Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Intense

Modernity

By AnnaNick - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for "lack of work". What that means is that my boss hired his good-for-nothing lazy son, who then got too big of a mortgage, and he had to let me go to pay him a higher salary. FML

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By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

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By danny5191 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a nasty cough, but I went to college anyway. When I walked into class, I could practically smell menstrual blood in the air. After a few coughs, our instructor gave me an "Oh, shut up!" After half an hour, she kicked me out for not "taking the class seriously". FML

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By maddengirl12 - United States

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

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By Anunimos - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I found out my best friend's girlfriend is cheating on him with his own brother. I went over to his place and told him everything while his girlfriend was in the same room. He called me a jealous liar who wanted to break them up, and kicked me out while she looked on, smirking. FML

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By Rojo

Today, I was notified that my work is cutting my pay almost in half. I just renewed my long-term lease on an expensive apartment because I was able to afford it before this morning. Now I have no idea how I’m going to pay for it. FML

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By bestiality? do I look like a pig? - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML

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By Annakins - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

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By ew - United States - Garland

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriends mom walked in on us having sex. She is partially blind so she couldn’t tell what was going on. She had a full conversation while he was still inside me. FML

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By StabStab - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

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By augh

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

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By gibbette - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his buddies that the main reason he got into video game modding was so he could put a virtual version of me in his games and "shoot the fuck out of that bitch". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

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By testacular - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Bad blow job

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

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By thxmom - United States - West Jordan

Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML

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By really? - United States

Today, while at a concert, my boyfriend got mad and jealous because I kept looking at the singer instead of him. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By Acu7519

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

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By Babygirl - France

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

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By tbw - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

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By idiot - United States - Wausau

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mahwah

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

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By samabomination - United States - Monroeville

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

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By pumpkinbutt - France

Today, I hurried into the bank to cash in the $5,000 check my grandparents had given me for college money. I found out that instead of my name, they wrote 'our sweet iddle pumpkinbutt'. I couldn't make eye contact with anyone after. FML

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By Alaska - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Princeton

Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

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By katgib13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

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By It's Something - United States - Toledo

Welcome to retail.

Today, I finally got a new job. Now, instead of dealing with trashy, rude young adults all day, I get to deal with self-entitled, berating old people all day. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

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By whoknows?! - France

Today, I decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML

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Top comments

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

COMMENTS

By thatgirlc | 10

#6023163 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:37

haha lol

Reply

zoeloringfuleki | 9

#6023219 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:42

So inspiring!

Reply

Rosebush10 | 8

#6023525 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 19:35

Honestly that was kinda a wasted first comment.

Reply

Insertnamesz | 3

#6023558 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 20:07

And that matters because? Man commenters on this site are so judgemental

Reply

xxrogerthatxx | 19

#6023595 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:10

Yes it does matter. We (fml commentators) don't want to read nonsense on fml.

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6023186 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:00

True true. Life can still be a beach sometimes though.

Reply

MissStephanie | 10

#6023227 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:56

But then, I ripped my pants

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023411 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:57

I remember my bottoms fell off in the lake and my crush went and rescued my bikini. While my girlfriends surrounded me in the water. I hope he didn't look up from underwater.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#6023597 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:13

If he didn't, it's probably because he's also crushing on a guy.

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023828 - Thursday 31 July 2014 4:34

Well then, I guess it is okay because I wax. Wait...I feel more embarrassed now.

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

Reply

zBLAKEz | 23

#6023187 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:01

That sounds like a really weird fetish. Considering that I've heard of vomit and blood fetishes though, a sand one actually seems possible.

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6023207 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:34

#17 what makes your comment even more disturbing is your profile picture.

By Cass_x | 22

#6023167 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:40

I'm sure the both of you will be able to think back and laugh at that moment in a while (: don't worry!

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6023390 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:47

I hope they have this on camera, I can so picture this in slow motion. It sounds like a perfect romantic comedy.

By GatherTheMice | 15

#6023169 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:41

A beautiful Kodak moment

By CrikOgresmasher | 19

#6023171 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

I'm not a guy but I'd imagine he enjoyed helping you up

Reply

Nexoux | 18

#6023192 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:06

I'm a guy and I approve of your imagination.

Reply

JBChristian | 46

#6023276 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:51

Now let's not get to political, lol.

By mete_orito | 34

#6023172 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

If he was chasing after you, it means something, uh? If he is a nice guy he will understand, but probably laugh first. :-P

By IvyOswin | 17

#6023174 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:43

Could happen to anyone. Shake it off, laugh, and carry on. He might think it's cute how you recover from the trip.

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#6023190 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:03

#8 I can't help but notice how you're talking as if OP could do as you suggested after it already happened. :P

Reply

Garrison21 | 11

#6023265 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:28

Ya do the bend and snap move... That will turn things around real quick

Reply

Uglyfeet | 23

#6023327 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 15:05

OP may well be still on the ground waiting for our suggestions about how to deal with the situation #19

By A07 | 48

#6023177 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:46

Simply beautiful.

By junkman6 | 22

#6023179 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:47

I have to be that guy... In moderation it said 15 ft on my face down the beach.... And honestly if it was 15ft I would have given you an award for skimboarding with your face.