Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including... - FML

By anonymous - 30/7/2014 02:36 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

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Banished

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 01:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

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By Zanna - 23/3/2017 12:00

Today, a job candidate I was interviewing took a drink of water, and let it dribble down her chin and shirt while making fixed eye contact with me. FML

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By damn it rose - 31/5/2014 13:40 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

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By Anna - 11/10/2019 06:00

Great, some ice cream!

Today, after three years of working at my current occupation, they decided to give me a bonus for all of my hard work and effort. A 5$ gift card to Cold Stone. FML

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By "The Cat Tickler" - 11/5/2019 16:00

Today, I took a flight from Seattle to Oregon but missed my flight back home to California because the flight attendant came in late and delayed our flight take off time. Then I was told the only way to get California was to go back to Seattle and fly to California from there. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

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By cold-n-stinky - 12/1/2010 06:30 - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

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By almost_a_pro - 23/4/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

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By imsorrylove - 31/3/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

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By weliveanddie14 - 7/5/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

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By anon - 26/12/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

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By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

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By RatCityChick - 27/6/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

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By Jade - 25/4/2011 13:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

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By Nicole - 3/4/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

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By Sean - 10/6/2013 02:27 - United States

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

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By stdpositivenow - 18/10/2011 14:16 - United States

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

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By mathguy - 3/5/2012 12:16 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML

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By bthms - 31/1/2010 14:46 - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

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By beachbumb8538 - 15/7/2011 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 01:24 - United States

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

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By pregnant loser apparently - 20/5/2013 04:31 - United States - Franklin

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

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By baffled - 22/8/2012 20:36 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

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By Fish - 19/3/2009 15:47 - United Arab Emirates

Today, we were hanging around the pool with a couple of friends and a crush of mine. Thinking I would be able to impress her with a well performed dive of the diving board, I go up and attempt my best dive. I slip just as I jump and hit my head on the board. I had to be saved by the lifeguard. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

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By mel - 25/3/2016 13:20 - United States - Smithville

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

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By evilplatypus - 11/2/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

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By thanksmom - 1/5/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

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By Eggs - 15/11/2013 05:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

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By Unsanitary - 26/6/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

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By inappropes - 8/7/2019 14:00

Start your Monday with a Song!

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

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By brileyyyy - 12/1/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 05:02

The urge

Today, I realised why I’m so irritable these days. My former flatmate smoked so many cigarettes that, now he’s moved out and taken the smoke with him, I’m going through nicotine withdrawal. I realised this after I saw cigarettes in a shop and couldn’t stop staring at them. FML

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By Butqhy - 30/6/2016 11:07

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

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By terdberglerforlyfe - 7/12/2014 20:54 - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

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By fuckingcool - 6/6/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By Loser - 1/11/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2009 14:09 - United States

Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML

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Top comments

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

COMMENTS

By thatgirlc | 10

#6023163 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:37

haha lol

Reply

zoeloringfuleki | 9

#6023219 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:42

So inspiring!

Reply

Rosebush10 | 8

#6023525 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 19:35

Honestly that was kinda a wasted first comment.

Reply

Insertnamesz | 3

#6023558 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 20:07

And that matters because? Man commenters on this site are so judgemental

Reply

xxrogerthatxx | 19

#6023595 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:10

Yes it does matter. We (fml commentators) don't want to read nonsense on fml.

By cakelol | 9

#6023164 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:38

Well, at least you didn't rip your swimsuit as well.
Could have been worse ;)

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6023186 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:00

True true. Life can still be a beach sometimes though.

Reply

MissStephanie | 10

#6023227 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:56

But then, I ripped my pants

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023411 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:57

I remember my bottoms fell off in the lake and my crush went and rescued my bikini. While my girlfriends surrounded me in the water. I hope he didn't look up from underwater.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#6023597 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 21:13

If he didn't, it's probably because he's also crushing on a guy.

Reply

Chibi_Kitten | 24

#6023828 - Thursday 31 July 2014 4:34

Well then, I guess it is okay because I wax. Wait...I feel more embarrassed now.

By UnicornWine | 22

#6023165 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:39

It's okay, just tell him you became too excited to feel the sand between your toes and wanted it all over your body.

Reply

zBLAKEz | 23

#6023187 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:01

That sounds like a really weird fetish. Considering that I've heard of vomit and blood fetishes though, a sand one actually seems possible.

Reply

SweetasCandy0609 | 28

#6023207 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:34

#17 what makes your comment even more disturbing is your profile picture.

By Cass_x | 22

#6023167 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:40

I'm sure the both of you will be able to think back and laugh at that moment in a while (: don't worry!

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6023390 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 16:47

I hope they have this on camera, I can so picture this in slow motion. It sounds like a perfect romantic comedy.

By GatherTheMice | 15

#6023169 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:41

A beautiful Kodak moment

By CrikOgresmasher | 19

#6023171 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

I'm not a guy but I'd imagine he enjoyed helping you up

Reply

Nexoux | 18

#6023192 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:06

I'm a guy and I approve of your imagination.

Reply

JBChristian | 46

#6023276 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:51

Now let's not get to political, lol.

By mete_orito | 34

#6023172 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:42

If he was chasing after you, it means something, uh? If he is a nice guy he will understand, but probably laugh first. :-P

By IvyOswin | 17

#6023174 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:43

Could happen to anyone. Shake it off, laugh, and carry on. He might think it's cute how you recover from the trip.

Reply

zinoxity | 23

#6023190 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 10:03

#8 I can't help but notice how you're talking as if OP could do as you suggested after it already happened. :P

Reply

Garrison21 | 11

#6023265 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 12:28

Ya do the bend and snap move... That will turn things around real quick

Reply

Uglyfeet | 23

#6023327 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 15:05

OP may well be still on the ground waiting for our suggestions about how to deal with the situation #19

By A07 | 48

#6023177 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:46

Simply beautiful.

By junkman6 | 22

#6023179 - Wednesday 30 July 2014 9:47

I have to be that guy... In moderation it said 15 ft on my face down the beach.... And honestly if it was 15ft I would have given you an award for skimboarding with your face.