Miscellaneous: Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After...

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 15:51 - Japan

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 425

You deserved it 91 501

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Dysfunctional

Give me strength

By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 057

You deserved it 5 567

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 21:45 - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 528

You deserved it 3 404

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 906

You deserved it 22 401

By thyella87 - 21/08/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 18 015

Frustration

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 08:00

Today, my wife is still refusing all forms of sex, because she thinks if she gets pregnant during lockdown, she’ll be the butt of all her friends' jokes about what people get up to to relieve the lockdown boredom. I know what I’d like to be getting up to right now to relieve my boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 314

By mommydearist - 19/10/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 2 880

By fuckit - 31/01/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 2 471

By Stevie - 16/08/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 720

You deserved it 3 851

By Anonymous - 20/11/2017 06:00

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 138

You deserved it 508

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 213

You deserved it 5 650

Lonely, so lonely

By Mike - 19/10/2021 14:01

Today, I woke up and realized that the "nice dream" I'd had was just about talking to people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 102

Tedious problems require extreme solutions

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 22:59

Today, my life is so devoid of love and joy that I seriously considered making junk food my full-time hobby, in the hope of getting diabetes and dying from it. At least that would be a pleasant way to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 14:33 - United States - Brownwood

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 655

You deserved it 6 887

By Full Stomach Empty Wallet - 06/08/2015 10:50 - United States - Danvers

Today, I discovered that the five-star meal that my friend treated me to last night was actually meant to be repayment of the $200 I loaned her last month. I needed that money for bills and she refuses to give me another cent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 2 594

By Worsttreeever - 05/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 334

You deserved it 3 510

Unreasonable

By minnie - 14/02/2021 06:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 217

By not a brain cell in sight - 16/06/2013 20:20 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my best friend called me a moron for disputing her belief that Canada is in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 214

You deserved it 4 273

Where's my NS10s gone?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00 - Spain - Palma De Mallorca

Today, I woke up to find my home studio cleared of most of my music gear. Apparently, my brother went on a Tinder date with a stranger late at night, and decided it to bring her to my place's guest room since my house "was closer." I'd been building that studio for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 73

Compassionate man

By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 72

By disgusteddaughter - 13/06/2011 08:58 - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 675

You deserved it 3 409

By technologyfail - 26/08/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 894

You deserved it 50 929

Get out of there, fast

By LeaveMeAlone - 23/02/2021 22:56

Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 601

You deserved it 108

By Lasko - 12/08/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 137

You deserved it 6 901

By ColdFoot - 03/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 083

You deserved it 2 721

By sadgirl - 10/06/2013 18:14 - United States - Conway

Today, my grandpa pointed me out to one of his friends, saying, "Yeah, she's the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 4 361

By Sally19863 - 30/08/2010 16:18 - South Africa

Today, I discovered that I have developed a latex allergy. I'm a third year medical student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 3 053

By yomamma787 - 24/11/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 847

You deserved it 54 337

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

By bored - 12/09/2019 00:02

Today, I found a deck of Uno cards. Being extremely bored, I decided to put them in order. I now know EXACTLY which cards I'm missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 351

Flip-flopping

By Brandenn J Moore - 11/07/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend, who I've been living with for the last month, told me she's not attracted to me and wants to see other people. She told me this after months of dating and telling me she was thinking about having a child with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 15:43 - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 820

You deserved it 7 417

By Knottywoman - 03/09/2017 23:15

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 156

You deserved it 226

By Weak Disposition - 27/04/2012 04:29 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 284

You deserved it 29 509

By zoosmell pooplord - 02/09/2012 19:41 - Norway - Geilo

Today, my boss got angry at me because my English is better than his. He accused me of trying to steal his management position, and implied that I'll be lucky if I still have a job by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 880

You deserved it 1 728

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 06:15

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 229

By Kolkata - 05/08/2012 23:25 - Canada

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 543

You deserved it 2 311

By Thay - 01/09/2016 22:28 - United States

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 858

You deserved it 1 655

By lonesome - 28/04/2013 05:23 - Canada

Today, my whole family made an hour-long drive to a restaurant that's just a few minutes away from my place. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 503

You deserved it 3 413

By Anonymous - 06/11/2011 00:04 - Reserved

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 098

You deserved it 40 081

By XLhottie - 06/06/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 138

You deserved it 22 989

Value

By Randy - 13/09/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 271

You deserved it 5 229

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Top comments

patrickhb 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:07

The door didn't give outwards at all when you were banging on it?

Shadic 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

#1 has it right. If you were banging on it, it would have opened. Either way, you're a moron.

patrickhb 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:07

The door didn't give outwards at all when you were banging on it?

zach055 23

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Sunday 27 June 2010 20:08

YDI but that happened to me once

fmlloverzz 0

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Saturday 9 July 2011 11:06

hahaha

JJ_86 22

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Friday 30 May 2014 2:16

It wouldn't have if it needed the handle to be turned first. Duh!

Sessee 4

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:07

ROFL. Sounds like something I'd do.

tiltwrestler 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:08

Life is tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid.

Shadic 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

#1 has it right. If you were banging on it, it would have opened. Either way, you're a moron.

amirn86 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

Fail #1 - you probably have to turn the knob/handle in order for the door to open

eminem1712 0

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Thursday 23 June 2011 5:06

if it's a bathroom then there's probably a lock...

jessicalynn1293 0

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Saturday 24 December 2011 0:04

#5 Even if you had to turn the door knob It's still common sense to turn the knob. It's not there for decoration.

sexxystephy 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:09

Happens to the best of us.

spaceheater 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:11

I'm embaressed for you.

BethyBoo 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:14

LMAO I've done that too many times to count.......

Trix_Disorder 20

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:15

DEEP BREATHS, SPAZ. I love how 75% of FMLs are just people doing stupid shit.

ihatestupidpeopl_fml 0

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Tuesday 7 April 2009 20:15

NUMBER ONE: THIS IS FAKE BECAUSE IF U BANG ON THE DOOR AND IT'S A PUSH, THEN IT WILL OPEN. SECOND, YOU ARE PROBABLY THE STUPIDEST PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, EVERYBODY ELSE COULD GET OUT OF A FUCKING BATHROOM...I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR STUPID BULLSHIT