By babyscarface - 12/06/2016 15:48 - United States - Orange
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Great support when you've been indecently assaulted. Tell your husband to grow a pair and stop victim blaming.
Totally. I mean, if this was some kind of affair, would she have brought her husband and family to the carnival?? That husband 1000% must deeply apologize. If something like this happened to me, I would tell my boyfriend that he can either trust me, or choose not to believe me and move on. If he doesn't trust me, what is there? Also, how is this husband so insecure after being together long enough to procreate several times? I'm willing to bet the kids are thinking she's a cheater at least partially because of his reaction. When he's come around, he should talk to them too and reassure them.
#11 Just stop talking, pretty much everything you said there was wrong and disgusting. The wife was absolutely a victim here. Kissing can be a type of sexual act, in this case, it was, and this stranger forced it on the OP unwillingly. By definition, and under the law, that is SEXUAL ASSAULT. Forcing anyone into something they did not consent to, is assault, and makes a person a victim of it. Stop downplaying what people go through because it doesn't meet your standard of horrible.
So according to your logic, #21, if I get stabbed by a mugger today I don't get to call myself a victim because other people have gotten murdered? Kissing someone without their consent IS sexual assault - logically AND legally speaking. Just because you've experienced something worse doesn't mean you get to scoff at the experience of other people as if what happened to them doesn't matter.
#21 You know, it's really sad how you know exactly what it's like to have people totally ignore your consent, and then you completely disregard it when the same thing happens to another person. In both yours and the OP's situations, your consent was bypassed and you were forced into something you didn't want to do. How do you not see that that makes BOTH of you victims? The severity of the case is irrelevant and not how you determine victimization and assault.
#11--As someone who was sexually assaulted, being touched sexually by a random stranger is a severe trigger for me. I could go off the rails for weeks if some guy grabbed me and kissed me. I'd probably have to go back on medication, even. Touching someone in any kind of sexual way without consent is assault and a no go. You don't get to downplay it because YOU don't think it's a big deal. To some people, that kiss can be a whole lot more terrifying and traumatizing than it might seem. No one gets to kiss me without my consent. It's never okay.
It's a shame the thumbs go away after a comment gets enough downvotes. I would downvote this if I could. Seriously, that was assault. And since kissing is sometimes sexual in nature, it was sexual assault. You would not like it if someone grabbed and kissed you like that. And I hope you would not just grab a total stranger and kiss her passionately either. Yeah, the husband has trust issues, but the issue is, the wife was assaulted.
Not trying to sound like a smart-ass or anything, but it's #11, not 21, incase that's confused anybody. To put it broadly, I agree with all the comments above and below #11! When you inappropriately touch another person's body when that person doesn't want you to, it's considered sexual assault, regardless of whether it's rape or kiss. Also, just because the rest of us haven't experienced these things, doesn't mean we don't actually know what being a victim and/or survivor means. We don't always need to experience it to know it. We all understand how horrifying any form of sexual assault is, and just how ungodly and unforgiving such actions are.
If it happened to my husband I'd look a girl in the face and say, "hi, bitch. Do you want to die?" Not everyone automatically blames the man. Of course, reaction plays a larger part. If he fumbles and says, "oh, uh, hi, what are you doing here," verses "what the fuck, lady!" then I might ask some serious questions.
Don't jump to stupid conclusions just because the people here are defending a woman and the fact she was sexually assaulted. Just cause your mind jumps to sexism, doesn't mean everyone else's mind is sexist. If the genders were reversed, the situation would be EXACTLY THE SAME, so as someone who has a few men in her family who have been sexually assaulted and abused, my response would be exactly the same too. The assault doesn't become nonexistent just because the person is a man, if it was a guy, he would be a victim too, not a cheater AT ALL.
I don't know what to say or how to help but you could have slapped that stranger or at least shown that he is a stranger. But I am sorry for what happened...
I hope that you didn't mean for that to sound the way that it did, but so you know, a lot of people that have stuff like this happen to them freeze up in shock. The whole "just hit them" thing isn't as instinctive as is implied in media- not to mention it can come with legal and social issues. People- especially when 'people' means a crowd- can get weird when someone 'causes a scene' over being unwillingly touched. And I mean that regardless of the victim's gender.
I don't think it would come with legal issues, since they came on to you, it can be argued that she was assaulted and with witnesses it be really stupid of them to file a lawsuit. from my experience some people of the crowd will help while others will record but your right when it comes to a couple fighting but that's a different situation.
That's shitty but if it was me I would've slapped him or something to cover for myself. Hindsight is 20 20 I'm sure it'll work out.
As others have said, OP was probably shocked that someone did this and it didn't register until it was too late. I'd like to think most of us would have the presence of mind to push the assailant away or ask who the fuck he is and what he's doing, but I wouldn't be surprise if she froze during the assault and then wondered what the hell happened long after it was over and her idiot husband was blaming her for something that isn't her fault.