Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/4/2009 15:51 - Japan

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17414

You deserved it

91404

Tweet

Share

KoBabe

Boozehound alert

Lockdown is driving us down

By ZombieMommy - 10/3/2017 05:00 - United States - Conroe

Plooped

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3259

You deserved it

2249

Tweet

Share

By Anna - 11/10/2019 06:00

Great, some ice cream!

Today, after three years of working at my current occupation, they decided to give me a bonus for all of my hard work and effort. A 5$ gift card to Cold Stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By insomniac - 3/9/2010 23:02

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26366

You deserved it

3421

Tweet

Share

By lpspann87 - 25/4/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can't feel my fingers or toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36495

You deserved it

3624

Tweet

Share

By kinkicali - 20/11/2012 08:43 - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16425

You deserved it

36296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/7/2014 17:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44137

You deserved it

5584

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 12:42 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31124

You deserved it

3074

Tweet

Share

By GOT not for me - 15/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1197

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By bit - 30/7/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8456

You deserved it

64233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/8/2015 00:29 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26352

You deserved it

1816

Tweet

Share

By whoops - 15/8/2016 04:07 - United States - Huntingdon

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7786

You deserved it

13821

Tweet

Share

By testacular - 25/3/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24606

You deserved it

55584

Tweet

Share

By sportskidguru - 1/2/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35479

You deserved it

3670

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16181

You deserved it

72470

Tweet

Share

By britt71411 - 13/1/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48489

You deserved it

5681

Tweet

Share

By S. - 26/8/2012 16:20 - Estonia

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26205

You deserved it

12685

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 16/4/2013 16:17 - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45092

You deserved it

6066

Tweet

Share

By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25611

You deserved it

7194

Tweet

Share

By anon - 15/9/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30250

You deserved it

2704

Tweet

Share

By lizzie - 25/5/2013 06:55 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84966

You deserved it

5296

Tweet

Share

By Username - 28/1/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24022

You deserved it

6758

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/9/2014 17:03 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40549

You deserved it

3837

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 05:02

Unprofessional

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy 6 months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1958

You deserved it

161

Tweet

Share

By Greg - 11/2/2013 04:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41479

You deserved it

2521

Tweet

Share

By Ashamed - 20/4/2012 07:34 - United States - Somerville

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21316

You deserved it

10395

Tweet

Share

By S3R1AL K1LL3R X - 19/10/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, in my college class, our teacher asked us what we wanted to do when we get out of college. I guess being a U.S. Marine gets you a lecture for the whole class to hear that I'm a war hungry pig, and should get a real job that requires a brain. My job field is Aircraft repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38244

You deserved it

4468

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 19:00

No Chick-Hating on Easter!

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

5268

You deserved it

691

Tweet

Share

By poor_college_kid - 15/9/2016 12:39 - United States - Tucson

Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12537

You deserved it

846

Tweet

Share

By Divorcemenow - 17/7/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50515

You deserved it

6941

Tweet

Share

By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34959

You deserved it

3737

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2013 19:10 - United Kingdom - Washington

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50533

You deserved it

8737

Tweet

Share

By thenewgirl - 6/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36970

You deserved it

3867

Tweet

Share

By NoCookForYou - 22/8/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44564

You deserved it

5805

Tweet

Share

By Silbax1 - 27/10/2014 15:40 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35406

You deserved it

3464

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1628

You deserved it

3172

Tweet

Share

By Lucy - 6/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26887

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

By JustSayNo - 11/8/2013 23:23 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19205

You deserved it

39832

Tweet

Share

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7283

You deserved it

1069

Tweet

Share

By lobotomy pls - 11/9/2015 18:40 - United States - Tappahannock

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28226

You deserved it

4463

Tweet

Share

By Username - 19/2/2011 07:57 - China

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37288

You deserved it

6859

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By patrickhb | 0

#90471 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:07

The door didn't give outwards at all when you were banging on it?

By Shadic | 0

#90477 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

#1 has it right. If you were banging on it, it would have opened. Either way, you're a moron.

COMMENTS

By patrickhb | 0

#90471 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:07

The door didn't give outwards at all when you were banging on it?

Reply

zach055 | 23

#1046278 - Sunday 27 June 2010 20:08

YDI but that happened to me once

Reply

fmlloverzz | 0

#2855116 - Saturday 9 July 2011 11:06

hahaha

Reply

JJ_86 | 22

#5960259 - Friday 30 May 2014 2:16

It wouldn't have if it needed the handle to be turned first. Duh!

By Sessee | 4

#90472 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:07

ROFL.
Sounds like something I'd do.

By tiltwrestler | 0

#90475 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:08

Life is tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid.

By Shadic | 0

#90477 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

#1 has it right. If you were banging on it, it would have opened. Either way, you're a moron.

By amirn86 | 0

#90478 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

Fail
#1 - you probably have to turn the knob/handle in order for the door to open

Reply

eminem1712 | 0

#2740427 - Thursday 23 June 2011 5:06

if it's a bathroom then there's probably a lock...

Reply

jessicalynn1293 | 0

#3778327 - Saturday 24 December 2011 0:04

#5
Even if you had to turn the door knob It's still common sense to turn the knob.
It's not there for decoration.

By sexxystephy | 0

#90482 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

Happens to the best of us.

By spaceheater | 0

#90491 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:11

I'm embaressed for you.

By BethyBoo | 0

#90505 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:14

LMAO I've done that too many times to count.......

By Trix_Disorder | 20

#90508 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:15

DEEP BREATHS, SPAZ.

I love how 75% of FMLs are just people doing stupid shit.

By ihatestupidpeopl_fml | 0

#90512 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:15

NUMBER ONE: THIS IS FAKE BECAUSE IF U BANG ON THE DOOR AND IT'S A PUSH, THEN IT WILL OPEN. SECOND, YOU ARE PROBABLY THE STUPIDEST PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, EVERYBODY ELSE COULD GET OUT OF A FUCKING BATHROOM...I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR STUPID BULLSHIT