Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

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Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Messed up

By Rowan Curry - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

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By Son of a Bitch - United States

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

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By :x - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

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By ELparano - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

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By xxxkkxxx - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

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By Nick Nameous - United States

Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML

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By - 10/1/2020 18:00

Volcanic eruption

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

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By lynn777 - Canada

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

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By InPain

The joys of public transport

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

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By worksucker - United States

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

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By RZ - United States

Today, my girlfriend was complaining of being stressed, so I mentioned having heard that sex relieves a lot of that build up of stress. She replied, "I think I'd rather stay stressed." FML

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By neighbour hell - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

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By BirthdayBoy - United States

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 20:00

Tasty

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

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By so racist - 25/6/2020 02:02

No, of course she's not…

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

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By iskalion - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

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By Kait - United States

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

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By fire0fisis - United States

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

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By JennaMarie - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

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By imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

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By babybreath - United States

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

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By inthesticks - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

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By ugly me - United States

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

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By Tucker - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

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By Dinger1992 - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

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By Autocorrected - Philippines

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

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By KaySchrages92 - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

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By jimmyt420 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend went and saw "The Blind Side." I sobbed throughout the entire movie. My girlfriend didn't shed a tear. FML

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By Nothanks

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

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By JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

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By InsaneIdiots

Today, after recovering from surgery, I was leaving the clinic when a bucket of red paint was thrown at me, and a woman shouted that I was a murderer. I replied, "Sorry, would you like me to ask the doctor for my ovarian cyst back so I can pretend it was a fetus?" She hit me with her handbag. FML

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By bad boss

Today, I had to reprimand an employee for her bad attitude and terrible work performance. She went to HR and said I harassed her for being gay. Guess who they believed. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

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Top comments

By ohhboyy | 0

#140708 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:17

that would've been great if 69 ppl saw.. haw

By trixr4kids | 0

#140690 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:14

HAHAHA
dumbass

COMMENTS

By trixr4kids | 0

#140690 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:14

HAHAHA
dumbass

Reply

aad2307 | 0

#2055862 - Monday 7 February 2011 20:42

Oh, OP is Canadian.
explains it.

Reply

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3399639 - Friday 7 October 2011 6:41

Who goes on Messenger anymore?

Reply

unicornpower56 | 7

#5130700 - Friday 9 November 2012 8:50

142, this was in '09. I used to go on messenger till '10. And Ur post was in '11, it's '12 now, a year later. I answered Ur reply. Lmfao wtf

Reply

Cryptic17_fml | 4

#5313403 - Monday 7 January 2013 22:43

WELL NOW IT'S '13 and you better start prepping because the world did infact end

Reply

PDN | 12

#5789128 - Thursday 12 December 2013 1:50

I'm going to come back again to comment in '14. Just wait, I'll try to have something funny prepped ^_^

Reply

Ashamed_Sister | 60

#5853890 - Monday 10 February 2014 14:13

It's '14 and I'm waiting for your funny comment...

On the other hand, I just wonder how long these belated replies will go on. Maybe I will return in 2030.

Reply

WordAficionada | 19

#5949970 - Monday 19 May 2014 12:25

I'm here in '14 too, haha I hope this continues each year.

Reply

scooterdude720 | 19

#6057484 - Friday 5 September 2014 23:07

I'm going to favorite this then comment in '15. See ya next year!

Reply

Lacalema | 21

#6172400 - Wednesday 14 January 2015 10:14

I feel like I'm from the future! 15'!
Awww but soon this will just be another reply from the past...

Reply

theboywonder99 | 8

#6274438 - Sunday 26 April 2015 23:53

I'm here in '15 too but I'll be here for '16

Reply

AlaskanChild | 10

#6294914 - Tuesday 19 May 2015 0:13

You never did comment

Reply

cocofan187 | 8

#6461924 - Sunday 15 November 2015 15:00

Its 2099, I'm here waiting for yall

Reply

ZazatheGreat | 5

#6515372 - Wednesday 20 January 2016 13:53

I'm here in '16. I wonder how long this will go...

Reply

xLIGHTS_fml | 23

#6524735 - Sunday 31 January 2016 5:47

I'm also here in '16!

Reply

epicgamer | 18

#6550914 - Thursday 3 March 2016 0:49

lol, let's see if we can get the fml staff to add on.

Reply

Sirin_fml | 46

#6550915 - Thursday 3 March 2016 0:51

What is this? YouTube? Oh, right...

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
ＤＡＭＮＴＨＩＳＣＯＭＭＥＮＴＩＳＳＨＩＴ
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩۞۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

Reply

epicgamer | 18

#6565076 - Wednesday 23 March 2016 0:08

lol

Reply

Bliepje | 22

#6707629 - Sunday 30 October 2016 23:33

still here... no funny comments... long time waiting

By applefanboy | 0

#140695 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:15

HAHAHA.. oh man.....

By sunshine13_fml | 0

#140702 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:16

aaahahahhhahahahhaa
i lol'd

By fuckmyl1f333 | 0

#140703 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:16

ouch, thats pretty damn funny

By ohhboyy | 0

#140708 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:17

that would've been great if 69 ppl saw.. haw

By ammali | 0

#140715 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:18

HAHA, nice. How do you know 63 people saw? You got that many IMs? Or you just mean that many people were online? Because if so, it will probably make you feel better to realise that likely, only a few of them saw.

By Serial | 2

#140728 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:21

i hope it was a porno with a good name

Reply

FUUUandyourmom | 16

#2962497 - Sunday 24 July 2011 4:33

"Girl in latex gets fucked in the ass."

By _blank | 0

#140731 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:22

LMAO
YOU SOOO DESERVE IT

By TheDarkoprince | 0

#140739 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:23

Lmao #5

Haha but wow that's really dumb, well hopefully most were good enough friends that you can probably just laugh it off.

By alicemassie | 0

#140749 - Saturday 25 April 2009 2:24

one a lot like this was already posted: http://www.fmylife.com/search/result/?texte=49f2583e75d08&article=1&from=top