Love: Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

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BO Central

Roommate from hell

Get the message, dude

By MadameM - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 08:09

What did I do?

Today, 48 hours after my boyfriend introduced me to his friend group so I could make new friends and I'd joined their group chat, two long-term couples have broken up and left without any explanation. FML

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By herestowaiting - United States - Detroit

Today, I'm officially a week overdue. I went to the hospital, thinking I was in labor since I was in so much pain. Turns out it was just gas. The nurse couldn't hold back her look of pity as she told me this. FML

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By Tomatoe Face - United States - Antioch

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

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By sadmommy - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

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By dpap - United States - Waukee

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

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By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

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By failed brood mare - United States - Hollywood

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

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By Suomynona - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

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By stupidboss - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

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By brawl y’all - 31/10/2020 09:04 - United States

Some winners…

Today, what started as a family gathering turned into an all-out brawl. I saw my son’s wife punch him, so I hit her. Her mom and sister jumped me. My husband was pulling them off when the other husband thought he was attacking them and jumped in, so my son jumped in as well. We won, at least. FML

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By Allen - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

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By FennFoxx - United States - Cheraw

Today, I decided to take a relaxing bubble bath in my jacuzzi. I poured in the bubbles, turned on the jets, and got in. I realized too late that the jets had caused the bubbles to overflow and had made a huge mess in my bathroom. Relaxing, indeed. FML

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By csc4lyfe09 - United States

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

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By sicufovoshxbsjdk - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

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By ShowerStar - United States - Mequon

Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chelan

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

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By ari

Today, while on a road trip, I went to the bathroom at a gas station and locked the door. Turns out the lock was automatic and I'd actually unlocked it. My mom walked in on me, but instead of apologizing and leaving, she yelled at me in the middle of the gas station. FML

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By heterolifepartner - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By Worst Way To Get Promoted

Promoted!

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 08:08

Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2020 02:02

Higher standards

Today, my mom fought with me again for missing an "important" 4th of July family barbecue. I was working until the morning, finishing grad school applications. There are always family events, and also apparently my brother missing the same barbecue to party with friends is perfectly fine. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I began writing thank-you cards for the gifts I got for my 21st birthday. To one set of grandparents, I wrote, "Thank you for the dancing chicken toy," and to the others I wrote, "Thank you for the $10 check." Those were the only gifts. FML

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By JStein - United States - Hampshire

Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML

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By reesemaster - United States

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

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By Sarah - United States

Today, I belched. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML

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By pussyOUT - United States

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

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By cutiepatootie - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

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By and she doesn't even give bjs - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

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By fuckedalready - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

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By what the fuck - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

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By Sacha - 19/1/2021 08:01 - Canada

When nature calls

Today, while I was working in a grocery store, a costumer decide to take a dump on the ground after I told him he couldn’t access to restrooms because my boss closed them due to COVID restrictions. FML

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Top comments

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

COMMENTS

By thatgirlc | 10

#6023163 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:37

haha lol

Reply

zoeloringfuleki | 9

#6023219 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:42

So inspiring!

Reply

Rosebush10 | 8

#6023525 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 19:35

Honestly that was kinda a wasted first comment.

Reply

Insertnamesz | 3

#6023558 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 20:07

And that matters because? Man commenters on this site are so judgemental

Reply

xxrogerthatxx | 19

#6023595 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:10

Yes it does matter. We (fml commentators) don't want to read nonsense on fml.

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6023186 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:00

True true. Life can still be a beach sometimes though.

Reply

MissStephanie | 10

#6023227 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:56

But then, I ripped my pants

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023411 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:57

I remember my bottoms fell off in the lake and my crush went and rescued my bikini. While my girlfriends surrounded me in the water. I hope he didn't look up from underwater.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 38

#6023597 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:13

If he didn't, it's probably because he's also crushing on a guy.

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023828 - Thursday 31 July 2014 4:34

Well then, I guess it is okay because I wax. Wait...I feel more embarrassed now.

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

Reply

zBLAKEz | 23

#6023187 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:01

That sounds like a really weird fetish. Considering that I've heard of vomit and blood fetishes though, a sand one actually seems possible.

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6023207 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:34

#17 what makes your comment even more disturbing is your profile picture.

By Cass_x | 22

#6023167 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:40

I'm sure the both of you will be able to think back and laugh at that moment in a while (: don't worry!

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6023390 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:47

I hope they have this on camera, I can so picture this in slow motion. It sounds like a perfect romantic comedy.

By GatherTheMice | 15

#6023169 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:41

A beautiful Kodak moment

By CrikOgresmasher | 19

#6023171 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

I'm not a guy but I'd imagine he enjoyed helping you up

Reply

Nexoux | 18

#6023192 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:06

I'm a guy and I approve of your imagination.

Reply

JBChristian | 46

#6023276 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:51

Now let's not get to political, lol.

By mete_orito | 34

#6023172 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

If he was chasing after you, it means something, uh? If he is a nice guy he will understand, but probably laugh first. :-P

By IvyOswin | 17

#6023174 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:43

Could happen to anyone. Shake it off, laugh, and carry on. He might think it's cute how you recover from the trip.

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#6023190 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:03

#8 I can't help but notice how you're talking as if OP could do as you suggested after it already happened. :P

Reply

Garrison21 | 11

#6023265 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:28

Ya do the bend and snap move... That will turn things around real quick

Reply

Uglyfeet | 23

#6023327 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 15:05

OP may well be still on the ground waiting for our suggestions about how to deal with the situation #19

By A07 | 48

#6023177 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:46

Simply beautiful.

By junkman6 | 22

#6023179 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:47

I have to be that guy... In moderation it said 15 ft on my face down the beach.... And honestly if it was 15ft I would have given you an award for skimboarding with your face.