Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having...

By BrittUnicorn - 6/7/2015 15:14 - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

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Intimacy

Dangling modifier

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Insane parents

By Happy 20th! - 28/7/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, it's my 20th birthday! Happy birthday to me! My boyfriend threw a beer can through my back wind-shield after breaking up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2015 01:21 - Canada

Today, I found out my bank charged me $50 for not having any money. Way to go bank, way to go. FML

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By lotrgeek - 13/2/2012 13:37 - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

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By obsceene - 18/10/2010 10:49 - United States

Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML

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By Paulshaun1 - 6/10/2016 13:38 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my mother told me she thinks it is time for me to move into my own place. I agreed with her and went to look at studios/ flats online. She later came into my room, saw me looking at places and then got pissed off at me, saying that I hate her for wanting to leave her. FML

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By otter - 17/8/2011 02:05 - United States

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

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By lonerjik - 19/1/2011 12:05 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2017 14:30

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mother putting up the dishes. I went to stand up from putting a pot in a lower cabinet and hit my head on the upper cabinet she left open by accident. Hello concussion number nine. FML

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By rcarn - 12/6/2015 14:25 - United States - Leesburg

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

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By noononononono - 21/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my Dad came home with a $500 jacket that he'd bought himself for Christmas. I'd bought him the same one, and it's non refundable. FML

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By wsumt - 29/1/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

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By :( - 27/1/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

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By storyofmylife - 23/8/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML

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By zztopspinner - 14/3/2012 19:11 - United States

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

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By Loveandpoetry - 31/5/2011 21:12

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

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By ohdeargodthatswrong - 9/1/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

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By Socklessandsmelly - 26/5/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

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By CoA - 6/9/2016 11:40 - United States - Dekalb

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2013 18:47 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 23:31

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 18:00

Cockstepblocked

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2013 16:50 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

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By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By loserman - 16/2/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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By whatislife1969 - 8/9/2017 10:00

Baby don't hurt me...

Today, my friends got me a cake for my birthday. As I blew out the candles, they shoved my head into it and I was knocked out for 3 minutes before an ambulance took me to the hospital. I got a concussion from a cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 11:55 - Australia

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

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By Mick_The_Disappointment - 11/12/2018 15:30

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

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By Good tenant - 3/5/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Consett

Today, my landlord increase my rent because of the "increased value of the flat". Why has the value increased? Because I decorated and replaced the broken fixtures. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 11:40 - Canada

Today, I found out that my grandma has been sending me birthday money every year. My mom just steals it before I ever see it. FML

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By sadgoblin - 23/7/2018 03:00

Today, the cashier at Walmart kept getting distracted and laughing hysterically while ringing up my items because she couldn’t get past how much I "look like a goblin". She then called her manager over, who agreed. FML

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By TheSuregeon - 18/3/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

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By jennybrev - 13/7/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

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By bellabreeze - 9/8/2012 03:29 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

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By shadowednavi - 26/4/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, one of the guests I was in the middle of seating knocked an empty wine glass from the table. I assured them it was all right and kneeled down to pick up the now broken glass. The lady insisted on helping as far as picking the glass up and dumping the shards into my open hands. FML

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By mastel07 - 10/12/2014 12:59 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML

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By married an old man - 5/3/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

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By weddinggirl - 27/8/2010 09:57 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

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Top comments

By kaylizs | 20

#6342356 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:23

Any dream about Chris Pratt is a wet dream.

By jet223 | 20

#6342364 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:27

Well it depends on what you were sucking on. It could have still been a sexy dream.

COMMENTS

By kaylizs | 20

#6342356 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:23

Any dream about Chris Pratt is a wet dream.

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6342372 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:35

He probably wanted her to suck something else ;)

pabj208 | 23

#6342451 - Monday 6 July 2015 20:25

Sounds like he was a bit of a Pratt.

jackipdoc | 31

#6342793 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 1:55

Agreed

By HUGBUG | 23

#6342357 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:23

Lol when I first read this I thought u were a dude XD it makes sense now

mds9986 | 24

#6342380 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:38

So what if OP was a guy?

eski2015 | 22

#6342573 - Monday 6 July 2015 22:41

It makes sense either way

HUGBUG | 23

#6342574 - Monday 6 July 2015 22:41

If it were a guy it wouldn't been at work it wouldn't been where Oo wished it would've been

HUGBUG | 23

#6342575 - Monday 6 July 2015 22:43

I meant op not oo

mds9986 | 24

#6342613 - Monday 6 July 2015 23:20

Stay in school 41

ahippienamedrae | 10

#6342663 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 0:02

If I were a guy, I'd probably still think he's hot tbh

mr_sarcastic416 | 29

#6342839 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 3:05

#49 your profile sez you ARE a guy... just sayin

ErinRosado | 14

#6343685 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 20:26

#49 might just want the blue border instead of the pink.

By itsalanis | 24

#6342359 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:25

I wouldn't have minded that dream. Chris Pratt is hot, no matter what the situation is. c:

Kc_2424 | 0

#6342646 - Monday 6 July 2015 23:45

My ex has exactly the same name except he's a lying cheating stealing POS who can't hold down a job. That situation is far from hot haha.

By stingray112 | 24

#6342360 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:26

I'm sorry that your life is now in shambles because a dream didn't go the way you wanted it too.

ThatOneChick856 | 36

#6342764 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 1:20

I think you've missed the point of the website. "FML" is a hyperbole in most cases, as it should be.

By gigistar15 | 21

#6342362 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:26

Just wait. One day you'll have the dream about Chris that u were expecting!

SubparAtBest | 23

#6342949 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 5:32

Just wait. only day Chris Pratt will have the dream about you that he was expecting. He always wanted to be the boss..

By MiaTheMartian | 21

#6342363 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:27

oh no! That's so sad aww

By jet223 | 20

#6342364 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:27

Well it depends on what you were sucking on. It could have still been a sexy dream.

By SideOfTheAngels | 23

#6342367 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:30

At least there were no velociraptors

Tthug | 34

#6342396 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:46

The presence of velociraptors could have only improved the dream.

By rhastafish | 13

#6342370 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:33

All I can see is parks and recreations

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6342374 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:37

Who the fuck is Chris Pratt and why should I care?

TheLadyOpal | 30

#6342400 - Monday 6 July 2015 19:46

He's from the new Jurassic Park movie, Jurassic World. But if you don't care, why would you ask?

DarkMatter115 | 13

#6342453 - Monday 6 July 2015 20:27

Also Guardians of the Galaxy and the Tv show Parks and Recreation

upallnight11 | 19

#6342777 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 1:40

Go back to your cave.