Love: Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including... - FML

By anonymous - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

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You tried

Taking stock

Time for the dentist

By James - 31/1/2021 20:00

Noise annoys

Today, I was apparently too noisy when I left for work. My options are either try to be more quiet when I leave or set my alarm later and then have no time for breakfast. I share a room with my nephew and I walk to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Because I'm worth it

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

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By Rafiki - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

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By Somethingswrongwiththispic - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

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By Broon - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

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By novacabudsforme - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

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By nutsucker - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:03 - United States - Kenton

Thanks, mom

Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2021 05:59

One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall!

Today, my husband pre-ordered $500 worth of Transformers figures. We're supposed to be trying to save up for a house. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I fell over a wet floor sign warning you not to fall over. The irony hurt more than the fall. FML

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By awkwardsituation - United States

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

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By PerfectVision - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

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By butterbody - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

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By gimp. - United States

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

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By Class - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

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By danny

Today, while working at a chain restaurant, I forgot to charge someone a few dollars for extra toppings on the side. My stingy boss took the time to take that money out of my paycheck. FML

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By Omydayz - United States - Fremont

Today, after telling a friend I was contemplating asking a girl to prom, my friend took my phone, told me to have some balls, and texted the girl asking her to prom. She said no, because I asked her over text instead of in person. She refuses to believe I didn't send the text. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - Bulgaria - Batanovci

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Thanks

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML

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By ryan and Zack - United States

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

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By hatemyboss - United States - Alameda

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

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By harambae - United States - La Grange

Today, I accidentally mooed during sex. FML

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By Sickasadog - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML

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By

So romantic!

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

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By single again - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

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By anon - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

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By UglyGirl - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

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By Ben Moy - 2/2/2021 07:57 - United States - Wallingford

Once bitten…

Today, after worrying for years about grinding my teeth after various dentists mentioned seeing evidence. Apparently, this worry manifested as subconsciously putting my tongue in the way at night, to the point where I have an open bite at 39 when I never had a problem before. I can't bite through sushi or sandwiches. FML

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By Mikaela - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

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By CantPublish - United States

Today, during swimming in PE, I kept noticing a stinging feeling on my scrotum. Every time I jumped into the water I would feel a sharp stab. After the full hour of hell, I went to the bathroom and looked in my new trunks. The designer had left their sewing needle in the crotch netting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irving

Today, I was at Petsmart with my puppy. Someone tried to pet him. I tried to warn the guy that he is a rescue and doesn't trust easily. He didn't listen and now wants to sue me for a dog bite that didn't even break the skin. FML

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By overdriven07 - United States

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

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By Mondo - United States

Today, an old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37-year-old man. FML

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By peace out - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

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By confused - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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Top comments

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

COMMENTS

By thatgirlc | 10

#6023163 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:37

haha lol

Reply

zoeloringfuleki | 9

#6023219 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:42

So inspiring!

Reply

Rosebush10 | 8

#6023525 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 19:35

Honestly that was kinda a wasted first comment.

Reply

Insertnamesz | 3

#6023558 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 20:07

And that matters because? Man commenters on this site are so judgemental

Reply

xxrogerthatxx | 19

#6023595 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:10

Yes it does matter. We (fml commentators) don't want to read nonsense on fml.

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6023186 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:00

True true. Life can still be a beach sometimes though.

Reply

MissStephanie | 10

#6023227 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:56

But then, I ripped my pants

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023411 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:57

I remember my bottoms fell off in the lake and my crush went and rescued my bikini. While my girlfriends surrounded me in the water. I hope he didn't look up from underwater.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 39

#6023597 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:13

If he didn't, it's probably because he's also crushing on a guy.

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023828 - Thursday 31 July 2014 4:34

Well then, I guess it is okay because I wax. Wait...I feel more embarrassed now.

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

Reply

zBLAKEz | 23

#6023187 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:01

That sounds like a really weird fetish. Considering that I've heard of vomit and blood fetishes though, a sand one actually seems possible.

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6023207 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:34

#17 what makes your comment even more disturbing is your profile picture.

By Cass_x | 22

#6023167 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:40

I'm sure the both of you will be able to think back and laugh at that moment in a while (: don't worry!

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6023390 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:47

I hope they have this on camera, I can so picture this in slow motion. It sounds like a perfect romantic comedy.

By GatherTheMice | 15

#6023169 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:41

A beautiful Kodak moment

By CrikOgresmasher | 19

#6023171 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

I'm not a guy but I'd imagine he enjoyed helping you up

Reply

Nexoux | 18

#6023192 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:06

I'm a guy and I approve of your imagination.

Reply

JBChristian | 46

#6023276 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:51

Now let's not get to political, lol.

By mete_orito | 34

#6023172 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

If he was chasing after you, it means something, uh? If he is a nice guy he will understand, but probably laugh first. :-P

By IvyOswin | 17

#6023174 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:43

Could happen to anyone. Shake it off, laugh, and carry on. He might think it's cute how you recover from the trip.

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#6023190 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:03

#8 I can't help but notice how you're talking as if OP could do as you suggested after it already happened. :P

Reply

Garrison21 | 11

#6023265 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:28

Ya do the bend and snap move... That will turn things around real quick

Reply

Uglyfeet | 23

#6023327 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 15:05

OP may well be still on the ground waiting for our suggestions about how to deal with the situation #19

By A07 | 48

#6023177 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:46

Simply beautiful.

By junkman6 | 22

#6023179 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:47

I have to be that guy... In moderation it said 15 ft on my face down the beach.... And honestly if it was 15ft I would have given you an award for skimboarding with your face.