1/6/2015 22:46 - United States - Bremerton

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

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By FAIL - 8/9/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

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By Brokenheartz - 9/2/2012 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

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By LeaveTheGuyAlone - 29/7/2013 00:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my girlfriend hasn't really been "researching" for work on the Internet; she's actually been tweeting the same pathetic plea to a guy from One Direction asking him to "follow" her. She's 29. FML

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By college estudiata - 27/6/2015 00:57

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 13:00

Yelp

Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML

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By bunnyluver4545 - 11/1/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 16:56 - Canada

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 23:00

Forever alone, episode 7864

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

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By reallyson? - 12/1/2015 05:28 - United States - South Hadley

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

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By "Kaluhaluha" - 14/12/2018 17:30

Today, after having my car back for a few months after a $2,000 repair, I got in, only for it to not start. Don't worry. It's not the battery. It's the engine, which was fine yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2015 19:54 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

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By AbsolutelyEffed - 19/2/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I woke up at 5 and studied for my 9:30am exam for 4 hours. When I left my dorm at 9, it was dark outside. Turns out I slept through the entire day and woke up at 5pm. FML

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By csor027 - 29/9/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

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By Xtine - 23/6/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

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By Mr.P - 21/10/2011 15:35 - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

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By mr.palendrome - 6/3/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

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By migsman - 15/9/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 19:15

The Outsider

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

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By crazybiotch - 28/5/2009 18:09 - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

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By Miserableperson - 18/3/2017 18:00

Today, I found out that we're supposed to get 3 feet of snow, and the person who plows our driveway is out of town. We're stranded on a huge hill. FML

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By merpaderp14 - 9/9/2013 06:15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

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By mermaidkeels - 8/9/2016 04:54 - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

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By leve80paladin - 25/10/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and my parents staged an intervention, and have asked me to go to rehab. What they want me to go to rehab for? World of Warcraft. FML

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Top comments

By ohhboyy | 0

#140708 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:17

that would've been great if 69 ppl saw.. haw

By trixr4kids | 0

#140690 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:14

HAHAHA
dumbass

COMMENTS

By trixr4kids | 0

#140690 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:14

HAHAHA
dumbass

Reply

aad2307 | 0

#2055862 - Monday 7 February 2011 20:42

Oh, OP is Canadian.
explains it.

Reply

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3399639 - Friday 7 October 2011 6:41

Who goes on Messenger anymore?

Reply

unicornpower56 | 7

#5130700 - Friday 9 November 2012 8:50

142, this was in '09. I used to go on messenger till '10. And Ur post was in '11, it's '12 now, a year later. I answered Ur reply. Lmfao wtf

Reply

Cryptic17_fml | 4

#5313403 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:43

WELL NOW IT'S '13 and you better start prepping because the world did infact end

Reply

PDN | 12

#5789128 - Thursday 12 December 2013 1:50

I'm going to come back again to comment in '14. Just wait, I'll try to have something funny prepped ^_^

Reply

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#5853890 - Monday 10 February 2014 14:13

It's '14 and I'm waiting for your funny comment...

On the other hand, I just wonder how long these belated replies will go on. Maybe I will return in 2030.

Reply

WordAficionada | 19

#5949970 - Monday 19 May 2014 12:25

I'm here in '14 too, haha I hope this continues each year.

Reply

scooterdude720 | 19

#6057484 - Friday 5 September 2014 23:07

I'm going to favorite this then comment in '15. See ya next year!

Reply

Lacalema | 21

#6172400 - Wednesday 14 January 2015 10:14

I feel like I'm from the future! 15'!
Awww but soon this will just be another reply from the past...

Reply

theboywonder99 | 8

#6274438 - Sunday 26 April 2015 23:53

I'm here in '15 too but I'll be here for '16

Reply

AlaskanChild | 10

#6294914 - Tuesday 19 May 2015 0:13

You never did comment

Reply

cocofan187 | 8

#6461924 - Sunday 15 November 2015 15:00

Its 2099, I'm here waiting for yall

Reply

ZazatheGreat | 5

#6515372 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 13:53

I'm here in '16. I wonder how long this will go...

Reply

xLIGHTS_fml | 23

#6524735 - Sunday 31 January 2016 5:47

I'm also here in '16!

Reply

epicgamer | 18

#6550914 - Thursday 3 March 2016 0:49

lol, let's see if we can get the fml staff to add on.

Reply

Sirin_fml | 46

#6550915 - Thursday 3 March 2016 0:51

What is this? YouTube? Oh, right...

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
ＤＡＭＮＴＨＩＳＣＯＭＭＥＮＴＩＳＳＨＩＴ
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Reply

epicgamer | 18

#6565076 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 0:08

lol

Reply

Bliepje | 22

#6707629 - Sunday 30 October 2016 23:33

still here... no funny comments... long time waiting

By applefanboy | 0

#140695 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:15

HAHAHA.. oh man.....

By sunshine13_fml | 0

#140702 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:16

aaahahahhhahahahhaa
i lol'd

By fuckmyl1f333 | 0

#140703 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:16

ouch, thats pretty damn funny

By ohhboyy | 0

#140708 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:17

that would've been great if 69 ppl saw.. haw

By ammali | 0

#140715 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:18

HAHA, nice. How do you know 63 people saw? You got that many IMs? Or you just mean that many people were online? Because if so, it will probably make you feel better to realise that likely, only a few of them saw.

By Serial | 2

#140728 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:21

i hope it was a porno with a good name

Reply

FUUUandyourmom | 16

#2962497 - Sunday 24 July 2011 4:33

"Girl in latex gets fucked in the ass."

By _blank | 0

#140731 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:22

LMAO
YOU SOOO DESERVE IT

By TheDarkoprince | 0

#140739 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:23

Lmao #5

Haha but wow that's really dumb, well hopefully most were good enough friends that you can probably just laugh it off.

By alicemassie | 0

#140749 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:24

one a lot like this was already posted: http://www.fmylife.com/search/result/?texte=49f2583e75d08&article=1&from=top