Love: Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree...

By lovehurts - United States - Wayne

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

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Love

Instadrama

I blame the parents

A new enemy

By mushroomtop

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

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By cadillacfrank - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

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By MCForty - United States - Charlotte

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

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By Grrrrr - United States

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

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By JoseIsAdork - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

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By KelseNM

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

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By that kind of girl - Canada - Mississauga

Price of love

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

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By fired - United States - Portland

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

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By over prtective father - United States - Washington

Today, it became apparent that my father knows more about my boyfriend than I do because he spends so much time interrogating him. FML

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By stickyservice - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

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By wow - United States - Portland

Let's do this again!

Today, for the first time in months, my best friend agreed to hang out with me. After waiting, three hours for him to show up, I called to see what was taking him so long. He told me he couldn't come because he needed to get a haircut. FML

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By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

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6626

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

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By M. Moore

Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML

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2017

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By Crap - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

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By newlyneurotic - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

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By retail hell - United States - Waterbury

Today, a customer berated me and told me to stop whining because I have to work on the weekend. What did I do to deserve this? I said, "Hi, how are you doing today?" FML

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By 919191 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

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40336

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By espylone - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

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By msamberjade - United States - Columbus

New movie

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Crawley

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

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By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

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1609

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By pst - South Africa

We need a break

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

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By bird problems - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

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By m - United States

Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML

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41645

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By Brown345 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

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21187

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By Username - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

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30221

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

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15034

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By idiotfucks - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

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122145

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By GrandmaShakers - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

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40465

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By Iwasjustmovingout

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Clearwater

Today, I found out my coworker was arrested for beating the crap out of his wife. I gave him a serious pep talk yesterday where I told him to stop taking her shit and start standing up for himself. FML

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By lil123 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

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By HowAreYouAlive - United States - Ashburn

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

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By LucklessNiceGuy - United States

Today, I was fired from my job on account of "sexual harassment" toward female employees. The harassment? Jokingly offering them foot massages when they were complaining about how their feet ached after a long shift, and complimenting them about their appearance when they felt down. FML

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Top comments

By AhouKaho | 11

#5716324 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

Well you were almost sitting in a tree K I S S I N G

By emirie | 21

#5716319 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

I hope the tree wasn't too tall.

COMMENTS

By emirie | 21

#5716319 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

I hope the tree wasn't too tall.

tanekdrachonae | 19

#5716351 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:49

Cheer up OP, he may think it was worth it. :-)

YoureABuzzkill | 9

#5716360 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:53

Your kiss was so fantastic that you blew him away, right out of the tree.

\ | 28

#5716411 - Monday 14 October 2013 23:25

I'm happy to hear and surprised that people still do romantic things like this. I thought they became anachronisms

OzzMonster | 10

#5716439 - Monday 14 October 2013 23:55

Am I a bad person for hoping the tree was moderately tall?

EduJav321 | 24

#5716502 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 0:38

It's like straight out of a cheesy romantic comedy!

klovemachine | 24

#5716840 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 8:07

Love hurts sometimes

BrotherPhil | 32

#5716907 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 10:23

Yes.

Bcfrmkc816 | 17

#5719377 - Thursday 17 October 2013 8:19

Wow must have been some kiss

aimzskee | 30

#6001612 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 12:42

Obviously her kiss stumped him

By XAndrea_MalikX | 16

#5716320 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

Aww !! I hope he's ok and did he jump to get away from you ? Because if he did that's horrible !

Llama_Face89 | 33

#5716352 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:49

Probably just surprise.

fucMyLifeSoHard | 18

#5716434 - Monday 14 October 2013 23:43

#2 It said fell not jumped.

qwapteam | 8

#5718931 - Wednesday 16 October 2013 23:34

BITCH ALERT! BITCH ALERT!

By obiewankenobi | 1

#5716322 - Monday 14 October 2013 22:33

There should be a "his life sucks" option

skitsmuffin | 6

#5716550 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 1:23

Seriously. Op could have paralyzed him.

TheBrightSide00 | 16

#5716674 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 4:19

Yes...because OP is an evil genius and has mastered the kiss of death.

skitsmuffin | 6

#5716779 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 6:02

Uh people fall off little ladders all the time and break their necks. It's not that funny. Some "little" accident changing someone's life

sicksadworld1317 | 30

#5716935 - Tuesday 15 October 2013 11:29

@98- You do have a valid point. I had a friend in elementary school who was sitting on the hood of a car one day and fell. The way she hit her head took her out of this world- it was a freaky thing.

Thing is though, it's life. We fall down and go boom even as adults, and luckily there usually isn't serious damage. I believe the general rule is if no one got injured, it's ok to laugh; and since this made it to FML I thing we're in the clear :)