Love: Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 183

14/10/2013 16:02

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 694

You deserved it 6 114

This Charming Man

There's no helping some people

Our house, in the middle of our street

10/08/2016 15:32

Today, a customer made a huge scene at work because all of our reading glasses are made in China, and apparently any "moral" person should be repulsed by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 569

You deserved it 1 222

22/11/2009 01:33

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 458

You deserved it 4 632

25/06/2015 07:06

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 168

You deserved it 2 363

23/06/2019 22:45

Today, as I have been the past week, I've was sent to fix my coworker's fuck-ups in his new area, and help him out as I know it. I then needed help in his old area, and got told to suck it up and figure it out. I've been doing this a year, he's been doing it for 5 years FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 259

22/03/2009 13:04

Spicy

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 120

You deserved it 34 583

19/09/2014 15:30

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 458

You deserved it 5 233

14/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 124

16/03/2012 07:13

Today, my dad informed me that my prom dress makes me look chubby from the side, gives me "back fat", and that I wouldn't want to go to prom looking like that. I tried to ignore his hurtful comments and tell myself I was beautiful. Then the clasp broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 257

You deserved it 11 654

26/05/2014 11:37

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 438

You deserved it 5 844

24/10/2011 14:54

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 981

You deserved it 3 258

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 141

16/11/2013 00:10

Spicy

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 322

You deserved it 3 068

25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 689

You deserved it 955

28/03/2014 21:43

Today, my wife got her period. Every single time, she ends up asking me to go buy her some midol after a few days of trying to tough it out, so I decided to buy her some ahead of time. She reacted by yelling at me for treating her like a child and implying that she couldn't go buy it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 907

You deserved it 5 070

18/04/2012 20:41

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 382

You deserved it 5 517

I don't understand!

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 592

05/06/2016 18:26

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 651

You deserved it 1 371

13/03/2016 00:13

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 965

You deserved it 1 374

11/04/2014 21:58

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 085

You deserved it 3 340

TMI

By Autumn - 18/12/2017 01:30

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 204

You deserved it 402

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 07:58

Today, I found out I make less money than the temps at my job by over 2 dollars an hour. I've been working there the longest and do 75% of the job myself. I was told, "We'll think about it" when talking to upper management about getting equal pay or close to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 86

25/01/2012 18:33

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 864

You deserved it 5 645

I heard that

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 09:20

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that, "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 193

You deserved it 4 480

25/07/2010 06:13

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 487

You deserved it 6 737

Charming

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 23:00

Today, my chunky boyfriend told me that he'd be less attracted to me if I gained weight. I have low self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 102

18/06/2016 14:09

Spicy

Today, I got really horny during a 10 hour shift, so I snuck into a storage room and relieved myself. Then as I went to leave the room, I noticed the security camera above the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 001

You deserved it 25 160

Mean meanie

By yeah uh huh - 15/06/2021 21:00

Today, my stepmother, an uncontrolled diabetic who refuses to change her abhorrent eating habits, berated me for how "mean" I am for limiting my kids’ junk food, and making them eat a portion of vegetables with every meal. Yeah, real mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 56

18/03/2019 02:00

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 336

You deserved it 194

20/05/2018 01:30

Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 976

You deserved it 540

Feu Orange

By Farty - 02/09/2021 19:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 238

Too real

By ann - 05/06/2021 14:00

Today, my daughter complained that she no longer wanted to talk about poop, as it grosses her out. This is a girl who can eat a rare steak while watching a guy’s arms get hacked off on TV, but poop is where she draws the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 694

22/12/2014 18:40

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 161

You deserved it 3 202

11/06/2011 06:37

Spicy

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 828

You deserved it 3 467

11/01/2013 08:03

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 2 920

25/09/2015 05:42

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 599

You deserved it 2 708

05/11/2011 23:35

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 328

You deserved it 3 786

30/04/2009 12:15

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112 790

You deserved it 18 504

04/02/2010 18:28

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 918

You deserved it 4 872

The Summoner

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 05:02

Today, I've lived in my apartment for over 5 years with no bugs, as I'm phobic of them. I broke up with my ex, who smirked at me and declared war. I now have thousands of roaches that I can't get rid of. Coincidence? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 124

06/02/2013 11:12

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 503

You deserved it 36 032

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Top comments

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

Well you were almost sitting in a tree K I S S I N G

emirie 21

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

I hope the tree wasn't too tall.

Comments

emirie 21

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

I hope the tree wasn't too tall.

tanekdrachonae 19

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:49

Cheer up OP, he may think it was worth it. :-)

YoureABuzzkill 9

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:53

Your kiss was so fantastic that you blew him away, right out of the tree.

\ 28

Monday 14 October 2013 23:25

I'm happy to hear and surprised that people still do romantic things like this. I thought they became anachronisms

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Monday 14 October 2013 23:55

Am I a bad person for hoping the tree was moderately tall?

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 0:38

It's like straight out of a cheesy romantic comedy!

klovemachine 24

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 8:07

Love hurts sometimes

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 10:23

Yes.

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Thursday 17 October 2013 8:19

Wow must have been some kiss

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 12:42

Obviously her kiss stumped him

XAndrea_MalikX 16

Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

Aww !! I hope he's ok and did he jump to get away from you ? Because if he did that's horrible !

Llama_Face89 33

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:49

Probably just surprise.

fucMyLifeSoHard 18

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Monday 14 October 2013 23:43

#2 It said fell not jumped.

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Wednesday 16 October 2013 23:34

BITCH ALERT! BITCH ALERT!

obiewankenobi 1

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

There should be a "his life sucks" option

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 1:23

Seriously. Op could have paralyzed him.

TheBrightSide00 16

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 4:19

Yes...because OP is an evil genius and has mastered the kiss of death.

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 6:02

Uh people fall off little ladders all the time and break their necks. It's not that funny. Some "little" accident changing someone's life

sicksadworld1317 30

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 11:29

@98- You do have a valid point. I had a friend in elementary school who was sitting on the hood of a car one day and fell. The way she hit her head took her out of this world- it was a freaky thing. Thing is though, it's life. We fall down and go boom even as adults, and luckily there usually isn't serious damage. I believe the general rule is if no one got injured, it's ok to laugh; and since this made it to FML I thing we're in the clear :)

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 20:02

Gravety, it's the one law we all have to follow.

XanderScythe 11

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Wednesday 16 October 2013 4:36

I wish that grammar is a law which we all have to follow...

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

You must be stunning.

AnOriginalName 19

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 0:05

No, but she is drop-dead gorgeous.

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 2:04

He fell for her

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 5:57

He got paralyzed by her beauty.

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

Well you were almost sitting in a tree K I S S I N G

MidnightMadness 8

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:58

haha this made me giggle

\ 28

Monday 14 October 2013 23:27

more like F-A-L-L-I-N-G

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 6:12

Lol I laughed at this comment :) But to OP I hope he's okay

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:34

All fun and games until someone falls out of the tree..

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:34

That's one hell of a kiss

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 3:23

For real. This is romance movie status right here. Absolutely adorable. I hope he isn't hurt!

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Tuesday 15 October 2013 16:36

Kiss of death mwahaha

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:34

He fell for you like the apple fell for Isaac Newton.

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:34

He was falling for you

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:49

I see what you did there lol

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Monday 14 October 2013 23:07

More like falling from her.

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Monday 14 October 2013 23:29

29, we all did.

helloboyzder 13

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Monday 14 October 2013 22:34

Oh shit...I really hope he's okay!