By Anonymous - 26/3/2020 14:06

Creeped out

Today, I found out my husband only started to date me because he thinks I look like his daughter. She was 5 at that time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1832

You deserved it

124

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Walk on the wild side

Creepy

Thanks, I'm cured!

By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59291

You deserved it

6269

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By Anonymous

Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3864

You deserved it

259

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By Thepunchline - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37117

You deserved it

4200

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By cartrouble - United States

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39991

You deserved it

2834

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By ksgirl - United States

Today, the guy I have been in love with for years decided to tell me all about his women problems and how he can't find someone. After telling him I loved him he responds, "do you know if anyone else does?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48083

You deserved it

4025

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By tracie - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38508

You deserved it

4976

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By lovesucks - Australia

Today, I finally got the courage to go up and ask out the girl I have loved for a couple of months now. After she said yes, I was over the moon and ran home to tell my roommate. The next day, I saw her making out with another man. When I confronted her, she said "Oh, you were serious yesterday?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50976

You deserved it

4229

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16648

You deserved it

54499

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By Lilly - United States

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30825

You deserved it

4317

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By TCRII

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3386

You deserved it

369

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By "Jester94752"

Today, a co-worker who lives 30 minutes out of my way had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2255

You deserved it

143

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45254

You deserved it

5593

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By WarMachine68 - United States - Shawnee

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26113

You deserved it

2098

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By nitroman64 - United States

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15842

You deserved it

28194

Favorite

By GuiltByTenuousAssociation - United States

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41281

You deserved it

2811

Favorite

By mynoseburns - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36395

You deserved it

2646

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By vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38580

You deserved it

6345

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By Stella Grubner

Today, I chose a cute tank top and some shorts to wear. Later, I was shopping at Target with my dad when he pointed to a girl in the same isle and said to me, "Don't ever dress like that. It looks cute on her, but you couldn't pull it off." She was wearing shorts and a tank top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30074

You deserved it

4627

Favorite

By blinded - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56648

You deserved it

5042

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By Kayla - 16/1/2021 11:02 - United States - Wenatchee

Never name-drop

Today, I had a job interview. I have another job I want to leave, but haven't said anything yet. At the interview, I mentioned where I worked, and the interviewer name-dropped my manager. She then told me he was her step brother. So much for not wanting my manager to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

874

You deserved it

121

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By yikes - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32035

You deserved it

3753

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By jake - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20299

You deserved it

63169

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By lingadoo - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31927

You deserved it

4830

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By Whoops - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12420

You deserved it

36340

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By O__o - United States

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27592

You deserved it

3737

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By bobthenun - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42096

You deserved it

10730

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By Clogged Nose - 19/3/2020 02:32

Smells like teen spirit of America

Today, I had to train a new guy whose body odor was killing me. After he'd left, I had to run two industry size fans to blow the stench out of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1555

You deserved it

117

Favorite

By dragonstooth257

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. Ihe first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2698

You deserved it

556

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By KelseNM

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3213

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By bluten - Canada

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78693

You deserved it

30923

Favorite

By miss cranky pants - United States

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38314

You deserved it

4702

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was eating jell-o and was reading a fact website, when I read that gelatin is made from the collagen in cow or pig bones. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12484

You deserved it

67790

Favorite

By jm_track - United States

Today, to punish me for being hungover, my roommate blasted the bagpipe version of "Amazing Grace" through his stereo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14975

You deserved it

35313

Favorite

By sorry, kiddo - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53258

You deserved it

10120

Favorite

By Alaska - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21787

You deserved it

2494

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm a virgin and just wanted to take a peaceful nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34134

You deserved it

8527

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20972

You deserved it

29213

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By married life - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I had to explain to my husband why I was assuming that he was planning to attend my graduation ceremonies for my PhD next week. He still doesn't understand why he has to be there, and is pissed that he will miss his weekly pub crawl with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47442

You deserved it

5826

Favorite

By SadMother - United States - South Windsor

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50698

You deserved it

11857

Favorite

By telefucked - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32504

You deserved it

4201

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Top comments

By Aiden89 | 21

#7892562 - Thursday 26 March 2020 14:14

What the f***

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7892577 - Thursday 26 March 2020 15:54

Isn't Donald Trump married?

COMMENTS

By Aiden89 | 21

#7892562 - Thursday 26 March 2020 14:14

What the f***

RichardPencil | 29

#7892583 - Thursday 26 March 2020 16:23

On this site, you don't need to use asterisks. The slogan is "Fuck is our first name."

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7892577 - Thursday 26 March 2020 15:54

Isn't Donald Trump married?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7892578 - Thursday 26 March 2020 15:55

Do you also have to call him Daddy?

By sydthekid2000 | 5

#7892605 - Thursday 26 March 2020 19:25

Red flag!

By demix_fml | 32

#7892637 - Thursday 26 March 2020 21:28

Creepy

By Patrick Arthur | 1

#7892652 - Thursday 26 March 2020 23:07

I’m guessing it’s so she could pass as her mom in public...

WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7893449 - Monday 30 March 2020 2:59

Yeah I was thinking that too. This is one of those rare situations where she isn’t thinking deep enough into it

By daddycaitlin | 13

#7892658 - Thursday 26 March 2020 23:43

I hope it’s so you’d pass as the mom, if not, I’d get out now.

By Itsheragain | 9

#7892687 - Friday 27 March 2020 4:45

uhm..you need to RUN NOW

By jriley4u | 17

#7892729 - Friday 27 March 2020 7:25

Either way, your husband is weird.

By juggalo2 | 15

#7892789 - Friday 27 March 2020 12:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment