By Anonymous

Creeped out

Today, I found out my husband only started to date me because he thinks I look like his daughter. She was 5 at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1844

You deserved it

125

Favorite

Out of it

Vulture

That's quite a gamble, sir

By KittyNeko - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27990

You deserved it

3172

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By jdot747 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8637

You deserved it

29349

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium - Schepdaal

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54150

You deserved it

3758

Favorite

By newlywed - United States

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50839

You deserved it

13343

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39375

You deserved it

3808

Favorite

By ziatenaj - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30142

You deserved it

2949

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By anon - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26671

You deserved it

3150

Favorite

By nikto

Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34959

You deserved it

3944

Favorite

By Sam - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend a picture of me in what I thought was a sexy skintight dress. He responded by saying "it's ok, I went through a pudgy stage too". The picture was from Saturday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32547

You deserved it

4240

Favorite

By keelah - United States - Montgomery

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47547

You deserved it

8512

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49557

You deserved it

7300

Favorite

By raquelcita - United States - Winter Park

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13577

You deserved it

1006

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43460

You deserved it

3349

Favorite

By RingRing - United States

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8418

You deserved it

34117

Favorite

By Bridget Jones? - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50381

You deserved it

5109

Favorite

By Anonymous - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. In the hospital the doctor compared my heart to that of a stressed out 60 year-old's. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24101

You deserved it

1921

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 13:58

My new friend

Today, I realized at the train station that every day for a month, I've been waving to a cardboard cut-out of a person in the morning. I thought they were real. They're cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

888

You deserved it

427

Favorite

By SirPimPim - Sweden

Today, it was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, and said: "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34330

You deserved it

13398

Favorite

By Canuckster - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10602

You deserved it

57490

Favorite

By Anonymous - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43643

You deserved it

10083

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33459

You deserved it

2317

Favorite

By zaktor

Today, at my fundraising job, I got my biggest donation ever: $500. I accidentally added a zero and charged the donor $5000. What I got: an angry phone call and a lecture from my boss. What I didn't get: a donation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2185

You deserved it

3521

Favorite

By momma - Canada - Toronto

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50908

You deserved it

3698

Favorite

By k.love - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49439

You deserved it

4353

Favorite

By EmbarrassedBather

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1879

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By Bryce

Very fishy

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By nosey - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16637

You deserved it

40023

Favorite

By grantsidiots - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56707

You deserved it

3130

Favorite

By Jenna - 12/10/2020 02:02

Jumping the gun

Today, my boyfriend of one week kissed my stomach and began speaking to our "baby." We haven't had sex yet. In fact, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1350

You deserved it

Favorite

By hail science

Scammer

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2487

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29129

You deserved it

3210

Favorite

By boobmilk - United States - Hesperia

Today I left my 8-week-old with my brother so I could return to work. His wife took all the breast milk I'd packed out of the fridge and poured it out. According to her, it was “gross” and she didn’t want it near her food. My son is allergic to formula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5811

You deserved it

301

Favorite

By I must suck at singing - United States

Today, my neighbor had a word with me for being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action for two years now, but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40372

You deserved it

7045

Favorite

By Aryah - United States - Irving

Today, I found out why the temps were not invited to the company Christmas party. The company paid for the regular employees to go to a nice restaurant, gave them nice presents, and handed out substantial bonuses. They keep telling me they can't hire me on because the company can't afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7232

You deserved it

788

Favorite

By Boyufd - 30/7/2020 23:01

The Dark Knight

Today, I noticed my acne scars are almost forming the Batman symbol. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1168

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By shizzy09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66410

You deserved it

5105

Favorite

By Fml - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51091

You deserved it

14561

Favorite

By Noah - United States - South Haven

Today, I was at a bar with my girlfriend, and I noticed an obnoxious guy from college I used to hang out with. I tried to avoid eye contact, but all of a sudden he shouted, "There's the guy who puked his margarita back into the glass!" Everyone stared. Yup, that was me, just last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13648

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/4/2021 08:01

Nobody wins

Today, I found that the product we shipped and what the salesman billed don't match. It's my job to flag such issues, as they cost the company money. The salesman asked me to shut up and be his accomplice, as it was done to please the client. The sales manager had to agree, but said I was causing trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

849

You deserved it

Favorite

By wowimdumb - United States

Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13430

You deserved it

70006

Favorite

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Top comments

By Aiden89 | 21

#7892562 - Thursday 26 March 2020 14:14

What the f***

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7892577 - Thursday 26 March 2020 15:54

Isn't Donald Trump married?

COMMENTS

By Aiden89 | 21

#7892562 - Thursday 26 March 2020 14:14

What the f***

RichardPencil | 30

#7892583 - Thursday 26 March 2020 16:23

On this site, you don't need to use asterisks. The slogan is "Fuck is our first name."

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7892577 - Thursday 26 March 2020 15:54

Isn't Donald Trump married?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7892578 - Thursday 26 March 2020 15:55

Do you also have to call him Daddy?

By sydthekid2000 | 5

#7892605 - Thursday 26 March 2020 19:25

Red flag!

By demix_fml | 32

#7892637 - Thursday 26 March 2020 21:28

Creepy

By Patrick Arthur | 1

#7892652 - Thursday 26 March 2020 23:07

I’m guessing it’s so she could pass as her mom in public...

WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7893449 - Monday 30 March 2020 2:59

Yeah I was thinking that too. This is one of those rare situations where she isn’t thinking deep enough into it

By daddycaitlin | 13

#7892658 - Thursday 26 March 2020 23:43

I hope it’s so you’d pass as the mom, if not, I’d get out now.

By Itsheragain | 9

#7892687 - Friday 27 March 2020 4:45

uhm..you need to RUN NOW

By jriley4u | 17

#7892729 - Friday 27 March 2020 7:25

Either way, your husband is weird.

By juggalo2 | 15

#7892789 - Friday 27 March 2020 12:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway