Love: Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 1 476

23/08/2009 11:00

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 321

You deserved it 3 886

The smell detective is on the case

Weird reason to leave, but OK

We need to know more!

Thanks Felicia

By Aric - 08/10/2020 05:01

Today, I arrived at the airport two and a half hours early because I was expecting it to be busy. The line was long but I had plenty of time, until a woman complained about a fee for checked bags. I was next in line, and still managed to miss my flight because the woman caused such a big scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 83

10/12/2009 20:38

Today, was my birthday. I have been heavily hinting that I want an iPhone. I opened my present from my parents and found an iPhone box. Ecstatic, I quickly opened it. Apparently, my parents thought it would be funny to wrap my present, a $10 iTunes gift card, in the box my Dad's iPhone came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 212

You deserved it 8 444

18/06/2010 07:18

Spicy

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 238

You deserved it 38 641

30/09/2012 17:57

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 401

You deserved it 31 147

09/09/2011 00:34

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 942

You deserved it 5 004

22/03/2009 17:14

Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257 197

You deserved it 17 658

23/10/2010 13:15

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 626

You deserved it 13 860

Triple Dog Dare

By MiserableGradStudent - 11/12/2017 01:30

Today, I was teaching my microbiology lab class as a graduate TA. Some dumbass frat boy dared his friend to drink a tube of E. coli and the idiot did it. Now everything in the lab is contaminated with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 820

You deserved it 345

06/06/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 100

You deserved it 1 345

16/11/2013 00:10

Spicy

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 322

You deserved it 3 068

25/05/2009 04:14

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 57 160

13/10/2010 04:12

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 501

You deserved it 3 851

22/03/2012 01:50

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 323

You deserved it 3 815

Balls up

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 12:01

Today, I woke up at 2 p.m. to realise I'd slept through all of my alarms and missed my really big presentation at university, all because I was up most of the night with food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 150

27/01/2012 22:03

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 3 895

08/03/2009 18:10

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 945

You deserved it 4 943

18/01/2013 23:18

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 940

You deserved it 3 110

20/04/2016 23:17

Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 705

You deserved it 7 122

24/05/2014 00:09

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 215

You deserved it 3 384

14/04/2011 18:28

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 025

You deserved it 4 507

02/05/2014 19:51

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 675

You deserved it 4 438

18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 421

You deserved it 766

13/03/2010 07:18

Today, I was on a first date. When the bill came, he refused to pay for my $6 salad. I had to go ATM-hunting to pay for my $6 salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 008

You deserved it 13 212

29/03/2012 18:29

Today, my house caught on fire. The firefighters said that it was caused by a lit cigarette on the carpet. I don't smoke, but apparently my 13 year-old son does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 365

You deserved it 3 914

Sleeping together is exhausting

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I realized how hard it is to get a good night's sleep next to each other when we both fell asleep watching John Wick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 150

26/05/2016 20:27

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 114

You deserved it 2 690

06/10/2012 05:57

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 814

You deserved it 2 347

Targeted

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 10:01

Today, the neighbor's dog has been barking for over 5 hours. It is barking directly at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 88

NFL 2020

By boredbymyself - 17/09/2020 14:01

Today, it was the first game of 2020 Notre Dame football. My boyfriend’s family are huge fans and were upset because they weren’t doing well. When I left to get snacks for everyone, Notre Dame finally started playing better. I’ve been sent to the kitchen until further notice, because apparently I’m “bad luck”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 162

24/04/2019 19:00

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Insane click. He’s just as in love with me. He’s also got a condition I research in my job. It’s literally unethical for us to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 391

You deserved it 309

27/05/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 128

03/01/2014 11:03

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 839

You deserved it 5 286

06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 10 295

22/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out two of my rats are pregnant. The breeder told us that all of them were male, only one ended up being male. I now have 20+ rat babies on the way and no idea how to take care of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 710

You deserved it 689

29/10/2009 04:15

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 3 331

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 08:01

Today, I had the best date I've had in my life, until after we ate and split an expensive dinner out, we came back to my place and she then told me she was homeless, and wasn't looking to date but for a couch to crash on. She won't leave. Happy fucking New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 262

Don't date coworkers

By Pastrygirl - 11/07/2016 22:00

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 884

28/09/2009 03:16

Spicy

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 950

You deserved it 3 860

06/09/2015 12:46

Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 565

You deserved it 2 750

Too soon

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:22

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 153

You deserved it 7 900

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:04

dont worry he sounds like an ass

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:09

its odd...it seems like every normal girl seems to like guys who are just jackasses. i dont understand that at all... FYL =(

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:04

dont worry he sounds like an ass

wingedspiritus 0

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 21:21

No, he doesn't sound like an ass. He sounds like a friend who invited her to stare at the stars with him. For some reason the OP thought he was already for her? She assumed, and she was wrong. I highly doubt the dude left her there and went home, that would be pretty rude and I wouldn't try to continue to get in a relationship with him lol. I understand you like him a lot.. But that doesn't mean he likes you the same way. :/

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 21:26

either way... he still sound like an ass

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 22:20

I'm disagreeing that he's that much of an ass, because what he did isn't that big of a deal. OP: And then what? Your dog died? You saw your dad making out with someone not your mom? The wrong cat got taken to put down? I'm just looking for the bad in the story. Change your clothes, don't lay in wet grass again and forget about the guy.

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 22:39

I would say he's sort of an ass for ditching her, either way. But I do agree OP was presumptuous in her belief.

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 23:33

LOVE your life for getting away from such a nasty dirty jerk before you got any more invested!

Send a private message

Monday 24 August 2009 1:35

He's an ass because he just left her there...

Send a private message

Monday 24 August 2009 7:22

LKJASDFLKJ STOP IT. STOP RUINING FMLS SERIOUSLY. i hate this!!! people just post their fmls. and then someone comments, either trying to support them, or be funny then some ONE ALWAYS HAS TO RUIN IT. STOPTPTOPTOTOTOPPPP!!!!

waterynuggets 0

Send a private message

Monday 24 August 2009 8:19

Uh how exactly do you ruin something that (already) says FUCK MY LIFE? *eye roll*

Send a private message

Wednesday 26 August 2009 23:12

DameGrayWolf : I love you!! Agree sooooo much!! I would have slappe the ho. But thats just meh ;)

epicfailburger 0

Send a private message

Saturday 20 February 2010 7:55

well.. if he was there with another girl no duh the ground was wet.

EvilCupcake8361 9

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2011 9:15

51: your usage of caps locks makes you sound very obnoxious. I suggest you be quiet now. thanks:)

jermaurapaige 0

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

repyourcliche 0

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:12

Trust me, not as "FUCC3D UP" as your comment.

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:18

Why the fuck must people type like that? It's not cute..

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:20

i imagine they just get really really really bored

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:56

Hahahaha!

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 21:24

and nobody deserver to read such a "FUCC3D UP" comment

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 21:36

hahaha!!

Send a private message

Saturday 29 August 2009 2:24

ughhh. learn how to type and not with 3s. Since when did 3 b3com3 a letter??

Send a private message

Monday 13 June 2011 5:51

yhu?? wow.

Send a private message

Monday 13 June 2011 5:51

yhu?? wow.

EvilCupcake8361 9

Send a private message

Sunday 13 November 2011 9:16

H3Y GUYZZ ,,,, THATZ NOT NIC3 2 MAK3 FUN OF DA WAY PPL TALK

AfroNinja6810 11

Send a private message

Friday 18 January 2013 3:36

do3s no on3 g3t th3 jok3?

just_brilliant 0

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:08

I cant believe people who do things like that, its just awful

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:09

its odd...it seems like every normal girl seems to like guys who are just jackasses. i dont understand that at all... FYL =(

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 23:35

It's just that the aholes are manipulative and give you enough mixed messages so you feel enmeshed in the whole thing. The abuse-kindness cycle seems inherrent to most guys. Think socially acceptable Stockholm Syndrome.

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:10

he is such an asshole

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:10

whoa..... i hope you got up and whacked him where the sun dont shine........ you dont deserve to be treated like that...

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 21:45

She allowed herself to be placed in that position. She was not forced moron.

inconvienentgurl 0

Send a private message

Monday 24 August 2009 0:56

YDI 4 staying on the wet ground after he left u there FYL 4 the guy leaving u like that 2 go get w/ another girl

Send a private message

Tuesday 9 September 2014 1:42

*for, *you, *to

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:17

Don't pick assholes. YDI

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:19

What you get for being stupid, I guess its a guy thing to be able to tell if a girl like you or not, because I haven't seen any girl with this trait

LewJH 0

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:19

GET UP, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STAY THERE OR DO WHATEVER HE SAYS ¬¬

Send a private message

Sunday 23 August 2009 20:20

I call bullshit. But, if this is real.. YDI for laying down watching him kiss another girl.